Pushie's Crappy Site

Giving birth - my experience

2011-06-27T19:49:00.000-07:00

( bodo punye blogspot. aku type banyak2 hilang pulak. isy )

Alhamdulillah, I have safely delivered a healthy baby boy last Tuesday, 21 June 2011 at 9:27 am, Canberra time. He was 3.76 kg, 53 cm. I delivered him normally, without any painkiller. We named him Muhammad Daiyan Zakwan.

Anyway, I am pretty sure lots of people wonder how it feels like to give birth. Usually if we ask mothers about it, we are most likely to get "it really hurts", "it's indescribable", "i felt like dying", etc. as the answers. No one really gives the answer that we want to hear. So, here, I want to attempt the impossible: to actually describe how it really feels to give birth.

Let me tell you my whole experience first.

As usual, I woke up at around 3:30 am to go for a wee. However, unlike usual, I felt like my panty was wet. Afraid that my water had broken, I woke up to check the bed. The bed and my pants were okay, so it's only my panty. I went to the toilet to find that I had passed the mucus plug, but since it wet my panty, I was wondering if the water had broken, but instead of a gush of water, it might be dripping. So, I did my thing, put on a pad, and called the birthing suite, just in case. My call was answered by a midwife, and she told me that it was normal to be that wet when the mucus plug passes through, but just to make sure, she asked me to call her half an hour later. It was 4 am.

Shortly after hanging up, I felt my first contraction. It felt like a mild period pain. I was not sure it was a contraction at first, because I didn't know how it feels like, but since it came every 7 minutes, I was pretty sure it was contractions. So when I called the midwife back to tell that I did not wet the pad, I asked her if what I felt were contractions. She said it sounded like it was, so she asked me to drink lots of water and try to go back to sleep. I asked her when I should go to the hospital, and she told me that for first pregnancy, it usually takes 12 more hours after the contraction starts to be 2 minutes apart, so she told me to relax. I was like, "okay," although really, I didn't believe her. Anyway, I took her advice, drank some water, relaxed on the chair for a bit, and tried to go to sleep. By that time, the contraction was 4 minutes apart, and was getting stronger.

However, I felt sick shortly after I got on the bed. I rushed to the toilet, and I threw up like a water hose. Seriously, it was gushing out of my mouth. On the second gush, my water broke like a popping balloon. Seriously, I thought I heard a popping sound. Haha. So I asked Ajoy to call the birthing suite. The midwife told me to take a shower and eat some breakfast before coming to the hospital. Taking her advice, I took a shower while Ajoy prepared breakfast of rice and fried egg. However, I really couldn't take the breakfast because I felt really sick. I called the birthing suite again, and the midwife told me to come straight to the hospital. At that time the contraction was around 2 minutes apart and was really strong that it made me mengerang.

Arriving at the hospital at around 6am+ , the midwife put me into a birthing room. She told me to change my pad and showed her the one that I was wearing because she wanted to see the color of the water. I knew it was clear when it first broke, but it was a bit brownish at the hospital, which indicated that the baby had pooed in the uterus. I showed her the drenched pad, and didn't even bother changing into a new one because the contraction and all the other pains (back pain, pelvic pain, pain in the thighs, etc.) was too much that I didn't even give a damn anymore. Plus, I had already drenched my pants, kain batik and car seat that most probably there's no water left anymore. So I just went out of the toilet, and lied straight on the bed. I was so tired that all I wanted to do was to lie down and sleep (but of course I couldn't haha).

While I was lying dreadfully on the bed, trying to cope with the contractions, I heard the midwife told another midwife that I was on the bed in lots of pain and that my contraction was 2 minutes apart. Not long after, a new midwife entered the room (I assumed they just changed shifts). She asked me how I was doing yadayadayada. Then I asked her how far I had dilated, and she said, "Do you want me to check it for you?" I answered yes, although in my mind I was like, "isn't it the normal procedure?" They probably don't do it here. Anyway, she checked, and she told me that I was fully dilated, and I was going to have the baby soon. At this time, the contraction got so intense that at times I just had to scream because I felt the urge to push (but I tried not to because I wasn't sure if I should haha). She asked me if I felt like pooing and if sometimes I felt the urge to push, and I answered yes. She then made me got off the bed and took a shower (the warm water really helped relieving the back pain) and changed into the hospital gown. Then she asked me to kneel on the bed. And the battle began.. (chewah)

The midwife told me to push whenever I felt the urge to push, and that's what I did. Personally, I think pushing was the only way to relief the contraction pain. So I pushed when the urge came, tried to take a deep breath during contraction, and tried to rest in between contractions (I even fell asleep a couple of times haha) . Ajoy was next to me the whole time and he kept on reminding me to breath properly. He also fed me with some ice whenever I wanted (this is a great way to stay hydrated since it's hard to drink). After a few pushes however, I stopped having the urge to push; I only got the contraction. Since it had been a while since I last pushed (approximately half an hour), the midwife told me to push hard on every contraction that I got. So I took a deep breath, pushed like I have never pushed before on every contraction that I had after that. It felt like pushing a huge poo, no kidding. Even the midwife said "push the poo out clean~" to encourage me. Haha.

Anyway, after several strong pushes, I felt the baby's head at the opening. I started to feel stinging sensation as the baby stretched my perineum. After a couple more pushes, I could feel something came out, and I screamed as I could feel somewhere in my vaginal area was tearing. However, although it hurt like hell, I felt so much better since there was no more feeling like a huge poo stuck in the bottom, and plus, the stinging sensation wasn't there anymore. A second after that, I heard the baby's voice, and I thought, "finally!". I asked Ajoy if the baby's out yet, but to my disappointment, Ajoy said only the head was out, so I still needed to push. Finally, after 3-4 more pushes, at 9:27 am, the baby was out, and I was so relieved. Ajoy cut the umbilical cord. The midwife then asked me to lie on my back, and they put the baby skin to skin on my chest. However, since Ajoy needed to azan and iqamah to the baby's ears, I passed the baby to Ajoy first, while I was pushing the placenta out. Then Ajoy gave me the baby back, and let the baby to breastfeed for the first time (which he didn't do right away because he seemed too tired. He got on the breast after a few minutes though).

After the breastfeeding, a doctor came to stitch me up. She said I had two tears--a libial tear and a second degree perineum tear. She said she'd use local anesthetic (the same as the one used by dentists) for the stitching, but I could use the gas when she put the local anesthetic. I thought, why not, since I was done with the labor anyway. So I breathed in the gas (the laughing gas to be exact), in hope I would feel less pain when she injected the anesthetic. But boy, OMG. It hurts more than the labor itself, even with the gas. After a few minutes, she stitched me up (which still hurts, even with the anesthetic and the gas). When I asked her how many stitches did I get, she told me that I had one huge stitch. I wonder how she did it when I had two tears...anyway, she then shoved three painkillers up my bottom, and I was done.

Things after that got a bit blurry to me, since I was so tired and sleepy. I was given something to eat, and I fell asleep right after. I was then woken up by the midwife and she sent me to the ward.

So, to answer the above question:
Labor pain feels like extreme period pain (the whole set: tummy cramp, back pain, pelvic pain, fatigue, etc.), coupled with extreme constipation. Personally, I think the labor itself does not hurt that bad; it's not really about the pain, it's more to the annoying and uncomfortable feeling of being in pain and tired, when all you want to do is to rest. Maybe the most painful moment during labor is when the baby is pushing out of the vaginal opening; when all the tears happen (or not, if the baby is small or you are just lucky). However, since by that time you're not gonna give a damn anymore, all you want to do is just to push the baby out and be done with it. It hurts, it stings, because one of your body part is tearing up, but right after the baby is out, you cannot feel the pain anymore. Maybe because you've feel the worst, so anything below that (the fact that your vagina has torn) become unnoticeable. In fact, personally, I feel the stitching part is the most painful of all. And the agony that you will have to endure for weeks while waiting for the stitches to heal. So I guess, the real reason why mothers are placed higher than fathers is not just because of the labor pain; it's more because of the whole pregnancy, labor and post-labor pain that mothers have to endure just to bring one little life to the world.

And yeah, there is a thing called post-natal pain; it's the pain similar to period pain that you can feel (especially while feeding the baby) when the uterus is shrinking. The midwives at the hospital wished me luck, because they said if I could feel it now, it would only get worst with subsequent births. Oh, I guess I am not lucky. Well, I can't really complaint. I had fairly an easy and fast labor, it's only fair for me to feel the post-natal pain. I guess when you gain some, you lose some.

Anyway, that's it. I hope that answered the all-time favorite question "how does it feel to give birth". But of course, that's based on my experience. Different people might have different experience and might have different description :)

potpetpotpet

2011-06-02T16:51:00.000-07:00

Sekarang semua orang dok bising harga barang2 naik. Harga minyak naik, gula naik, etc etc. Pastu sebab harga benda-benda ni naik seposen dua, terus harga barang-barang berasaskan bahan-bahan ni naik seposen dua juga walaupun peratusan naik harga barang-barang berasaskan bahan-bahan ni lagi tinggi dari peratusan naik harga bahan-bahan mentah tu. Alasan pekedai, "Harga naik la kak." Lalu disebabkan kenaikan seposen dua bahan mentah tu telah menyebabkan kenaikan lagi tinggi barang-barang berasaskan bahan mentah tu, semua orang pon dok bising suruh naikkan gaji.

Tapi terfikirkah kita, bila gaji naik tiba-tiba, harga barang-barang akan naik juga? Ye lah, kalau kita lihat sekarang pon, dengan kenaikan seposen dua bahan mentah, harga barang-barang boleh naik mendadak. Apatah lagi bila pekedai perlu menyelaraskan harga dengan kenaikan gaji pekerja. Jangan lupa, takkan gaji pekerja nak naik seposen dua je. Mesti la diorang demand seratus dua. Paling koman pon 50 ringgit. Tak mustahil bila gaji pekerja naik, harga barang-barang akan naik mendadak juga. Alasan yang akan diberikan pekedai, "Kena bayar gaji pekerja tinggi la kak". Tak gitu?

