Obsession

Dark chocolate. Yummy yum.

Owh, this is my biggest obsession.

and since he's my biggest obsession, I just have to put more pictures of him haha

tgk tu dah besar pon makan ice-cream macam budak2. sungguh comel. rase nak picit2. hahaha

Owh, last Sunday was his 25th birthday. So I went out to the mall and celebrate his birthday. Bought a piece of Black Forrest cake and a Macchiato. Next time, please remind me that Macchiato is not Caramel Macchiato without the caramel. Speaking of which, I still haven't found any cafe selling Caramel Macchiato. I mean, seriously, where the hell is Starbucks? Anyway..

HAPPY 25th BIRTHDAY MY LOVING, ROMANTIC, COMOT, COMEL, HANDSOME, AND OWH-SO-ADORABLE MR.HUSBAND! :D

Hopefully we'll grow old happily together with dozens of children and grandchildren and greatgrandchildren.

I love you.

p/s: I went out to celebrate his birthday but I totally ignored mine. haha. O well, we practically have the same birthday anyway. The celebrations are always combined :)

p/p/s: chocolate picture googled. Mr.Husband's photos credited to Lun. I took the cake picture myself, of course.

Life

Do you know how smart our body is?

Do you know that each cell in our body is like a very complicated and complex factory, making sure everything goes alright?

And every time I learn about how this enzyme works, how this gene is regulated, how this enzyme communicates with another enzyme..it has never failed to make me think about how amazing the whole system is. And also how this whole thing totally proves the existence of God.

I mean, such a very complex and very smart system totally need an extremely smart creator as well. I mean, even if we ever do learn about everything in a cell, even if we ever isolate and gather everything together to make our own cell, we still cannot make it work like the real cell. Even a real cell can stop working once it's dead, although all the components are still there.

SubhanAllah.

Lawak semalam

Ketika waktu rehat semalam, aku menelefon En.Suami untuk bertanya khabar and mengubat bosan.

En.Suami: Sayang buat ape tu?
Aku: Owh, tgh rehat. Tengah tunggu gel beku..
En.Suami: Ooo..tadi buat ape?
Aku: Tadi dah isolate DNA (plasmid) dari E.coli. Pastu dah potong-potong DNA tu gune enzyme. So skrg ni tgh tunggu gel beku sbb nak separate DNA tu ikut saiz diye. Gel tu agar je..cam agar-agar masak tu haha
En.Suami: Hmm...
Aku: Baby tak paham ape2 pon yg I cakap kan? Banyak gile scientific jargons haha
En.Suami: Busuk~~
Aku: Hahahah (terus gelak)

Susah betul kan nak explain benda2 biotech dekat org pakar IT?

Hahahaha

High IQ?

I bet all of you have taken IQ test at least once. I still remember my first IQ test. It was the last 'exam paper' that we had to sit during UPSR. It was not that bad I think. Since we'd actually 'practiced' for it in class before. My teacher provided us with past exam papers and we did them and discussed the answers. I remember arguing with my teacher on one of the answers. I did not agree with the answer she provided, because I was sure I was right. She ended up saying that if I didn't want to listen to her, I might fail the exam. But o well, I still answered the answer that I thought was right during the real exam. Yup, I am that stubborn when I am sure I am right. It even showed when I was 12. Haha.

Anyway, the second formal IQ test that I took was when I was 18 or 19. The Malaysian MENSA club organized IQ test at the University I was at (INTEC, UiTM Shah Alam). I had to pay RM32 for it. I was reluctant to take it at first because I hadn't been doing any IQ test for a long time, and I was scared I might fail. But my curiosity forced me to take it anyway. So I paid the RM32 and took the exam. The questions did not have any number or alphabet at all. Everything was in the form of figures. One question on one page.I don't really remember how long the test took. What I remember is on average we only had less than one minute to answer one question. I didn't finish them all, of course. I am one of those people who spend a lot of time on one problem at a time. If I am not mistaken, I left more than 10 questions unanswered. Haha.

A few weeks later, I got a letter from Malaysian MENSA. It was my test result. I was scared to open the envelope but I opened it anyway, of course. There it was. My IQ test result was 156. The minimum score to join the club was 148, if I am not mistaken. So I joined it. I had to pay RM50 for a year of membership.

However after a couple of years, I started to not see the meaning of joining the club anyway. Usually the activities were going for some gathering, which involved alcohol. And I felt that I did not fit in a way (although I have never gone to any gathering, but I can tell through email and magazine) because most of them were working and successful and rich, unlike me who was (and still am) studying, and not yet successful and not rich. And I am not that social either. I stayed in the club just because I thought having the membership might help me in getting a job or getting into graduate school. So, after some thinking, I just stopped renewing my membership.

So anyway, does having a high IQ make me special? Nahh~ I don't think so. I still got C and nearly failed in my classes haha. But maybe it helps in understanding some things that require imagination (I remember teaching my friend chemistry in high school and I kept telling her to imagine the process in order to understand it better, and she didn't get me haha). But still, I am still an average student.

