Change and will power

"Just be yourself."

That is one of the common phrases that we usually hear people say. Or maybe one that we usually use. I know I use it a lot, for I believe that trying to be someone else would not make us happy.

However, no matter how much we need to be ourselves, there are always some things about ourselves that need to be changed. For example bad habits, shopaholics, etc.

I need to change something too. It's not a big thing, really, but I know it's not good, and so I want to change it.

So, what do I want to change about me?

Jeng jeng jeng...~! (suspense tak?)

I want to stop consuming coffee.

I am a coffee addict. I love coffee for its taste and its smell. And maybe sometimes for its effect on my appear-to-be-always-sleepy brain. The stronger the coffee, the better. Not too strong though; I cannot really take espresso shots. I love to sip a cup of coffee till its last drop. My favorite coffee is Starbucks low-fat Caramel Macchiato, but I also enjoy strong Nescafe and kopi Muar 434. Although I love coffee, I can only consume 1 cup of coffee per day since I cannot really tolerate its caffeine.

However, despite my love for coffee, I want to stop consuming it because it causes bad effects on me. Three bad effects, actually. One is, despite giving me instant caffeine boost after drinking it, I will start shaking and shivering once the effect goes away. It usually happens about 3-4 hours after drinking it. And following that (bad effect #2), I will feel very, very hungry. And if I consume more than a cup per day (bad effect #3), I will feel nausea. The same feeling also happens after a period of constant one-cup-per-day coffee consumption.

So, given the bad effects, I want to stop drinking coffee. Plus, I have read some articles somewhere saying that caffeine would make you fat (or at least, not helping in making you lose weight). Since I have fat genes in my genome, coffee is not helping in keeping the gene inactive. So, that's it. Byebye coffee.

But, no effort comes without challenges. Same goes with this. This morning I heard a coffee advertisement in the radio. Damn, didn't the advertisement describe coffee as something that is really good? Urgh~ I felt like having coffee right away. But no-no. I have made up my mind. I know I can do this. Byebye coffee.

The temptation reminded me of the movie The Confession of a Shopaholic. How the main character sees all the manneqiuns talk to her into buying all the clothes, shoes, accesories... And it also reminded me of the reality tv show The Biggest Loser. The contestants have to follow a strict diet while still having to see all the cakes, fried chicken, etc. everyday. Wow~ haven't we all fall for a temptation at least once in ourlives.. And when temptations are in front of our eyes, the only thing that could stop it is our will power. Will power, kick in! Wacchaa!

Anyway~~ I hope my will power is strong enough to fight the temptation. I can do this. I know I can. I have succeeded once; in 2003/04 I didn't had a single sip of coffee for a whole year. So I can do this!

Cheers for will power!

A new blog and Pushie

Pheewww~

There, six posts from my previous blog that i copied and pasted here. Those are the only six worth reading (or so I think) entries that I have written for the last five months. So, if you are lazy to go here, you can just read those.

Anyway, as I look at my profile name and description, I feel like I have just created a new name for me.

Fiza Pushie.

First name: Fiza.

Last name: Pushie.

Uuu..can I use that name in official forms and stuffs? Like, bank transactions, grad school application.. haha

Anyway, I was wondering if there is such name as Pushie. Like, if it is a real family name. Is there any other Pushies?

And so, I googled 'Pushie last name,' and found this.

O wow, I have family crest and all. Korang ade ke?? Hahahaha.

So, try google your name people! What do you find?

Tangkap khalwat

(written on May 14, 2009)

I just watched video on tangkapan khalwat and also read about it in a forum..

(Just in case you all wonder why I searched for those stuffs in the internet..it all started with a conversation I had with my friends during breakfast this morning..anyway~~)

Watching the video, uneasiness started crawling in my vein. Not really with the doers, but with the people catching these couples..who I assumed were from Jabatan Agama Islam, somewhere. I am not saying that it is okay for couples to do those things, especially in public, but the way they were caught and humiliated the couples after that is, I think, violating their rights.

These people who caught them, record a video of them doing whatever that they do, then ask them in a raised voice "Dah kawin?!" and still keep on recording the video--focusing on their faces and all. If they say it is for proving purposes, fine. But how did these videos end up on youtube? Plus, without blurring the faces whatsoever?