Hmm.. ada tak caranya gaji pekerja naik, tapi harga barang takkan naik? Ada rasanya. Paling senang adalah dengan pembuangan pekerja. Contohnya, kalau sekarang gaji pekerja RM500, dan gaji ni akan naik 100%, jadi RM1000, pekedai yang ada 4 pekerja akan terpaksa menampung perbelanjaan tambahan RM2000 sebulan. Kiranya untuk mengekalkan jumlah keuntungan yang sama seperti sebelum kenaikan gaji pekerja, pekedai ni perlu memastikan jumlah duit yang masuk dalam sebulan adalah RM2000 lebih daripada biasa. So, ada tiga cara pekedai ni boleh memastikan perkara ini berlaku. Satu, dengan menaikkan harga barang. Atau dua, dengan memastikan jualan meningkat dengan jayanya. Atau tiga, dengan membuang 2 orang pekerja, so that dia tidak perlu risau untuk menampung kenaikan gaji. Antara tiga cara ni, mungkin yang paling mudah adalah dengan membuang pekerja, atau menaikkan harga barang, atau dengan kombinasi kedua-duanya. Tapi apa-apa hal pon, mana-mana cara yang dipilih pon, orang akan bising. Ye lah, kenaikan harga barang akan menyebabkan pelanggan bising. Pembuangan pekerja akan menyebabkan pekerja yang dibuang bising (sbb takde kerja), dan pekerja yang tak dibuang bising (sbb terpaksa cover kerja pekerja-pekerja yang dibuang). Kalau tak naikkan harga barang dan buang pekerja pon, pekerja akan bising sebab akan terpaksa meningkatkan produktiviti untuk memastikan jualan meningkat (so akan selalu kene maki dengan bos, dan kita pon akan maki bos dengan bestnya, lalu dua-dua pon akan tambah dosa). So kesimpulannya, dari kaca mata pekerja seperti kita, memang kita nak gaji naik, tapi, jangan kita lupa, dengan peningkatan gaji, akan adanya peningkatan harga barang kalau kita malas untuk meningkatkan produktiviti. Dari kaca mata pekedai pula, sudah tentulah mereka tak mahu bayar gaji kita lebih, lebih-lebih lagi sekiranya duit yang masuk setiap bulan tidak meningkat (yelah, mana nak dapat duit bayar gaji weh). So, sebagai pekerja, kita perlulah meningkatkan produktiviti supaya para pekedai/boss boleh menaikkan gaji kita tanpa peningkatan harga barang yang melampau. Apa boleh buat kalau produktiviti dah meningkat tapi gaji tak naik-naik? Kita bakar bos! Muahahaha!!

Owh, terlupa pula, mungkin ada lagi satu cara untuk mengekalkan harga barang dengan peningkatan gaji. Kalau di negara-negara berpendapatan tinggi, seperti di Australia ni, kedai tutup punyalah awal. Ye lah, shopping mall buka pukul 9-10 pagi, dan tutup pukul 5:30 paling lewat biasanya. Kalau hari minggu, lagi awal, pukul 4 petang dah tutup. Jumaat malam je yang bukak sampai pukul 9 malam. Ye lah, kalau bukak lama-lama, nak kene bayar gaji pekerja lagi, lagi-lagi pulak hari minggu, gaji lagi tinggi. Mati kutu lah pekedai. So, mungkin dengan memendekkan masa pekerja bekerja akan boleh mengekalkan harga barang dengan kenaikan gaji, tapi tak tahu la ye. Sebab dengan memendekkan masa bekerja, akan mengurangkan masa jualan, jadinya, merendahkan jualan. Hmm last-last kena naikkan harga barang juga.

So kesimpulannya, dengan kenaikkan gaji tanpa peningkatan produktiviti, harga barang-barang akan naik juga. Hence, inflasi. (chewah, mari mengaplikasikan pembelajaran ekonomi selama setahun dua. haha).

Jadinya macam mana ni? Apa-apahal pon, harga barang akan naik juga, walaupun gaji naik. Sama juga la keadaannya macam sekarang. So, apa yang kita boleh buat?

Mungkin benda yang paling mudah kita boleh buat adalah dengan menukar gaya hidup. Back to basic. Seperti gaya hidup kita/mak ayah kita masa dulu-dulu. Pergi sekolah/kerja, bawa bekal. Nak masak, petik cili belakang rumah. Sebenarnya sedar tak sedar, kita hidup secara agak mewah, walaupun kita taknak mengaku. Kenapa cakap macam tu?
(i) Boleh kata semua orang ada kereta. Tapi ni tak boleh nak tukar sangat buat masa sekarang sebab pengangkutan awam masih belum reliable sepenuhnya. So, kita tak boleh tukar itu. Tapi kepada sesiapa yang boleh naik pengangkutan awam, naiklah. Disamping boleh mengurangkan kos, kita boleh mengurangkan pencemaran dan jem juga. Bila jalan kurang jem = pengangkutan awam seperti bas dan teksi akan jadi lebih reliable. (ye lah, macam mana nak reliable sekarang? jalan kat kl jem nak mati!!)
(ii) Boleh kata kita sangat-sangat jarang makan masakan sendiri. Ye lah, berapa ramai yang bila sampai ofis, dah siap breakfast, atau paling kurang pon, ade bawa bekalan breakfast sendiri. Belum masuk lunch lagi. Dinner pon kebanyakannya beli lauk diluar, makan di rumah. Yelah, pantas kan. Tapi cuba kita kira perbelanjaan makan di luar kita dalam sehari. Dalam seminggu? Sebulan? Lepas tu darab dengan bilangan ahli keluarga. Uish, melambung you~
(iii) Kita tak mahu bercucuk tanam lagi. Ye lah, semua bahan-bahan kita beli di luar. Attitude yang selalu kita dengar/lihat, "Buat apa tanam, beli je senang." Ehem, cuba kita tanam sendiri, kan senang, tak payah keluar duit selalu untuk beli benda-benda yang kita boleh tanam tu. Silap-silap haribulan, kita sendiri boleh berniaga. Kalau duduk rumah flat ke, kita boleh tanam benda-benda simple dalam pasu, cili ke..bawang ke..best woo makan hasil tangan sendiri. (Terbayang-bayang rambutan yang banyak nak mati depan rumah bila tiba musim rambutan. yumyum). Takpon, boleh pakat dengan penduduk flat, buat satu dua kawasan tanaman sayur kat bawah flat. Gilir-gilir bertanam, atau pun siapa-siapa nak bercucuk tanam boleh sewa tanah untuk bertanam. Bila dah ada hasil extra, boleh jual. Kalau kongsi-kongsi tanam lagi bagus. Boleh jual kepada penduduk flat dengan harga rendah. Community work la kire..
(iv) Boleh kata kebanyakan dari kita memiliki handphone/gajet/baju/kereta yang wow walaupun poket menangis wuwuwuwu~.Hmm..pandai-pandailah berfikir ya..mana satu kemahuan, mana satu keperluan. Kita tak layak merungut gaji tak cukup kalau kita sendiri yang tak pandai berbelanja.

So, untuk mengatasi kos sara hidup yang semakin meningkat ni, mungkin kita perlu mengubah gaya hidup. Naik pengangkutan awam (kalau boleh), bawa bekal, rajin bercucuk tanam, beli barang keperluan je.. Apa? takde class hidup macam tu? Banyak la takde class. Kita perlu mengubah gaya hidup, untuk terus hidup. Orang-orang di US dan Australia pon hidup macam tu. Pekerja-pekerja Australia satu pejabat ni pon pergi minum pagi di kafeteria seminggu sekali, waktu-waktu makan lain diorang pergi ke pantry je, makan bekal sendiri, dan buat air sendiri. Ada yang datang kerja naik basikal. Masa di US lagi lah, professor pergi mengajar naik basikal, merempit lagi laju dari student! (teringat pengalaman dipotong professor berjanggut putih dgn basikal. haha). Ni orang-orang terpelajar dari negara-negara maju berpendapatan tinggi ni. Kita? Orang-orang biasa dari negara membangun berpendapatan biasa-biasa je. Lagi mau komplen takde class?

Okay, penat dah membebel. Memang sesuai la tajuk post ni potpetpotpet. Sekian..

Fashion Trend

2010-10-10T22:22:00.000-07:00

I've decided to write something in this blog although I know I should be writing my assignment instead. Owh well, this blog needs some attention too.

Anyway, I watched a video clip by a Korean female group the other day. For those of you who are familiar with Korean/Japanese singing group, you'll know how they typically sing/dress/dance. Yup, with cute-looking makeup and costume, they act cute while singing, and dance cute too. However, although they sing/act/dance/dress that way, I bet most of them are around 18-22 years old.

Now, compare this to western singer. Take Hillary Duff, or Miley Cyrus for example. Once they hit 16 years old, their singing/dressing style turned into something that is completely different. They became sexier. They act more like an adult. It's like they became a whole new person with a whole new image. Image that, for me at least, doesn't match with their age. I agree that someone who is 16 years old is not considered as a child, but s/he is not an adult either.

It's kinda amusing to me to see the two different, cultures, I must say. Somehow, the fashion trend in the Eastern world tends to be cute. They like something that makes them look younger. Too young in fact, some of them dress like I would dress if I was 12 or younger. Vibrant colors, all frilly and cute looking clothing, headbands with cute little ribbon, ponytail at one side, or even ponytails at both sides (what do they call that?). Whereas in the Western world, the fashion trend tends to be sexier. They like something that make them look sexier, more appealing, more mature. Too mature in fact, sometimes a 16 year old could be mistakenly thought to be a 20 year old. Figure hugging, skimpy dresses, mini skirts, dresses with V-neck or anything that will definitely show the cleavage. Makeup style is different too. Easterners tend to wear makeup that will make their eyes look bigger and cuter, while the westerners tend to wear makeup that will make their eyes look more sultry and sexier.