I strongly believe although having a high IQ may help in certain things in life, it still doesn't promise a successful life. Motivation and serious effort still are the most important thing to achieve success. One can have a high IQ and having no future, and one can have a lower IQ and being all successful.

But still, it does feel good knowing that I have a high IQ. It's like a confidence boost. A motivation. Whenever I feel like failing, I would tell myself "You have a high IQ, you can do this!" Haha. But of course the sweetest thing of all is when I know that my IQ is higher than the smart student who always makes me feel stupid. It's like indirectly telling, "You know, you're not all that." Hehehe >:)

Eh, agak kejam di situ.

Canberra, from my eyes

It's been 6 weeks since I arrived here. So far, everything went well. It's the mid semester break now. Two weeks of break. If I was an undergrad student, I might have been somewhere in Sydney or something. But o well, I have 6 days for lab practical during the holiday, so, no trip for me. Owh, I'll be going to Sydney on the 10th though. Will be staying at Sheila's place for a night, then come back here on the 11th because I have the lab practical on the 12th. Huhu. Hmm and tomorrow I'll be going around Canberra with Fazira and her friend. Since all three of us are new here, we'll be exploring the city quite aimlessly. Let's see what we'll find tomorrow. What an adventure.

Anyway, I went for groceries shopping today. I was really out of food. I was left with less than one cup of rice and a few chicken wings. And an onion. And that's basically it. So I went for quite a huge groceries shopping today. Ended up spending almost $70 for everything. Not including rice since I couldn't find the rice that I wanted. And also eggs, since they were out of eggs. It's unbelievable how Easter can do to the store's stocks. Anyway, it's expensive, isn't it? When I was in the States, I only spend about USD 80 at most for groceries per month. Here, one trip of groceries shopping can easily cost me AUD 50-70. And don't let me start talking about how much it costs for rent here..To think that USD and AUD have almost the same value... Isy, I want to go back to the States.

Anyway, let's talk about the classes. Hmm..classes here are okay. Much like Davis. Only I think the advisor is more caring about the students. For example, last Tuesday we were supposed to submit 3 assignments and sit for a quiz. Then our advisor gave us an extra day to submit one of the assignments because he said we had so many to do already. And some of us had another assignment to send on Monday, but we did not have to because they said we had too many workload. I was like, wow. I mean, when I was in Davis, they had never cared if we had 2 lab reports, one or two midterms and a paper to submit within the same week. And my labs are once in fortnight, so there are some weeks where I don't have to attend any lab at all. And so the report is also due every fortnight at most. So it's less stress here compared to when I was in Davis. I mean, I used to write 2 reports every week..a total of ~20 reports for the whole 10 weeks (that's for one class hoho). Here, ~10 reports for 16 weeks (that's for 2 classes hoho)? haha

So anyway, all in all, it's fine here. Although I can't deny I prefer Davis more. Smaller town, everything is accessible by bicycle, and I felt it's safer, since there were less crime and the cars were not that fast (unlike here..the cars are so fast like pelesit and they don't really care about pedestrians). But o well, life goes on. Take everything as it is. As long as I am satisfied with my study environment, I am happy enough.

I can't wait for my husband to come. I have been looking for a one bedroom apartment/flat/house to rent. Hopefully I will get an affordable, beautiful place soon.

Of men and self respect

Have you watched the movie "He's just not that into you?" I liked it. In my opinion, it's a good movie and all women should watch it. Although I didn't agree with some things in it..I guess that's because the difference in cultures and values. O well~

Anyway, I bet most of you (women) have had your heart broken at least once. And I bet some (or most) of you have experienced relationship where you felt like you were the only one making all the initiatives to make sure the relationship worked, but your partner did nothing?

I have. Let me tell you my story. (this is my blog anyway, sukati la ahaha)

I met this guy, A, in January 2003. Seven months later, we got together. Yep, he asked me first. I make it a rule..the guy has to be the one who initiates it..I am traditional in that way. So anyway, everything was okay, until about maybe..7 months later, if I am not mistaken. He started to not calling me or texting me. Being someone who was loyal and really wanted the relationship to work, I tried my best to keep in touch, to text him everyday, or call him at least once or twice a week. I did not care if I had to go down to the nearest public phone in the middle of the night and spending RM20 just to call and talk to him for half an hour. I did not care even he did not sound excited to hear my voice. I did not care if I texted him and got nothing back. I did not care, because I really liked him (although before I told people that I loved him, but when I think about it now, I am pretty sure it was not love) and I really wanted the relationship to work. After all, he did tell me that he loved me. He did give me a ring. He did talk about having a family with me. He did tell his parents about me. He did everything that made me sure that he really wanted me. But then, his act of suddenly ignoring me left me hanging.

It was a terrible 3 years, alright. He kept on coming and going. I kept on telling myself that the relationship would work. I had faith in us. I had faith in him. I believed that he must had his own reason to not properly keeping in touch with me, and I believed that he had his own reason to not telling me what the reason was. I also believed whatever the reason was, he would solve it, and everything would go back to what it was before. I believed we would go through it. I strongly believed that he loved me. He told me that, didn't he?

