Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Of dosa-pahala, sincerity, and keredhaan

Yesterday I went to see a pharmacist to ask about a suitable supplement for my lightheaded problem. He said I might not be having enough rest, and he suggested that I took a multivitamin+multimineral supplement. Basically something that has iron in it to promote red blood cells formation.

Anyway, I kinda disagree with his statement that I might not be having enough rest, because as we all know, my work doesn't require a lot of energy. But o well, I've decided to not come to the office next week anyway to get a good rest at home.

By the way, I think the real reason I've been sick a lot of time after I came back to Malaysia is because I've been doing a lot of sins (ceh konon before this baik sangat la hahaha). Let's face it. Being in a relationship like this alone makes me commit sins everyday (nak kawin skrg jugak). And as people say, being sick helps our small sins disappear (This is what I hear, I don't know any dalil for this).

Speaking about sins, since we were small, we've been told about dosa-pahala. If we do something good, we'll get pahala and go to heaven. If we do something bad, we'll get dosa and go to hell. We've also been told that if we do jemaah prayer, we'll get 27 times more pahala compared to doing it alone. If we do this, we'll get this amount of pahala. If we do that, we'll get this amount of pahala. Before I knew it, I've been counting my pahala and tried to do things that would give me more pahala.

Then one day it striked me.

When we do something, thinking about the amount of pahala that we are going to get, wouldn't that makes us be not-that-sincere in doing it? I mean, we'll be doing it for the promised pahala, instead of doing it in search for keredhaan Allah.

That thought 5-6 years back marked the stop of my pahala counting/comparing.

I've stopped counting pahala now. I even tried to not know how much pahala one good deed would give me. Instead, I try to do good deeds because I know Allah loves it, and I try to not commit any bad things because I know Allah hates it (although buat jugak tu huhu). After all, I just want Allah's love. His redha. All the things about pahala and heaven, those come second to me (I'm still scared of the hell, though, of course).

As the first step, I'm trying to strengthen my prayer. After all, it's the most basic thing, and also our invisible 'shield', isn't it?

One step at a time.. :)

p/s: Sedang berazam menjadi muslim yg lebih baik ni. Semangat ni. Tak tipu! :P


kumitaa said...

Good for you! Because only today someone was asking me about this i.e. if people do good consciously thinking about the reward they get in return, then wouldn't that be not very sincere. So, I'm glad you wrote this post because now I can go tell my friend that no, good people do good things because they want to, and not because they need to. Anyway, I hope you feel better!

Fiza Pushie said...

Thanks Kumitaa! So yesterday the lighthead was not as bad as it was the day before, which is a good thing. :)

Btw, I think people count their rewards simply because we've been told/trained that way since we were kids. I guess it's up to the individuals to start realizing that we should do good just because we want to do it, and not for the rewards.

Hopefully we are among the good people :)

Zakiah Ponrahono said...

lepas boing boing itu adakah ke arah muslim yang baik??? hahahaha

Fiza Pushie said...

bahasa tak difahami takpe~~ (tak paham ke?? hahahahhaha)

Zakiah Ponrahono said...

muka innocent tahap dewa... tapi yellow strip is very significant lahhhhh....hahahaha

Anonymous said...

i love this entry pushie. u are not alone in this case also thought the same way too. terkadang jadi berkira nak buat tak tak.maksudnya, terfikir la, di terima ke tak pahala. Betol, kawen lebih baik.kurang dosa, tapi kalau x boleh sekarang, kita restrict je la the relationship between kita dengan dia.batas kan yang perlu sahaja. Sebab aku selalu terima tazkirah, terkadang dosa yang kita buat during couple or in relationship tu affect perkahwinan kita..walaupun sebelum tu biasa je, tak de pape pon. I'm not trying to scare u love. Just a reminder to all of us..=)

p/s: sorry dah jadik entry plak kat comment ni

Fiza Pushie said...

org aries mmg begitu, otak kuning siket. eh, akak pon aries ape. hahahahah

penah dengar jugak tu. kadang2 kesan dosa yg kita buat tu datang lambat.
being in a relationship mmg indah. tapi mmg bile terfikir dosa just by being in it (keluar berdua walau tak buat pape pon dah takleh sebenarnye kan haha), mmg payah. but then due to iman yg goyah and attraction yg terlalu kuat, usually people can't just simply walk away or put the relationship on hold, especially when we're sure that we've found the one.
that's why i think maybe sesape yg single should doa biarlah time jumpe the one tu, takde pape yg boleh halang the marriage. at least kurang dosa sbb bercouple.
naseb baik aku dah nak kawin tahun ni. hehehe

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