So, how do women in Malaysia dress? Hmm.. kinda hard to say. I believe since Malaysia is located in between both worlds, women in this age group tend to dress either way depending on preferences, or somewhere in between, which is completely fine, since somewhere in between would mean they dress their age. However, taken into account that religion and culture play an important aspect in our lives, i'd say, fashion trend in Malaysia has developed its own identity. Different people dress differently, and sometimes the same person may dress this way today, and different way tomorrow. Maybe there isn't any typical fashion trend in Malaysia. Or maybe we don't really care how we dress. As long as we wear something.

So how do I dress? Hmm..I am naturally not a stylish person. I tend to wear clothes that are comfortable, and don't get in my way when I want to do things. T-shirts and Jeans are top of my list, although I feel like wearing more skirts now. However, when I do feel like dressing up a bit, I would pick something that is simple, yet looks elegant/sophisticated at the same time.

Recently I've been thinking about changing my dressing style. Since I am now someone's wife, and maybe someone's mother in the future, I would like to improve myself. To be a better person, spiritually, especially. To be a role model for my future kids. So I am thinking of changing my dressing style into a more modest look. Less jeans, more skirt. Less tight T-shirts, more loose blouses. But here's the thing. Most modest clothing in the market are not my style. They don't portray me very well. I don't want to wear something that is not me. It makes me feel wrongly represented.

So when I go shopping, or surf the Internet, or observe people, I constantly look for something for inspiration. Something that is modest. Something that is me. Something that could be my next dressing style.

Then I found this. And I am in love. Her style is simple enough, elegant enough, and modest enough. Most designs that she shows cover all the parts that need to be covered, yet she does so in a subtle way that it looks natural, stylish, and not looks as if the cloth is there to cover this and this.

Maybe I would dress somewhat like her style in the future? ;)

Apa yang penting? KERJA-SAMA!!

2010-09-13T02:21:00.001-07:00

Hari ni malas. Dah berturut2 buat assignment. So, malam ni nak lepak.

Tulis blog lah. Dah lame tak tulis. Hmm..

Selamat hari raya aidilfitri 1431 hijrah! :D Semoga amalan kita semua pada bulan Ramadhan hari itu diterima oleh-Nya. (Speaking of which, terkilan tak dapat berpuasa 15 hari terakhir kerana ini)

Anyway, hari raya pertama pergi solat raya di Rumah Malaysia di Canberra. Itu rumah duta katanya. Btw, khutbah raya kali ini berkenaan silaturrahim. Kita diingatkan supaya tidak memutuskan silaturrahim dan bergaduh. Bukankah Islam itu agama keamanan? Mengajar kita menyayangi saudara seperti diri sendiri?

Tapi bila terbaca (atau sengaja membaca) artikel2 berunsur kebencian dari satu pihak kepada pihak yg lain, rasa sedih pula. Lagi2 pula dari satu muslim kepada muslim yang lain.

Dimana hubungan persaudaraan kita sebagai saudara sesama Islam?

Kadang2 rasa tak faham bila ahli2 politik bergaduh. Bukankah semua ahli politik (secara idealnya) mempunyai matlamat yang sama--ingin memajukan negara? Bukankah semua ahli politik (secara idealnya) mempunyai semangat patriotisma yang kuat dan cintakan negara sepenuh jiwa raga mereka? Dari bergaduh, sepatutnya ahli2 politik ini cuba mencapai kata sepakat demi kedaulatan dan kemajuan negara. (Secara idealnya) Pihak yang kalah dan seluruh rakyat sepatutnya memberi kerjasama kepada pihak yang menang, yang pada ketika ini memimpin kawasan/negeri/negara. Bantulah mereka menjalankan kerja mereka untuk memajukan kawasan yang mereka pimpin. Kalau kita asyik menekan mereka dengan kutukan2, susahlah mereka nak buat kerja. Kita suka ke kalau dikutuk tak pandai buat kerja kita, sedang kita sedang semangat nak buat kerja? Tidak suka, bukan? Jadinya, jangan buat kepada orang lain.

Tidak puas hati? Bukankah kita sudah diberi kebebasan untuk memilih pemimpin kita pada pilihan raya? 'Bersuara'lah pada kertas semasa pilihanraya. Bukannya bersuara pada waktu kita tidak mempunyai pilihan untuk 'bersuara'. Atau bersuara kepada orang luar yang tiada kena-mengena dengan negara, sehingga orang luar yang tiada kena-mengena ini memandang serong kepada negara. Bukankah negara ini negara kita? Baik buruk negara ini, kita perlu sayang, bukannya mencanai2kan kepada dunia tentang keburukan negara. Tidak malukah, membuka pekung di dada sendiri?

Tapi apakan daya. Kebanyakan ahli politik terlibat dengan politik semata2 kerana kuasa dan pengaruh, dan bukannya kerana kecintaan kepada negara. Orang2 yang cintakan negara yang terlibat dengan politik pula tidak begitu kelihatan kerana terbelit dan tersepit di tengah2 ahli2 politik yang gilakan kuasa dan pengaruh.

Owh, sedihnya!

Bersatulah wahai rakyat Malaysia. Cukup2lah menunding jari menyalahkan sesama sendiri. Apa kata kita semua duduk diam2 sebentar, berhenti bercakap, kemudian buat kerja yang sepatutnya dibuat dengan tekun. Tangan bergerak tetapi mulut diam. Bukankah itu caranya untuk memajukan negara? Bagaimana jika mulut tak berapa nak diam? Tampallah duck-tape yg tebal tu. Buka balik bila masa sudah hampir dengan pilihanraya. Tapi jangan tabur fitnah2 dan janji2 palsu pula, ya?

Owh, 'kerja yang sepatutnya' bukan 'menunding jari menyalahkan pihak lain dan memburuk2kan negara', ya? Tetapi kerja2 yang boleh memajukan negara. Alah, seperti saya yang sedang belajar dengan harapan suatu hari nanti saya boleh mencipta sesuatu yang boleh menaikkan nama negara disamping melahirkan generasi akan datang yang berpengetahuan dan mempunyai dedikasi untuk memajukan negara. Sekurang2nya insyaAllah, usaha saya yang kecil sekarang, akan terus berbuah di masa hadapan. Cuba bayangkan kalau saya belajar kurang dan sebaliknya asyik sibuk menyalahkan universiti kerana pelajaran terlalu susah. Sudah tentu saya tidak pandai2. Tetapi jika saya berhenti menyalahkan universiti dan tingkatkan usaha belajar, insyaAllah saya akan pandai. Susah kalau nak buat dua benda dalam satu masa ni. Jadinya, berhenti mengutuk, dan banyakkan bekerja, ya?

Owh, kan sudah terbebel. Tapi saya sudah penat. Penat membaca kutukan. Penat melihat orang menunjuk2 dan menuduh2. Penat melihat negara diburuk2kan di negara lain. Penat melihat rakyat Malaysia yang tidak pernah sayangkan negara.

Sudahlah, cubalah sayangkan negara. Ingat negara lain nak sangat dgn kita bila kita ke negara mereka?

Negara bagaikan rumah. Bila kita mengutuk negara kita, ia bagaikan kita mengutuk rumah sendiri. Bila kita mengutuk pemimpin negara, ia bagaikan kita mengutuk ibu bapa sendiri. Bila kita mengutuk rakyat2 negara kita, ia bagaikan kita mengutuk adik beradik sendiri. Sanggupkah kita berbuat begitu? Memburuk2kan rumah dan ahli keluarga sendiri?

Kalau kita sanggup, bermakna kita tak sayangkan 'rumah' kita. Pergilah ke 'rumah' lain. Mengharapkan belas kasihan dari 'isi rumah' di situ. Tetapi mahukah mereka. Kemungkinan besar kita akan tidak be'rumah'. Atau jika bernasib baik, kita dibenarkan menumpang di 'rumah' orang lain.

Tapi mahukah kita? Hidup menumpang?

Sudahlah, marilah bersatu. Bekerjasama. Sayangkan negara.

Bak nyanyian anak2 kecil (hingga ke orang dewasa):

"Apa yang penting?? KERJA-SAMA!"

(Popularkan kartun itu? Wonderpets?)

Salam silaturrahim.

p/s: mesti kelakar jika ada kanak2 tadika bertanyakan kepada guru mereka kenapa orang2 dewasa asyik bergaduh sedangkan di tadika diajarkan supaya bersatu dan bekerjasama. Lagi best kalau selepas itu mereka bertanya, "orang2 dewasa tak pergi tadika ke?" har har har.

p/p/s: marilah kita masuk tadika semula. har har har.

6th August 2010

2010-08-06T19:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Friday, the 6th of August 2010.

It was our half-year anniversary. Wow didn't realize it.

So, we decided to eat out at Iori Restaurant -- what claimed to be the best Japanese restaurant in Canberra (but Davis' Zen Toro is still the best). We had to make a reservation since it's IMPOSSIBLE to go there on Friday night without reservation. We reserved a place for two at 6:30 pm, but we showed up at 6 pm anyway since we were too hungry.

After taking our table, we looked through the menu, although we had decided what to get while waiting for the restaurant to open haha (they put their menu up at the entrance). We ordered a regular size sashimi for the entree (I hadn't eaten good sashimi for years!), and a combo meal for the main dish. The name of the combo meal was "This is what I'm talking 'bout!" (I'm not kidding), and it consisted of a soft-shelled crab sushi roll, salmon and vegetable in miso broth, unagi, unagi tempura, and unagi braised in egg. We didn't order any rice since the portion was big enough for two, although I think a bowl of rice would be perfect to complete the meal. Anyway, I had my usual green tea, and Mr. Husband had a bottle of coke. The whole meal cost us $74.50, and that's huge for our August budget. But hey, it's not that every month we get to celebrate our half-year anniversary :)

Owh, forgot to mention--it was a quadruple celebration actually. Other than our half-year anniversary, we were celebrating my not-bad Semester 1 result, Mr.Husband's potentially get a job (we need to provide a couple of documents, and insyaAllah, it's confirmed), and something that I will announce later when it's confirmed. So, what if it's not confirmed? Well, I guess you'll never know. Hehehe.