Firstly, I think recording a video is quite unnecessary, since even in Islam, 4 witnesses is enough to prove that they did what they did. However, some people say that the video is to strengthen the eye-witnesses say. Okay, fine. But it shouldn't be made public. It is humiliating. And it is not Islamic at all to humiliate someone in front of other people, what more to the whole world. Plus, sometimes the couples did nothing. Some couples were just sitting, with gap in between and not touching, and still got caught! Some people are not even Muslims, and they weren't even kissing or hugging! I mean, seriously..they were humiliated for no reason, and it's not cool to do that. However, some people say it is to remind other people not to do it. Okay, fine. But they could have blurred their faces first, before putting it on youtube, right?

Secondly, the way they ask is inappropriate (i think there's another word for it, but I cannot think of any). They raise their voice and asked, "dah kawin?!" They cannot be sure that those couples aren't married yet, can they? What if the couples are married? Free humiliation, again, to both the couples and them. And plus, the way they ask makes the couples startle, and thus the couples would answer to whatever that they ask. Okay, that's not really a big deal, but what if they were actually criminals pretending to be the people from Jabatan Agama Islam and asking for these couples' identity card? How can these couples be sure that they really are from JAI? My mom once said, even if a person dressed like a policeman comes to us and asks for our IC, asks for their police batch first. They could be criminals. Same goes to these people who claim that they are from JAI. So I think, instead, they could have introduced themselves (and show their staff card, if necessary) and asked politely, "kami dari blablabla, encik dah kawin?" so that if the couples are married, they can ask for kad nikah and apologize and go away without being humiliated, and if the couples are not, then they can proceed with the right procedure. Kata berbudi bahasa amalan kita, kan?

(owh, suddenly my chain-of-thoughts was distracted and I cannot find the other half!)

......

Anyway, most people commented that these couples should have gotten married and not be doing all those things in the first place. Basically, they blame the couples 100%. But I say it's not 100% the couples' fault. Again, I am not saying what they did was right, but, think again, how much does it cost to get married?(Thanks to our society, we need to invite everyone--satu kampung, 2,3,4 pupu--to our wedding, or else people will say things) How complicated it is to get married? (Also thanks to our society, the older sister needs to get married first, or the guy needs to support his family first, or they need to be engaged first for at least a year, or the hantaran cannot be too low or else people will say things). Although I agree that most probably most of these couples do not have the intention of marrying each other, but I believe at least some of them do, but due to these reasons, they cannot. Some people might argue that if the guy really wanted to marry the girl, he should've protected her and not be doing all those things to her, but I would say, they are just human. For someone to be wanting to marry someone else proves that there is attraction between them, and thus all these things happen. To err is human, and thus, not everyone is strong enough to keep the boundaries..

(okay, I've lost my chain-of-thoughts again..)

So anyway, I think, one way to reduce this social problem (other than strengthening the way religion is taught in class and at home) is by the society to not be too strict on the marriage and wedding process. If both the guy and the girl have met the requirements and they want to get married, the parents should just let them. Put the what-other-people-would-say thinking aside. It's better to get humiliated for not inviting everyone to the wedding, or for not having the highest hantaran than get humiliated for doing inappropriate things..but then again, the people who still have this kind of thinking are mostly from the older generations, who, will most probably, not be reading this entry.

ps: Some people said that sometimes these people who catch couples punch/hit the couples first (including the girls) before bringing them in for justice. I mean, hello?

pss: Someone in the forum wrote that he and his wife got caught a lot of times by these Jabatan Agama people. Then another person wrote that her husband got pissed and hit the person who caught them. That's hardcore. haha

Marriage

(written on Feb 22, 2009)

When I was about 4 years old, my mom once asked me, "Who do you want to get married to when you grow up?" My answer was, "Bangyid (my brother) of course..who else?" My answer brought a huge laughter to everyone. Then my mom told me, "You cannot marry your own brother..you have to marry someone other than your relatives.." I was like, "oo00o0o0ooo000ooo."

After that incident, I had never thought about marriage, not until I was 17. Once when I was chatting with some friends in the classroom, I said, "After this we will continue our own path. Maybe 5 years from now, one of us will get married. At that time we will be 22. Marriage is possible, even if it's not common (because 22 is still quite young)." And it was true. One of my classmate got married when she was 21. (Ironically, she was one of the people who said she wouldn't be the person who would get married before 22. Haha).

Then I met someone when I was 18. He was my first love, and so I was naive enough to believe in our so-called 'love'. The relationship was not exactly like I hoped it would be. I constantly felt like it was a one-way relationship, although I strongly wanted to believe that he loved me too...so I did not care being the one who gives, but got nothing in return. I foolishly fantasizing of marrying him, having him as my husband, and father of my kids. At that time, I made a rough plan of how my life would be--get a degree at 22, get a job right after, get married at 23 or 24, and maybe continue study at 25 or older.