But wow, was I wrong. That day when I saw him running away from me, was the day everything had shattered but becoming clear at the same time. He saw me, I swear. He was talking to someone when he saw me. But then as soon as I walked towards him, he was gone. The next thing I knew, I was looking at his back, walking away from me. I was struck. Then everything came into me. It was real. The silence was real. The unreplied messages were real. He really did not want me. Why didn't he tell me straight to my face? Why didn't I realize it sooner?

It was hard. It was terribly hard. All the things that I thought real, were actually fake. All the happiness that I felt, was actually my own imagination. The image of me and him getting married, the image of him sitting, reading a newspaper while I was cooking, the image of us in a car going somewhere together..those were all my imagination. My own imagination. The imagination that I thought I shared with him, but apparently it wasn't shared. I was imagining it alone. ALONE. Why didn't I realize it sooner? Why?

Right after that incident, I was with another guy. He was a rebound--we got together the day after I saw my-ex walking away from me. And I regretted it, of course. He dumped me in the end, which made me relieved as we really weren't compatible, at all. That's the perfect example of the first rule of relationship: never get into a new relationship shortly after a breakup. (Remember!)

After being dumped, I had a fling with another guy. But it did not work out. Of course it wouldn't. I knew from the beginning that it wouldn't work out. After all, he had a girlfriend. Who was I kidding?

After all those failed romances, I found myself single, unhappy, and still looking. But seriously, how the hell was I gonna find a good man? It's a rare species after all.

However, a couple of weeks later, I sat down, and I realized that I was actually tired. I was tired of failed relationships. I was tired of trying, chasing, hoping, and not getting. I was tired of looking. I was tired physically, mentally and emotionally. I was tired, and I knew I'd had enough.

As I sat down, I started to think about myself. I thought, "I am not that bad. I am not beautiful, pretty, and cute, but I sure am not ugly. But actually, I think I am quite beautiful. I have a good body proportion too, although I am not a model-perfect. I know how to cook. I know how to sew. I know how to take care of babies and children. I am smart, although I am not a genius. I am ambitious. I am strong-willed. I am independent. I know to do almost everything, although not much, but enough for me to live. I am not gedik. I am not becok. I am a matured person. I am not demanding. I am not a high-maintenance-d person. I am not pious, but I am religious enough. I am loyal and I am full of love. I am romantic. I am a good candidate for a wife. I am a good person. And I deserve a good man as well."

After I told that to myself, I felt some kind of strength started to build up inside of me. Then I decided, "Since I deserve a good man, I will wait for the good man to come. Until then, I will not let any less good man to have my heart, even a small fraction of it. I will not give my heart to a man who will almost certainly break it again. I will not give it to a man who doesn't take me seriously. I will not give it to a man who will not chase me, fight for me. I will not give it to a man who doesn't know how to treat me well. I will not give it to a man who does not want to take me to be his wife. I will not give my heart to anyone, until the good man comes into my life and fight for it. Until then, I will keep on living my life, and building my career." And only with that, I felt so much better, and I started seeing the world with a new perspective. Yep, I was alone, but I felt content, because I strongly believed one day the good man would come to my life, and until that time came, I would just wait.

Approximately two months after that, I met an old classmate which I hadn't met for 11 years. About two weeks later, chemistry started to kick in. A week after, we got together. 14 months after, we got engaged. 2 months later, we got married. And now, I am proud to say that I am happily married to the good man whom I had waited.

It sounded as if I did not give my husband a hard time, didn't I? O you bet I did. The night he confessed to me that he liked me and wanted to be in a relationship with me, I told him I did not want to be in a relationship, because it didn't guarantee a happy ending, although I did tell him that I liked him too. Instead, I told him to come to my house and see my parents if he really serious about wanting me. And he actually did. A few days after. Looking at his effort and sincerity, I accepted him with arms wide open. Because with him, everything felt right. And it still does.

So I guess what I am trying to say is, in order to find love, we have to love ourselves first. In order to find respect, we have to respect ourselves first. We need to know ourselves. Identify our strengths and weaknesses; and accept them, embrace them. Only then we'll see what kind of people we actually deserve. Only then, we'll protect ourselves from unnecessary heartache.

I hate seeing women wasting their time trying to keep a relationship when their men do nothing. I hate seeing women trying their best when their men seem not to care. I know they deserve better, and I also know that their men deserve a punch in the face. At least.

Tolak jatuh gaung lagi best.

Simply beautiful

I've seen so many beautiful things in my life. But still, the most beautiful thing I have laid my eyes on was the sight of him trying to hide his shyness when I asked him the reason he didn't want me to study abroad. He was there, sitting on the passenger seat of my small Kancil, trying to act comfortable when he was obviously not; removing his eyes off me as soon as I looked at him. He was there, so big yet so small, so masculine yet so cute.

That, to me, was the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes on. That sight, although lasted no longer than a second, has permanently been engraved in my mind, in my heart.

Simply beautiful.