Owh, here's the chronological pictures we took at the restaurant. (Just realized we didn't take a picture with two of us in it :/)

arriving at the restaurant. hungry face.

can't wait for the food

the entree -- sashimi

the main dish -- this is what i'm talking 'bout

muke semangat nak makan

Ajoy dah tak sabar

muka kenyang..tapi takleh lawan...

muka kenyang ini!

doctors and patients

2010-06-09T22:39:00.000-07:00

My friend's status on Facebook today made me think.. Her status was about her wanting to do medicine, but her senior doctor told her to do other thing instead since the patients in medicine like to lie. It's funny, really, and true to a certain extent. But another friend of mine commented, saying sometimes it's not that the patients lie, it's just that the doctor doesn't want to believe the patient. Which, sadly, is also true. She has a first hand experience, and so do I.

I remember having a dislocated pelvic once, and 2-3 doctors did not believe me. I told the first two doctors I'd fallen and hurt my spine about a year before. They told me, without checking my back, "The pain will go away. Give it some time," and gave me a warm massage oil. But when the pain worsen and gave me trouble when walking, sitting, even lying, and made me cry in the office just because it hurt too much, I knew it would not go away. But another trip to the doctor did not do any good, as the third doctor did and said the same thing and gave me the same oil. At that point, I knew I had to see a specialist. But since to see a specialist in a government hospital would require me to have a reference from a doctor, and a specialist from a private hospital would cost me a fortune, I opted to see a chiropractor. And thank God the chiropractor was good; she checked me thoroughly and identified that my pelvic was dislocated, and she corrected it during the first visit.

Another experience was when I had shingles. It was still in the early stage, and I didn't know it was shingles, but I knew it's not just a normal rash since it was red and had bubbles. When I went to see a doctor, the doctor looked at it for a bit and said, "It's just a normal rash. I'd give you antibiotics for you to apply to the rash." And of course the antibiotic did not work on the 'rash'. When it got larger and weirder, I went to see a specialist straight away, which cost me a fortune, but at least the doctor did look at the 'rash' closely and told me what it was. After a round of antiviral, it was gone.

And not to forget when I had, which I believe, chikungunya, since all the doctors whom I went to see did not care to find out what's wrong with me. So, sorry if I'm wrong, but I had all the symptoms. Anyway, even after 4 trips to at least 4 different doctors, and 4 blood samples taken, left me perplexed and confused since all of them told me I was okay, although clearly I was tomato-red, swollen, and had a fever and a strong joint pain. Owh, did I tell you they were even skeptical to give me a medical leave, even for a day or two? For God's sake, I was sick for more than a week. (I think they took my blood samples to check if I had dengue, and since I didn't have dengue, they didn't care).

But, I know we cannot 100% blame the doctors for being very skeptical towards the patients. I mean, even if we've never done it, we've at least known one person who has lie to a doctor to get a medical leave, to run away from work or skip a class. So blaming the doctors 100% will not do them justice.

But please, fellow doctors, although I don't look as honest, believe me, I am one of the most honest people you'll ever find. I have never lied to a doctor before. So, please believe me when I say, "I'M IN PAIN!"

forgive and forget

2010-06-07T05:36:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wish I remember what I forget, and I forget what I remember.

Ahh..so much for being someone who forgives but never forget. These unnecessary memories take up my memory space, which I desperately need for other more important stuffs, like the exact mechanism for DNA transcription, translation, post-transcription, and post-translation. (Do ignore the jargon).

O well, what the hell. I need chocolate.

choosing a digicam

2010-06-06T18:59:00.000-07:00

although i am terribly busy, i still want to sneak into this blog a bit haha this blog has started to get covered with spider webs anyway.

so my husband and i are trying to look for a camera. we both have no camera at the moment, and are relying on the camera function on our samsung jet mobile (yes, coincidentally we both have the same mobile). so we are trying to figure out which camera to buy.

of course, looking at the popularity, dslr is the most tempting option. good quality pictures, slightly expensive, but affordable. but of course, with dslr, one needs to be knowledgeable to be able to use it properly. knowing me, i don't think i am up for that. every time i buy a new gadget, i never read the manual before using the gadget. i am more to try-and-error person. even with my old camera, sony t-10, i took 2-3 years to actually understand the functions and actually used them properly. so, i don't think dslr will do me any good.

so i am opt for a digicam with some good functions. yup, i am not a photography master, but i like to take good pictures, and i do use functions in a camera. i am not one of those people who use auto setting for everything. so, an affordable digicam with good functions.

i was looking at this harvey norman catalogue. they have discounts on cameras now. i was attracted to olympus sp600 ultra-zoom, just because it has wide-angle lens and 15x optical zoom. it's on sale for aud$268 now. fuji finepix xp10 is on sale for aus$237. but i don't think i will be using its waterproof function on a regular basis, so maybe olympus is better.

but then yesterday my husband was showing two more olympus or fujifilm model that really caught my attention. ah, i forgot the model now, but i'm pretty sure it's something like s2500..a compact camera with good functions 18x zoom, wide-angle lens, hd video recording..and all for under rm1000. wow.

but, all that said, my husband just texted me saying he found another model which looked good. a canon. aaa~ i don't know which one to choose anymore. i'll let my husband, a.k.a my technology master, to choose.

or, do you have a recommendation?

To all my friends

2010-05-07T20:56:00.000-07:00

Dear friends,

Here, I want to congratulate all my friends who are

(1) done with their owh-so-time-consuming medical school and now are doctors,
(2) done with studies, whatever it is
(3) got new jobs
(4) got engaged
(5) got married
(6) pregnant
(7) got babies!

I am so happy with all of you, really, but there are just too many of you for me to congratulate everyone personally. I just want to say to all who are done with school, an end of something is just a new beginning of something else. May you get the dream job soon, may the success be with you, and may the skills that you have acquired will help elevating our country to a better level. And to my friends who are now doctors, may you guys be the greatest doctors ever and do good to the society. Everyone else wants to be you, really. To those who got new jobs, hey, good luck in building your career! and don't get too caught up with the stress, and don't ever lose your passion! To those who got engaged and married, congrats in entering the new phase of life, and remember, tolerance, love, and trust are the keys. And to those who are pregnant and just got babies, may you be good parents, and hopefully your babies will grow up healthy, smart, beautiful, be good sons and daughters to you, good muslim (to my muslim friends), good citizens to the country, and good person to the humanity.

And to everyone else who are still waiting for anything (bachelor, master, phd degrees; career; soulmate; babies), like me, let's do our best and never lose hope! Just believe God has something for us, and we just have to work and pray hard to find what that something is. Usaha! Usaha! Usaha! :)

And to those who just lose something or feel like a failure, remember, life goes on, and the end of something is just a new beginning. Life is a journey after all; sometimes you are up, and sometimes you are down. The process of going up again is really the thing that makes you grow. The hardship will only make us stronger and remember, don't ever lose hope! :)

And lastly, I want to wish everyone a Happy (belated, now, or advanced, whichever applicable) Birthday! I am never good at remembering and checking everyone's birthday, especially when there are hundreds of people on my friends list, but hey, I am not the only one, am I? hehe. O well, anyway, have a superb year ahead, and may all your wish come true! :)

Ok, I think that's all. Have a good day everyone :)

<3 Pushie

Obsession

2010-04-20T04:45:00.000-07:00

Dark chocolate. Yummy yum.

Owh, this is my biggest obsession.

and since he's my biggest obsession, I just have to put more pictures of him haha

tgk tu dah besar pon makan ice-cream macam budak2. sungguh comel. rase nak picit2. hahaha

Owh, last Sunday was his 25th birthday. So I went out to the mall and celebrate his birthday. Bought a piece of Black Forrest cake and a Macchiato. Next time, please remind me that Macchiato is not Caramel Macchiato without the caramel. Speaking of which, I still haven't found any cafe selling Caramel Macchiato. I mean, seriously, where the hell is Starbucks? Anyway..

HAPPY 25th BIRTHDAY MY LOVING, ROMANTIC, COMOT, COMEL, HANDSOME, AND OWH-SO-ADORABLE MR.HUSBAND! :D

Hopefully we'll grow old happily together with dozens of children and grandchildren and greatgrandchildren.

I love you.

p/s: I went out to celebrate his birthday but I totally ignored mine. haha. O well, we practically have the same birthday anyway. The celebrations are always combined :)

p/p/s: chocolate picture googled. Mr.Husband's photos credited to Lun. I took the cake picture myself, of course.

Life

2010-04-19T03:23:00.001-07:00

Do you know how smart our body is?

Do you know that each cell in our body is like a very complicated and complex factory, making sure everything goes alright?

And every time I learn about how this enzyme works, how this gene is regulated, how this enzyme communicates with another enzyme..it has never failed to make me think about how amazing the whole system is. And also how this whole thing totally proves the existence of God.

I mean, such a very complex and very smart system totally need an extremely smart creator as well. I mean, even if we ever do learn about everything in a cell, even if we ever isolate and gather everything together to make our own cell, we still cannot make it work like the real cell. Even a real cell can stop working once it's dead, although all the components are still there.

SubhanAllah.

Lawak semalam

2010-04-15T04:18:00.000-07:00

Ketika waktu rehat semalam, aku menelefon En.Suami untuk bertanya khabar and mengubat bosan.

En.Suami: Sayang buat ape tu?
Aku: Owh, tgh rehat. Tengah tunggu gel beku..
En.Suami: Ooo..tadi buat ape?
Aku: Tadi dah isolate DNA (plasmid) dari E.coli. Pastu dah potong-potong DNA tu gune enzyme. So skrg ni tgh tunggu gel beku sbb nak separate DNA tu ikut saiz diye. Gel tu agar je..cam agar-agar masak tu haha
En.Suami: Hmm...
Aku: Baby tak paham ape2 pon yg I cakap kan? Banyak gile scientific jargons haha
En.Suami: Busuk~~
Aku: Hahahah (terus gelak)

Susah betul kan nak explain benda2 biotech dekat org pakar IT?