However, my plan was not actually got approved by my bf at that time. He said he wanted to get married at 28, because usually by that time, people will have quite a strong and stable financial status. I was devastated, because I thought 28 is quite old. And plus I wanted to have kids before I turn 30. I was not aware of how much a wedding would cost. Then he told me, "We need at least RM 20k to get married. Do you know that?" Then I was like, "Owh, okay." I never though a wedding would cost that much.

After the relationship with my first bf got shaky, I started to shut my self from thinking about love, marriage, and anything related to that. For a whole year, I dunked my self into books and school, and nothing else. However, after he contacted me again, my thought about marriage came back.

That thought however, stayed for only a few months. After we broke up for good (finally), marriage was the last thing in my mind, although I had another guy after him. You see, another guy is the last thing that a woman needs after a break up. I knew we were not for each other, and I knew the relationship would not last long, and I could not even imagine having to spend my life with him.

After barely 7 months, I broke up with him, and I swore to my self that I would not make the same mistake. Although I was single at that time, I still thought about marriage. Maybe because I have already reached that age, where I feel I need someone to be my strength..someone that I can share my life with. However, for the next seven months after the break up, I could only see the career part of my future, but not the family part. Sometimes I even imagined my self having to live alone in an apartment, with a few cats to accompany me. I was preparing my self to accept any possibilities.

However, as the saying goes, "jodoh pertemuan, ajal maut di tangan Tuhan." After barely 7 months, I met someone who, I can confidently say, is the one. I can totally see myself spending my whole life and raising children with him. Our relationship started with me telling him that if he wanted me, come and see my parents to ask my hands in marriage first. You see, I was tired of being tangled in useless relationships, so the way I saw it, if he really wants me, marry me. However, of course, marriage is not something that is easy.. and as usual, money was the problem. We got together nevertheless, and planned to get married middle of this year; when we get to save some money, and wouldn't have to loan too much from banks. We try our best to get enough money for our wedding, so that none of our parents will have to spend any money on us. We search for wedding planners that offer a good deal on wedding packages. We try to be as independent as possible, and not being dependent on our parents for money. But things do not always go as planned..barriers keep on coming--family, money--and so it has to get posponed. However, I am not giving up.

Now, at 24, as I look at my friends' wedding photos, I wonder how they did it. Some of them were still studying when they got married..and some of them just started working. Where did they get the money from? RM 20-30k cannot be saved overnight you see..

Yes, maybe I am jealous that my path to marriage is not as easy as theirs. But I should not complaint. At least, I have found the one. Some of my friends do not even know how it feels to love and to be loved by someone. Some of my friends face a bigger challenge with the other family. Yes, I should not complaint.

My bestfriend once asked me why I wanted to get married now. She said I was just 24..it's not the age where one is desperate to get married. Yes, she was correct. I am not desparate. But I want to get married because I want to settle down, so that I can move on with my life. So that I can focus on other things--my studies, my career. She said my answer was exactly the same like her sister's when she wanted to get married. Now her sister is happy with her husband (and a kid, i think). Then my bestfriend said, "I think you are really ready to get married. I know I am not."

Yes, I am ready..but the time has not come yet. I cannot deny the faint dissapointment that I felt the moment I realized things did not go as planned, but I am willing to wait. At least, after everything is over, we can pat each other's back and said, "We did it (started a family with our own money)."

The Perak Crisis

(written on Feb 9, 2009)

Hmm.. I feel like writing about this.

The issue in Perak has caught my attention. I am not the kind of person who read the newspaper and watch the news everyday, but the Perak issue has made me one (ok, not watching the news part). I do not care who rule the state; for all I care, as long as the governing party do their job, it is enough for me. Owh, actually I do not really care, since I am not a Perak-ian anyway.

However, since the Perak issue touches matters on the Power of the Sultans, I turned from someone who is quite ignorance, to someone who cares. The fact that the former MB of Perak does not want to admit to his loss of power and Karpal wants to sue the Sultan of Perak really has triggered some WTH feeling in me. The first time I read about the former MB said, "mohon sembah derhaka," to the Sultan, I was like, "are you serious?" Then I read he said something like, hoping the people were on his (and the opposition) side. I mean, seriously, if he wants to go against the Sultan, do it alone. Do not promote the immorale act of disloyalty towards the Sultan to the public. And do not let me start on Karpal. He wants to sue the Sultan?! Who does he think he is? And the supporters who threw rocks to the Royalties' cars? I mean, seriously?