Hahahaha

High IQ?

2010-04-11T00:18:00.000-07:00

I bet all of you have taken IQ test at least once. I still remember my first IQ test. It was the last 'exam paper' that we had to sit during UPSR. It was not that bad I think. Since we'd actually 'practiced' for it in class before. My teacher provided us with past exam papers and we did them and discussed the answers. I remember arguing with my teacher on one of the answers. I did not agree with the answer she provided, because I was sure I was right. She ended up saying that if I didn't want to listen to her, I might fail the exam. But o well, I still answered the answer that I thought was right during the real exam. Yup, I am that stubborn when I am sure I am right. It even showed when I was 12. Haha.

Anyway, the second formal IQ test that I took was when I was 18 or 19. The Malaysian MENSA club organized IQ test at the University I was at (INTEC, UiTM Shah Alam). I had to pay RM32 for it. I was reluctant to take it at first because I hadn't been doing any IQ test for a long time, and I was scared I might fail. But my curiosity forced me to take it anyway. So I paid the RM32 and took the exam. The questions did not have any number or alphabet at all. Everything was in the form of figures. One question on one page.I don't really remember how long the test took. What I remember is on average we only had less than one minute to answer one question. I didn't finish them all, of course. I am one of those people who spend a lot of time on one problem at a time. If I am not mistaken, I left more than 10 questions unanswered. Haha.

A few weeks later, I got a letter from Malaysian MENSA. It was my test result. I was scared to open the envelope but I opened it anyway, of course. There it was. My IQ test result was 156. The minimum score to join the club was 148, if I am not mistaken. So I joined it. I had to pay RM50 for a year of membership.

However after a couple of years, I started to not see the meaning of joining the club anyway. Usually the activities were going for some gathering, which involved alcohol. And I felt that I did not fit in a way (although I have never gone to any gathering, but I can tell through email and magazine) because most of them were working and successful and rich, unlike me who was (and still am) studying, and not yet successful and not rich. And I am not that social either. I stayed in the club just because I thought having the membership might help me in getting a job or getting into graduate school. So, after some thinking, I just stopped renewing my membership.

So anyway, does having a high IQ make me special? Nahh~ I don't think so. I still got C and nearly failed in my classes haha. But maybe it helps in understanding some things that require imagination (I remember teaching my friend chemistry in high school and I kept telling her to imagine the process in order to understand it better, and she didn't get me haha). But still, I am still an average student.

I strongly believe although having a high IQ may help in certain things in life, it still doesn't promise a successful life. Motivation and serious effort still are the most important thing to achieve success. One can have a high IQ and having no future, and one can have a lower IQ and being all successful.

But still, it does feel good knowing that I have a high IQ. It's like a confidence boost. A motivation. Whenever I feel like failing, I would tell myself "You have a high IQ, you can do this!" Haha. But of course the sweetest thing of all is when I know that my IQ is higher than the smart student who always makes me feel stupid. It's like indirectly telling, "You know, you're not all that." Hehehe >:)

Eh, agak kejam di situ.

Canberra, from my eyes

2010-04-03T07:25:00.000-07:00

It's been 6 weeks since I arrived here. So far, everything went well. It's the mid semester break now. Two weeks of break. If I was an undergrad student, I might have been somewhere in Sydney or something. But o well, I have 6 days for lab practical during the holiday, so, no trip for me. Owh, I'll be going to Sydney on the 10th though. Will be staying at Sheila's place for a night, then come back here on the 11th because I have the lab practical on the 12th. Huhu. Hmm and tomorrow I'll be going around Canberra with Fazira and her friend. Since all three of us are new here, we'll be exploring the city quite aimlessly. Let's see what we'll find tomorrow. What an adventure.

Anyway, I went for groceries shopping today. I was really out of food. I was left with less than one cup of rice and a few chicken wings. And an onion. And that's basically it. So I went for quite a huge groceries shopping today. Ended up spending almost $70 for everything. Not including rice since I couldn't find the rice that I wanted. And also eggs, since they were out of eggs. It's unbelievable how Easter can do to the store's stocks. Anyway, it's expensive, isn't it? When I was in the States, I only spend about USD 80 at most for groceries per month. Here, one trip of groceries shopping can easily cost me AUD 50-70. And don't let me start talking about how much it costs for rent here..To think that USD and AUD have almost the same value... Isy, I want to go back to the States.

Anyway, let's talk about the classes. Hmm..classes here are okay. Much like Davis. Only I think the advisor is more caring about the students. For example, last Tuesday we were supposed to submit 3 assignments and sit for a quiz. Then our advisor gave us an extra day to submit one of the assignments because he said we had so many to do already. And some of us had another assignment to send on Monday, but we did not have to because they said we had too many workload. I was like, wow. I mean, when I was in Davis, they had never cared if we had 2 lab reports, one or two midterms and a paper to submit within the same week. And my labs are once in fortnight, so there are some weeks where I don't have to attend any lab at all. And so the report is also due every fortnight at most. So it's less stress here compared to when I was in Davis. I mean, I used to write 2 reports every week..a total of ~20 reports for the whole 10 weeks (that's for one class hoho). Here, ~10 reports for 16 weeks (that's for 2 classes hoho)? haha

So anyway, all in all, it's fine here. Although I can't deny I prefer Davis more. Smaller town, everything is accessible by bicycle, and I felt it's safer, since there were less crime and the cars were not that fast (unlike here..the cars are so fast like pelesit and they don't really care about pedestrians). But o well, life goes on. Take everything as it is. As long as I am satisfied with my study environment, I am happy enough.

I can't wait for my husband to come. I have been looking for a one bedroom apartment/flat/house to rent. Hopefully I will get an affordable, beautiful place soon.

Of men and self respect

2010-03-31T03:29:00.000-07:00

Have you watched the movie "He's just not that into you?" I liked it. In my opinion, it's a good movie and all women should watch it. Although I didn't agree with some things in it..I guess that's because the difference in cultures and values. O well~

Anyway, I bet most of you (women) have had your heart broken at least once. And I bet some (or most) of you have experienced relationship where you felt like you were the only one making all the initiatives to make sure the relationship worked, but your partner did nothing?

I have. Let me tell you my story. (this is my blog anyway, sukati la ahaha)

I met this guy, A, in January 2003. Seven months later, we got together. Yep, he asked me first. I make it a rule..the guy has to be the one who initiates it..I am traditional in that way. So anyway, everything was okay, until about maybe..7 months later, if I am not mistaken. He started to not calling me or texting me. Being someone who was loyal and really wanted the relationship to work, I tried my best to keep in touch, to text him everyday, or call him at least once or twice a week. I did not care if I had to go down to the nearest public phone in the middle of the night and spending RM20 just to call and talk to him for half an hour. I did not care even he did not sound excited to hear my voice. I did not care if I texted him and got nothing back. I did not care, because I really liked him (although before I told people that I loved him, but when I think about it now, I am pretty sure it was not love) and I really wanted the relationship to work. After all, he did tell me that he loved me. He did give me a ring. He did talk about having a family with me. He did tell his parents about me. He did everything that made me sure that he really wanted me. But then, his act of suddenly ignoring me left me hanging.

It was a terrible 3 years, alright. He kept on coming and going. I kept on telling myself that the relationship would work. I had faith in us. I had faith in him. I believed that he must had his own reason to not properly keeping in touch with me, and I believed that he had his own reason to not telling me what the reason was. I also believed whatever the reason was, he would solve it, and everything would go back to what it was before. I believed we would go through it. I strongly believed that he loved me. He told me that, didn't he?

But wow, was I wrong. That day when I saw him running away from me, was the day everything had shattered but becoming clear at the same time. He saw me, I swear. He was talking to someone when he saw me. But then as soon as I walked towards him, he was gone. The next thing I knew, I was looking at his back, walking away from me. I was struck. Then everything came into me. It was real. The silence was real. The unreplied messages were real. He really did not want me. Why didn't he tell me straight to my face? Why didn't I realize it sooner?

It was hard. It was terribly hard. All the things that I thought real, were actually fake. All the happiness that I felt, was actually my own imagination. The image of me and him getting married, the image of him sitting, reading a newspaper while I was cooking, the image of us in a car going somewhere together..those were all my imagination. My own imagination. The imagination that I thought I shared with him, but apparently it wasn't shared. I was imagining it alone. ALONE. Why didn't I realize it sooner? Why?

Right after that incident, I was with another guy. He was a rebound--we got together the day after I saw my-ex walking away from me. And I regretted it, of course. He dumped me in the end, which made me relieved as we really weren't compatible, at all. That's the perfect example of the first rule of relationship: never get into a new relationship shortly after a breakup. (Remember!)

After being dumped, I had a fling with another guy. But it did not work out. Of course it wouldn't. I knew from the beginning that it wouldn't work out. After all, he had a girlfriend. Who was I kidding?

After all those failed romances, I found myself single, unhappy, and still looking. But seriously, how the hell was I gonna find a good man? It's a rare species after all.

However, a couple of weeks later, I sat down, and I realized that I was actually tired. I was tired of failed relationships. I was tired of trying, chasing, hoping, and not getting. I was tired of looking. I was tired physically, mentally and emotionally. I was tired, and I knew I'd had enough.

As I sat down, I started to think about myself. I thought, "I am not that bad. I am not beautiful, pretty, and cute, but I sure am not ugly. But actually, I think I am quite beautiful. I have a good body proportion too, although I am not a model-perfect. I know how to cook. I know how to sew. I know how to take care of babies and children. I am smart, although I am not a genius. I am ambitious. I am strong-willed. I am independent. I know to do almost everything, although not much, but enough for me to live. I am not gedik. I am not becok. I am a matured person. I am not demanding. I am not a high-maintenance-d person. I am not pious, but I am religious enough. I am loyal and I am full of love. I am romantic. I am a good candidate for a wife. I am a good person. And I deserve a good man as well."

After I told that to myself, I felt some kind of strength started to build up inside of me. Then I decided, "Since I deserve a good man, I will wait for the good man to come. Until then, I will not let any less good man to have my heart, even a small fraction of it. I will not give my heart to a man who will almost certainly break it again. I will not give it to a man who doesn't take me seriously. I will not give it to a man who will not chase me, fight for me. I will not give it to a man who doesn't know how to treat me well. I will not give it to a man who does not want to take me to be his wife. I will not give my heart to anyone, until the good man comes into my life and fight for it. Until then, I will keep on living my life, and building my career." And only with that, I felt so much better, and I started seeing the world with a new perspective. Yep, I was alone, but I felt content, because I strongly believed one day the good man would come to my life, and until that time came, I would just wait.

Approximately two months after that, I met an old classmate which I hadn't met for 11 years. About two weeks later, chemistry started to kick in. A week after, we got together. 14 months after, we got engaged. 2 months later, we got married. And now, I am proud to say that I am happily married to the good man whom I had waited.

It sounded as if I did not give my husband a hard time, didn't I? O you bet I did. The night he confessed to me that he liked me and wanted to be in a relationship with me, I told him I did not want to be in a relationship, because it didn't guarantee a happy ending, although I did tell him that I liked him too. Instead, I told him to come to my house and see my parents if he really serious about wanting me. And he actually did. A few days after. Looking at his effort and sincerity, I accepted him with arms wide open. Because with him, everything felt right. And it still does.

So I guess what I am trying to say is, in order to find love, we have to love ourselves first. In order to find respect, we have to respect ourselves first. We need to know ourselves. Identify our strengths and weaknesses; and accept them, embrace them. Only then we'll see what kind of people we actually deserve. Only then, we'll protect ourselves from unnecessary heartache.

I hate seeing women wasting their time trying to keep a relationship when their men do nothing. I hate seeing women trying their best when their men seem not to care. I know they deserve better, and I also know that their men deserve a punch in the face. At least.

Tolak jatuh gaung lagi best.

Simply beautiful

2010-03-27T08:41:00.000-07:00

I've seen so many beautiful things in my life. But still, the most beautiful thing I have laid my eyes on was the sight of him trying to hide his shyness when I asked him the reason he didn't want me to study abroad. He was there, sitting on the passenger seat of my small Kancil, trying to act comfortable when he was obviously not; removing his eyes off me as soon as I looked at him. He was there, so big yet so small, so masculine yet so cute.

That, to me, was the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes on. That sight, although lasted no longer than a second, has permanently been engraved in my mind, in my heart.

Simply beautiful.

Ice-cream flavor

2010-03-23T05:49:00.000-07:00

I was reading Kakak's blog (no, not my sister, it's a nickname for my high school friend) and she posted something about this quiz on how personality relates with favorite ice-cream flavor. So I thought I could give it a shot since my brain had gotten all confused with all these genetic stuffs.

So anyway I did it. The quiz had 9 questions on your preferences/personality basically. Typical stuffs. After I had finished answering all the questions, I hit the result button and seconds later...

TADA!

*copy pasted from here*

-------------

Note: Scores are rounded to one decimal place and therefore may not total 100%

You scored 33.3%

Strawberry

Strawberry ice cream types are naturally loyal, honest and trustworthy. No doubt you have a devoted circle of friends who rely on you for the right answer to any moral dilemma. Like Chocolate Chip types, you tend to set high standards for yourself, but you are also somewhat shy and reserved. And you don't like to admit it, but you're also a tad pessimistic. Maybe you're just disappointed that no one can seem to live up to your own sense of responsibility and forthrightness. When it comes to romance and relationships, Strawberry types do well with optimistic, outgoing Chocolate Chips. Fun fact: Strawberry is tied with Butter Pecan as the third most popular ice cream flavor.

You scored 22.2%

Butter Pecan

Butter Pecan ice cream types are organized, put-together, and generally valued for their fairness, efficiency and lack of pretension � you won't see a Butter Pecan type putting on airs. In fact, it may be hard for a no-nonsense Butter Pecan type like you to express yourself at all, even though you're privately quite sympathetic and observant. No doubt you like to plan ahead and take charge, which means you're often over-committed. When it comes to romance and relationships, you're most compatible with your own kind � other Butter Pecan types who appreciate hard work and good sense. Fun fact: Butter Pecan is tied with Strawberry for the third most popular ice cream flavor.

You scored 22.2%

Chocolate Chip

If you're a Chocolate Chip ice cream type, you're a creative force to be reckoned with. No doubt you've got a competitive streak a mile wide. The good news is that it brings out the best in you by forcing you to live up to your own demanding standards. Still, you can be rather unforgiving at times with those who don't share your vision and drive. Friends value your magnetism, charm and originality. When it comes to romance and relationships, Chocolate Chips are best off with high-achieving Butter Pecans and empathetic, insightful Chocolates. Fun fact: Chocolate chip ice cream lovers tend to also indulge in other "chunky" flavors, such as Cookie Dough, Mint Chip and Rocky Road.

You scored 22.2%

Chocolate

If you're a Chocolate ice cream type, you are flirtatious, charming and even a little dramatic. No doubt you're an intuitive and sensitive person who puts a high value on family, relationships and romance. But your instincts may sometimes steer you wrong: You tend to be easily influenced in directions that you know aren't the best for you, and you have a tendency toward self-indulgence. Still, your liveliness and your trusting nature have earned you many admirers and friends. When it comes to romance and relationships, Chocolate types are compatible with reliable Butter Pecans and high-focus, high-energy Chocolate Chips. Fun fact: Chocolate is the second most popular ice cream flavor.

You scored 0%

Vanilla

Contrary to what you may expect, Vanilla ice cream types aren't bland or boring. Rather, you're probably quite gregarious, impulsive, fun loving and expressive. You may have a hard time making up your mind � Vanillas are known for never saying no, even when they probably should. Vanilla types also tend to take a romantic, hopeful view of life. Your motto: Live for the moment, and everything will work out fine. When it comes to romance and relationships, Vanilla types are happiest with your own kind � only someone equally spontaneous and energetic will do. Fun fact: Vanilla is far and away the most popular ice cream flavor.

----------

So there you go. I am a mixed. I must admit I have never bought a strawberry ice-cream and butter pecan, although I have tasted both. I love strawberry yogurt though (does strawberry frozen yogurt count as strawberry ice-cream? haha). I like chocolate chip and chocolate ice-cream. Occasionally I'll get McD's vanilla ice-cream, because other vanilla ice-creams don't taste as good. But I must say my favorite ice-cream tends to have coffee and some chunky things in it. Like the Lowfat Espresso 'N' Cream from Baskin Robbin. Light enough, chunky enough, sweet enough, bitter enough. Yumyum. Owh, I love green tea ice-cream too, although it doesn't have any coffee or chunky things in it.

As for personality that each flavor represents, I don't know..I personally think that I am reserved, outspoken when I need to, ambitious, laidback, blablabla.. (too sleepy to think). Anyway, whatever, you know me, despite whatever this quiz says (budget dikenali). Haha

Ok, nak bervideo chat dgn Mr.Husband sat.

Good night everyone (;|

*that's a sleepy face, in case you didn't notice*

weird people

2010-03-17T13:42:00.000-07:00

Now, can that be any weirder? Haha

But o well, I love Lady GAGA. Her music is catchy and I particularly love this one. And I also love her because she's weird. Haha

Yepp, I tend to like weird people--Lady Gaga, Johnny Depp, M.Nasir. Ok, maybe I need to explain the last two people. Hmm..I know Johnny Depp is handsome and all, but to tell you the truth, I have started to like him before I noticed his handsome face. I was more attracted to him because he played all the weird movie characters available. And he seems to do it effortlessly. And plus, he's quiet. It's like, all these things that he does and his quiet and reserved character make him a mysterious person..to me. It makes me think, "What does he think actually? 'Who' is he in person?"

M.Nasir is not as weird as Johnny Depp, of course, but his terrific music and his quiet and reserved character, make me attracted to him. Same as Johnny Depp, he makes me think of 'who' is he in person? What does he think?

And the same reason applies to Lady Gaga. Although she's not as quiet and reserved, she's still mysterious to me. It makes me want to know more.

So I guess I tend to like mysterious people, who tend to be weird at the same time.

So, motive of the post?

None.

Hahaha good morning people~ :)

p/s: Lady Gaga is coming to Canberra on 29th March 2010 I think. I want to go..but I think I won't be comfortable with all the people that will be coming. I don't like packed places and although I am attracted to weird people, I don't know how to mingle with weird people, who I think will be the majority of the crowd. I know, it's weird..haha

I wish..

2010-03-16T16:30:00.000-07:00

I am at the computer lab right now, trying to study (konon), but failed. So I thought, I could make use of the time by updating this blog..at least I have something going, than nothing.

So, a few days ago I watched this orchestra-and-ballet performance on TV. I think it was from Venice (for some unknown reason there's a TV channel here that shows art stuffs from all over the world, particularly Europe, on a weekly basis). Watching it brought back memories. I felt goosebumps all over my body. The music and the energy from the players penetrated into my body, and before I knew it, my body was moving according to the music. Ahh..it really made me missed the old times.

I guess I always have the artsy side in me. I grew up obsessing about painting, and drawing. I drew whenever I could with whatever thing that I could put my hands on. Let it be a pencil, pen, marker pen, a stick, crayon, water color..you name it, I had used it. And of course, I used to draw on the wall of my house too. And luckily my parents just too tired to bother about it. They even let it be there until I was 11. They said it would bring back memories when I grew up. They sure were right. Just by looking at the wall, I saw how my drawing had evolved.

But of course, the drawing is not there now. The house was renovated when I was 11, so the drawing had to go. And starting at around that time too, I stopped drawing or painting as much, as I know how expensive drawing/painting materials could be. And plus, I couldn't draw on the wall anymore.. And also at around that time, I started to build interest in music. Not really in listening to it, but in playing it.