Yes, the change of power in Perak was too abrupt. Some people were questioning why the Sultan did not order for another election to be done. They said the Sultan could have dismissed the DUN, instead of bringing BN into power. So what are they trying to say actually? That the Sultan favors BN more? Or are they trying to say that BN has 'poisoned' the Sultan's mind?

Maybe they forgot that our Sultans have the final say on everything basically. Maybe they have forgotten that although our Sultans and Kings are bonded with law, they still have veto power..maybe not that much, but they do. If we look at our Parliament, any new law that the government want to make has to go through our Yang diPertuan Agong. The fact that everything has to go through the Sultans and Kings means that they have the choice to approve it or not. If our Sultans and Kings have only one choice, what is the point of presenting anything to them? Do these disloyal people think our Sultans and Kings are just nodding machines--saying yes to anything that they say? Although I do not study law, but based on what I read, yes, maybe the Sultan has the power to dismiss the DUN, but we should not forget that based on the law, he also has the power to bring BN into power. So based on his judgement, he brought BN into power. That is what he has decided, and that is what we have to obey. We do not know why he decided on that. Maybe to the opposition, they might think that BN has something to do with his decision. But personally, I would say BN has nothing to do with his decision because he is a Sultan for heaven's sake--whoever rules the state, he still has the higher power. And I would lmao if suddenly people said BN bribe the Sultan. HAR HAR HAR. As if Sultan does not have enough money and power already.

Nizar's act of not admitting to his loss is a shame to me. Personally, I think he is making a fool of himself. He should instead be a gentleman, and step down. Just wait for the next election. Maybe he should be reminded that the Sultan was the one who appointed him as the MB in the first place. Why he did not go against the Sultan at that time, although clearly, he was not the one with the highest vote? Owh, of course..who would say no to power..right?

Karpal, Nizar, and their supporters should be thankful that I were not the Sultan. If I were the Sultan, I would have sent them for exile.

Maybe we should always be reminded of our Rukun Negara.

Maka kami, rakyat Malaysia, berikrar akan menumpukan seluruh tenaga dan usaha kami bagi mencapai cita-cita tersebut berdasarkan kepada prinsip-prinsip yang berikut:

Kepercayaan kepada Tuhan
Kesetiaan kepada raja dan negara
Keluhuran perlembagaan
Kedaulatan undang-undang
Kesopanan dan kesusilaan

In Islam, when we pray, we should do all the '13 rukun solat' in which if we fail to do even one of them, our prayer is considered as tidak sah (ok, what is it in English..). So logically, as Malaysians, if we fail to do any of the Rukun Negara, I would say, we are not eligible to call ourselves Malaysians.

DAULAT TUANKU

Rukun Negara #2

(written on Feb 5, 2009)

*taken from utusan malaysia online Jan 6, 2009*

http://utusan.com.my/utusan/info.asp?y=2009&dt=0206&pub=Utusan_Malaysia&sec=Muka_Hadapan&pg=mh_07.htm

Saya tetap MB - Nizar

IPOH 5 Feb. - Datuk Seri Ir. Mohammad Nizar Jamaluddin yang enggan meletakkan jawatan sebagai Menteri Besar seperti dititahkan oleh Sultan Perak beranggapan beliau masih menyandang jawatan itu secara sah mengikut Perlembagaan dan Undang-Undang Tubuh Negeri Perak.

Sehubungan itu, katanya, beliau akan menjalankan tugas sebagai Menteri Besar seperti biasa dan tetap pergi ke pejabatnya di Bangunan Perak Darul Ridzuan di sini esok walaupun pejabat itu sudah ditutup oleh polis pada ketika ini.

Mohammad Nizar berkata, pendiriannya untuk tidak meletakkan jawatan sudahpun dinyatakan kepada Sultan Azlan Shah semasa menghadap baginda di Istana Kinta pada tengah hari ini.

''Saya dengan rasa rendah hati, dengan penuh rasa... memohon derhaka kepada Tuanku menyatakan patik sebagai Menteri Besar dan juga 'leader of the house' memohon untuk tidak mahu meletakkan jawatan.

''Jadi, saya telah keluar dan membuat mesyuarat dengan seluruh kepimpinan pakatan di peringkat negeri dan juga Pusat bagi menyatakan supaya sama-sama memohon kepada rakyat bersama dengan kita.

''Duli Paduka Seri Sultan telah menyatakan bahawa kerajaan Barisan Nasional (BN) telah mempunyai 31 ADUN dan pakatan pembangkang pula 28 ADUN.