I remember watching marching bands playing during Independence Day Celebrations on TV, and I thought, "When I go to secondary school, and if the school has a marching band, I want to join it." And boy, I was lucky. My secondary school had one of the best school marching bands in Malaysia, and of course, I joined it. The experience was awesome. For the first time in my life, I played other instrument--a real musical instrument--other than the recorder we used to play in primary school. For the first time in my life, I studied the music score. I learned how to play the Euphonium properly. I learned to distinguish a good, clean, and solid sound from a bad, airy sound. I learned how to tune. I learned the difference between a flat sound and a sharp sound. I just learned everything that I could about music..mostly on my own (of course the seniors told me the basics, but other than that, I learned by try-and-error).

Being in the marching band was a big part of my secondary school life. I think, that's the only thing that made me feel alive when I was in secondary school. It got better when we also formed an orchestra ensamble out of the band. Playing long and more emotional pieces..it was heaven. I fell in love.

But then, after leaving school, my artsy side has been basically surpressed. I couldn't join any musical ensamble because I have never taken any formal music class, other than the one they taught at school, and who am I kidding if I were to compete with those people who have this and that certificate from this and that art school. And of course, after years of not drawing or painting, I have lost the skills too. I do draw sometimes, of course, but I don't know if doodling is considered an art.

Maybe if people ask me do I have any regret, I think I do, and that is, I regret losing and not being able to do things that I love doing. Things that make me feel alive. Things that able to transfer me into a trans state. And those things are, playing music and drawing/painting.

Watching orchestra performances and spending hours in art galleries have never failed to make me think, "I wish, I wish.."

I wish.

Perihal anak

2010-03-13T20:29:00.000-08:00

Ramai org telah mula bertanya bila saya mahu ada anak. "Perut sudah berisi?" ke.. "Wah, nanti anak kau org Australia la!" ke.. atau "Mama, k.fizah dah kawin eh? Nanti k.fizah ade anak tak? Anak diye laki ke perempuan?" Soalan yang terakhir itu adalah soalan pertama tentang anak yg saya terima, dan soalan itu ditanya oleh sepupu saya yang baru sekolah tadika..

Tidak dapat saya nafikan, naluri seorang ibu telah lama ada dalam diri saya. Tatkala memandang bayi2 yg comel, terdetik hati "Nanti aku ade anak, hopefully comel jugak!" Kanak-kanak kecil di bawah umur 7 tahun juga mungkin boleh merasakan naluri keibuan saya. Tak dapat saya terangkan bagaimana, tetapi kanak-kanak dari kumpulan ini sering menunjukkan tanda2 yang mereka senang bersama saya, walaupun saya tidak pernah memberi 'rasuah' gula-gula atau sebagainya. Mungkin saya pun senang dengan mereka. Masih naif dan manja, masih tidak pandai melawan kata.

Namun apakan daya, saya masih belajar untuk mendapatkan Master degree. Mendapat anak pada peringkat ini, pada saya, agak menyukarkan saya untuk pergi ke kelas, membuat assignment, membuat kajian dan sebagainya. Mungkin bagi sebilangan org, itu bukanlah alasan. Saya tahu jika kita inginkan sesuatu, kita pasti boleh melakukannya. Tetapi saya juga tahu tentang kemampuan saya. Ya, saya boleh membuat banyak kerja pada satu2 masa, tetapi saya tidak yakin dengan kemampuan saya berjalan laju menaiki tangga pergi ke kelas dengan perut yang memboyot, dengan emosi yang tidak stabil, dengan tekak yang loya tanpa alasan.

Mungkin nanti, bila saya sudah tidak perlu mengambil banyak kelas lagi, bila tanggungjawab saya hanyalah membuat kajian di makmal. Pada waktu itu, mungkin saya tidak perlu untuk bergegas ke kelas dan berlari-lari untuk menghantar assignment. Pada waktu itu, saya yakin dengan kemampuan diri saya untuk menjalankan tanggungjawab kerja saya dengan perut yang memboyot. Pada waktu itu, saya tidak akan menolak sekiranya saya diberi rezeki daripada Allah untuk mendapat anak. Pada waktu itu, saya yakin untuk menjalankan tanggungjawab saya sebagai seorang bakal pendidik dan juga sebagai seorang isteri yang bertanggungjawab melahirkan zuriat suaminya. Saya tahu suami saya juga menginginkan zuriat daripada saya.

Tetapi bukan waktu ini. Pada waktu ini, saya masih tidak yakin.

Nanti, ya?

updates on wedding preparation and flying off

2010-02-02T23:35:00.000-08:00

Suddenly I have some spare time and I've decided to write updates of my life.

Currently there are two big things happening in my life. First, is me getting married in 3 days. And second, is me flying off to Canberra in 2 weeks.

Let's go to the first thing first. Eh, thinking back, I'll write about it in my wedding blog.

So let's skip to the second thing--me flying off to Canberra.

I received the offer letter for my scholarship last Friday, January 31, 2010. A whole lot of things have to be done--acceptence of offer, contracts, visa, medical checkup, etc. Yesterday I went to IDP to accept my offer, and now I have to wait for a necessary document for visa application. I went to do my medical checkup last Monday, but since I'm having that-time-of-the-month, so I have to postpone it to next week. My mom and brother had done getting their bosses to sign the contract, and now my mom is on her way to send the contract to me. Next step is getting signature from any officer in my office. Then I will be done with the contract, I think. So tomorrow I can go to LHDN to endorse the contracts.

I have no other choice but wait for Monday to do my medical checkup before submitting everything to the Registrar. Urgh.

Anyway, despite having whole loads of things to do, Ajoy and me are going for our honeymoon on Monday. Hahaha! Well, I need some quality time with him before having to fly off without him, don't I?

Anyway, I am tired. (@o@)~

Mari menulis!

2010-01-15T00:47:00.000-08:00

I chatted with Mas minutes ago, and being me, most of the things that come out of my mouth (or in this case, fingers) are crap. For example, this is what I wrote:

Seekor anjing menggonggong tulang. Kemudian, semasa tiba di atas sebuah jambatan, anjing itu terlihat akan bayang-bayangnya di atas air. Anjing itu berasa tamak dan menginginkan tulang yang digonggong oleh bayang-bayangnya, lalu ia pun membuka mulut untuk mengambil tulang itu. Tanpa disedari, tulang yang digonggongnya tadi terjatuh ke dalam sungai. Akhirnya anjing itu kehilangan tulang yang dipunyainya tadi. Lalu terjadilah peribahasa, "Orang tamak selalu rugi, bagai anjing dengan bayang-bayang." ~tamat~

Reading it again, I though, "OMG a standard 4 student can write better than me!" (Fyi, that was the best that I could write. I actually had to think when writing that! Unbelievable!). Look what a 4-years-of-living-abroad has done to me. Hohoho.

Anyway, looking at how bad and funny and stupid my short essay is, I thought it would be fun if we could share our bad/funny/stupid short essay with each other. It could be the thing that will lit up our Monday blues this coming Monday! hehehe

So people, feel free to share your short essay here! :)

Of dosa-pahala, sincerity, and keredhaan

2010-01-13T23:26:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went to see a pharmacist to ask about a suitable supplement for my lightheaded problem. He said I might not be having enough rest, and he suggested that I took a multivitamin+multimineral supplement. Basically something that has iron in it to promote red blood cells formation.

Anyway, I kinda disagree with his statement that I might not be having enough rest, because as we all know, my work doesn't require a lot of energy. But o well, I've decided to not come to the office next week anyway to get a good rest at home.

By the way, I think the real reason I've been sick a lot of time after I came back to Malaysia is because I've been doing a lot of sins (ceh konon before this baik sangat la hahaha). Let's face it. Being in a relationship like this alone makes me commit sins everyday (nak kawin skrg jugak). And as people say, being sick helps our small sins disappear (This is what I hear, I don't know any dalil for this).

Speaking about sins, since we were small, we've been told about dosa-pahala. If we do something good, we'll get pahala and go to heaven. If we do something bad, we'll get dosa and go to hell. We've also been told that if we do jemaah prayer, we'll get 27 times more pahala compared to doing it alone. If we do this, we'll get this amount of pahala. If we do that, we'll get this amount of pahala. Before I knew it, I've been counting my pahala and tried to do things that would give me more pahala.

Then one day it striked me.

When we do something, thinking about the amount of pahala that we are going to get, wouldn't that makes us be not-that-sincere in doing it? I mean, we'll be doing it for the promised pahala, instead of doing it in search for keredhaan Allah.

That thought 5-6 years back marked the stop of my pahala counting/comparing.

I've stopped counting pahala now. I even tried to not know how much pahala one good deed would give me. Instead, I try to do good deeds because I know Allah loves it, and I try to not commit any bad things because I know Allah hates it (although buat jugak tu huhu). After all, I just want Allah's love. His redha. All the things about pahala and heaven, those come second to me (I'm still scared of the hell, though, of course).

As the first step, I'm trying to strengthen my prayer. After all, it's the most basic thing, and also our invisible 'shield', isn't it?

One step at a time.. :)

p/s: Sedang berazam menjadi muslim yg lebih baik ni. Semangat ni. Tak tipu! :P

Who said I've never been fat?

2010-01-13T19:25:00.000-08:00

16 years old - after a band rehearsal somewhere, 2001
weight: 48kg, waist: 26"

17 years old - the usual chitchat session in class, 2002
weight: 53kg, waist: 27"

19 years old - in san diego, winter 04
weight: 55-56kg, waist: 28"

20 years old - fisherman's wharf, san francisco, spring 05
weight: 55-56kg, waist: 28"

21 years old - raya celebration, fall 06
weight: ~58kg, waist: 29"

22 years old - hawaii, spring 07
weight: 59-60kg, waist: 29-30" *gasp*
started jogging and eating less during summer

23 years old - with my boss and a colleague, spring 08
weight: 55-56kg, waist: 28"
had to buy several new pair of jeans at the beginning of senior year

24 years old - hanging out with then-boyfriend-now-fiance at putrajaya, 2009
weight: 54-55kg, waist: 27-28"

24 years old - the engagement, dec 2009
weight: ~54kg, waist: ~27"
weight seems to not want to increase after being sick for 2 weeks, which is a good thing.