''Saya telah diminta untuk memahaminya, tetapi saya telah menceritakan berkenaan hujah-hujah semasa saya datang berjumpa dengan baginda sehari sebelum ini.

''Sebelum ini, saya memohon sebagai Ketua DUN untuk mendapatkan mandat baru daripada rakyat Perak dengan memohon diperkenankan diadakan pilihan raya agar kerajaan baru dapat dipilih secara adil," katanya.

Dimanakah rukun negara #2: KESETIAAN KEPADA RAJA DAN NEGARA?

You judge

(written on Jan 15, 2009)

Once my boyfriend and I went to Kampung Baru to have dinner before going to see a Makyung performance at Istana Budaya.

Opposite of the restaurant, there was a community center/admin office led by PAS. In front of the building, the were three flag poles displaying three flags--Jalur Gemilang, PAS flag and Kuala Lumpur flag, if I'm not mistaken. Next to the building, there was a BN headquarter or something I think, because there was a BN flag being displayed, along with Jalur Gemilang and another flag, which I have forgotten what it was.

Anyway, what I want to point out is, the highest positioned flag displayed in front of the community center/admin office/PAS headquarter was PAS flag, whereas for the BN headquarter, it was Jalur Gemilang.

(This post is left hanging for individual judgement)

p.s: I regreted not bringing a camera with me during the meal. I could have sent the picture to a newspaper if I had brought one.

They don't learn..

(written on Jan 11, 2009)

I read the Utusan online a while ago..and this was what I found.

http://utusan.com.my/utusan/info.asp?y=2009&dt=0112&pub=Utusan_Malaysia&sec=Muka_Hadapan&pg=mh_01.htm

Israel guna bom kimia

Kereta kebal tentera Israel menghampiri bandar utama di Gaza dalam usaha menumpaskan para pejuang Hamas, semalam.

Tentera darat, kereta-kereta kebal Israel mara semakin jauh ke dalam Genting Gaza menuju ke bandar utama, memaksa penduduk awam Palestin yang panik melarikan diri.

Lebih 27 lagi rakyat Palestin terbunuh termasuk terkena bom mengandungi fosforus putih yang diharamkan oleh undang-undang antarabangsa.

Human Rights Watch (HRW) bimbang penggunaan bom kimia itu boleh mengakibatkan kesengsaraan lebih dahsyat kepada orang awam Palestin.

I don't know what to say. Killing innocent people is already bad. Now, using illegal bombs? Although I don't really follow what's going on between these two nations, but one thing I know, no one should use illegal weapons. This reminds me of the use of atomic bombs on Japan during WWII. Once I read a short novel written by a Japanese doctor who was there when one of the bombs fell. He said people just dissapeared and melted due to the bomb's effect. He was lucky to be far enough not to be affected. However his wife was not. Her bone broke and turned into powder once he lift it up from the ground. He knew the bone was his wife's because it has the bracelet/necklace he gave her.

Anyway, although the phosphoros bombs' effects might not be as bad at the atomic bombs', still, it must have been banned for a reason. No one should suffer from it. Especially the innocent people.

My views on war is simple and traditional: Go to war if you really need to. But, all the killing and fighting should be between the army ONLY. Leave the innocents alone.

Maybe the worst invention ever is the guns and explosives. People can kill from far away, without knowing who they kill. Back then, fighters needed courage to kill someone because they could see who they killed and how their enemy died, but now they become more coward--they kill from far away, without having to see who they kill and how their enemy died.

p/s: I remember reading about how the ancient Japanese fought. Before they fought, they told each other who they were, so that if they won, they would know who they killed, and if they died, at least, they would die in honor..knowing who killed them.

A new blog

And so, I've moved.

Several people complained for not able to comment on my previous blog since they are not members of Multiply. So I guess Blogger would solve the problem since everyone can comment on it regardless he/she has a blogger account. So anyway~~

WELCOME TO MY NEW BLOG! :D

Feel free to comment on my crap, if you want. And if you want to see some stuffs that I've posted on my previous blog, feel free to visit http://fizahpush.multiply.com. Blogger doesn't have the option of importing blog from other websites--which multiply has. Well, I guess everything has its pros and cons.

...hmm...I think I'll repost some of the entries anyway...

p/s: I wanted to put the url as fizahpush.blogspot.com since it's almost the same as my previous blog (fizahpush.multiply.com) but somehow it's not available. Hence the name fizapushie.blogspot.com. Ahh~ I want fizahpush.blogspot.com.. :(