Who said I've never been fat??

Hahahaha

Spreading love

2010-01-10T19:02:00.001-08:00

While watching Anugerah Juara Lagu last night, my mom said, "All the songs are about love."

I thought, "Well, I guess love makes people write songs/poems. The emotion is just too much to bare, that you just want to sing." (I did not say it out loud because I was too lazy to say anything haha)

Anyway, click here for the proof for the statement. K.z said I just wrote a poem in that post.

I did?? Really??

Hahahaha

Well, I guess I was (and still, and will always be, insyaAllah) in love :)

<3

p/s: To people who burn/plan to burn churches and other things. Stop, please? It doesn't solve anything, instead it makes it worst. Spread love, not hate, okay? Thank you.

The ultimate cure for hiccups

2010-01-08T00:39:00.001-08:00

I'm sure all of us have had hiccups before, and it was annoying, wasn't it?

I don't know what's with my body, but everytime me or someone else (not a professional) massage me, I will burp, which is later followed by hiccups. It is very annoying because I will burp and hiccup at the same time. It is a disaster. And I did not know how to stop the hiccup, until finally my fiance told me the ultimate cure for hiccup.

This method of curing hiccups works for me everytime. It has never failed on me even once. Now I'm going to tell you the ultimate cure for hiccups..

*drum roll*

Take some water, gargle it for a few seconds and swallow it right after. If you do it right, you'll feel like hiccuping (<--does this word exist?) right after that, but the hiccup just doesn't come out. It will just stop.

Try it the next time you get hiccup! You'll be amazed by the result :)

p/s: Or do you have your own ultimate cure for hiccups? Care to share? :)

Friday afternoon randomness

2010-01-07T23:18:00.000-08:00

We are so random.

Jinan, K.z and I went to Mines this afternoon for lunch. Jinan wanted to get her friend a gift.

After having lunch and buying gift, we headed back to the car. Then we saw a Thai Massage salon next to the exit. Before we knew it, we were in the salon, having our feet washed.

Jinan and K.z got the foot reflexology and upper body massage. I got the full body massage. Both services cost the same (RM55/hr).

We left the salon an hour later, laughing about how the workers literally folded our bodies. Jinan and K.z were wondering how I could manage to look all calm when the worker twisted my body. Hmm..maybe because this is my second experience, so I knew what to expect. My first was when I went to the one in Setiawangsa with Ajoy :)

Anyway, we went back to the office feeling refreshed. Now I can get back to work!

Or can't I??

Haha

p/s: lesson learned, go to the restroom first before getting a massage. I seriously thought my bladder would burst. haha

Wishlist

2010-01-07T17:43:00.000-08:00

Friday, January 8, 2009. Weather: Raining

Mari kelihatan gedik dan menglistdown barang2 yg diingini:

1) Clinique Simply perfume 100 mL
2) a good eyebrow pencil
3) a good nude lipstick
4) eye-smudger brush
5) black eyeshadow (owh and other colors too XP)
6) a good dslr camera
7) a whole new wardrobe since my sister wears everything (except jeans) that I have and I am left with nothing (apart from the fact that I have been wearing the same clothes for 3-4 years now)
8) a pair of pretty, cute, and comfortable white sandals/heels (should be sturdy too)
9) a pair of comfortable black sandals. The ones that I own are too high to be worn often (these too should be sturdy)
10) a couple (or more) of fashionable and comfortable flats (and these too, sturdy is a must)
11) a new cellphone, installed with a good organizer in it. and also gps. easy to use, and no touch screen, please.
12) sturdy and fashionable handbags. and more handbags
13) a cute laptop
14) a whole life supply of complete spa packages
15) a good service for my kancil
16) a sponsor for my study to Australia, or any part of the world other than here.
17) nak kawen skrg jugak.

Okay dah. Now, where can I find the money??

*peeping outside the window, just in case it's raining money*

The usage of the word 'Allah'

2010-01-04T18:50:00.000-08:00

I want to voice out my opinion on the controversy on the usage of the word "Allah" in Herald Catholic (that's the correct name of the newspaper, if I'm not mistaken).

Yes, I respect the court's decision, but I think this case is larger than it looks. Maybe based on the constitution, the newspaper has the right to use the word (according to the judge), but the effect of the usage would be huge. This will make those with low understanding confuse, and who knows the confusion it will bring to the children, especially. This issue has touched the sensitivity of the Muslim.

They say they want to use the word "Allah" as a translation to the word 'god'. But please, the translation to the word 'god' is 'tuhan', not 'Allah'. The word 'Allah' refers specifically to the God of the Muslims. Not everyone knows the word 'Allah', anyway.

Even if we look at the translation to the syahadah of the Muslims, "Aku naik saksi bahawa tiada tuhan yang disembah melainkan Allah, dan aku naik saksi bahawa Nabi Muhammad itu pesuruh Allah." If they say god=tuhan=Allah, we can modify the translation to "Aku naik saksi bahawa tiada Allah yg disembah melainkan Allah"? This is wrong, isn't it?

Let's look at the translation of surah Al-Ikhlas:

"Katakanlah bahawa Allah itu maha Esa. Allah adalah Ilah yg bergantung kepadanya segala urusan. Dia tidak beranak dan tidak pula diperanakkan. Dan tidak ada seorang pun yg setara denganNya."

I mean, really, the word 'Allah' is a kata nama khas, the name of the God of the Muslims, whereas the word 'god' is a just a kata nama, a general noun. To the Muslims, yes, when we say 'God', we refer to 'Allah', but not to the followers of other religions.

If they say 'god'='tuhan'='Allah', then it should be applicable to the other religions as well. For example, "Allah agama Buddha ialah...., Allah agama Hindu ialah...." This is totally wrong. I bet other religions do not want to associate their Gods with 'Allah' as well. I mean, really, 'Allah' is the God for the Muslim.

When we say 'Allah', we refer to The Allah. There is only one Allah in this world. Allah is one.

Allah is the God of the Muslims.

Just because you can do it, does not mean you have to do it.

Please.

p/s: Read Tun. M view on this here.

Happy New Year! (which is not so new)

2010-01-03T23:22:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year, everyone! (although it's already January the fourth today haha)

Anyway, I don't know if I'm gonna reflect on what had happened in 2009..hmm..thinking back, maybe a little bit.

Hmm..nothing much happened I think. Just the failed plan of getting married in June, the disappointing Masters program, the acceptance into ANU which was followed by the fight for scholarship (which I'm still fighting for). 2009 would have been one of the worst years of my life, but thank God for the never-ending love and care by my then-bf-now-fiance...which reminded me that that's the only (very) good thing that happened to me in 2009.

Now I am eager to know what 2010 have for me.

Anyway, now that it's a new year, people always talk about new year's resolution. The truth is, I don't have any for 2010. It's because I've already made one during Maal Hijrah. On 1st Muharram 1431, I've promised to myself that I would try to be a better person this year and to be a better Muslimah. It's that simple.

I hope 2010 will bring me (and all of us) joy and happiness. May we all be a better person, insyaAllah.

p/s: I've added a new life principle--Life is what we want it to be. So stop blaming, start working.

Makeups

2009-12-30T21:59:00.000-08:00

(This post is perfect for makeup beginners, like me, not experts. haha)

Hehe let's talk about girly stuff today (gedik sat :P). Today, I want to talk about makeup.

Hmm..when was the first time you guys wear makeup on a daily basis? (women only, of course. I don't want to know guys who wear makeup on a daily basis. If you do, keep it to yourself, please. haha)

Honestly I only started to wear makeup on a daily basis during my final year at college. (Before that I only wore powder and lipbalm, which is not a makeup btw). At that time, I forced myself to wear simple makeup everyday (foundation/powder, eyeliner and occasionally, lip gloss and mascara) because I reliazed that I would enter the career world once I graduated, and to me, every career woman need to have some makeup on to make them look more professional. When I say makeup, I don't mean covering your face with everything, just a simple powder, mascara/eyeliner, and lip gloss will do. And so, diligently, I wore makeup everyday, even on busy days, because I believed I would be busy once I entered the career world anyway, so I might as well practice to get used to it.

Since then, I have tried to learn the basics of makeup--how to choose the perfect foundation, how to apply the eyeliner, what are the makeup essentials, etc. And of course, during the learning process, I have embarassed myself by applying my makeup the wrong way, which made me look funny. But that's okay. I have learned from my mistakes, and I think now, I am able to apply makeup the correct way (I think..free to disagree haha).

Anyway, one of the important things about makeup, other than the techniques, is the type (or brand) of the makeup used. I have tried quite a number of makeup before, and now I have found some of my favorites. Let me tell you what they are.

(1) Foundation

I have a combination skin and it is quite sensitive/pimple-prone as well. Hence, finding the right foundation that does not irritate my skin (apart from the right facial cleanser and moisturizer) is important to me. Personally, I think finding the right foundation is the hardest process of all (I think most people would agree with this!). Firstly, most foundations tend to have a heavy feeling when you put it on your face--which I hate--especially liquid and creme foundation. The feeling is not that apparent when using a compact foundation, though. For me, the best foundation that does not give this feeling is mineral foundation, which I am currently using. Secondly, finding the right shade is owh-so-difficult. Being a southeast asian, I have a yellow-based tanned skin, but most foundations tend to be white or pink based. Everytime I bought over-the-counter foundation, I have never felt totally satisfied with my buy. All the foundations that I have used before tend to make me look like I was wearing a mask.

However, a few months ago, I found this mineral foundation from lovingminerals.com that matched my skin tone perfectly. The color was designed specifically for southeast asians' skin. When I put it on, I swear I looked like I was not wearing any makeup on, but the foundation gave me the coverage I needed. Plus, with it's dual function as a concealer as well, I could just take a concealer brush, dab it a little with the foundation, and cover all the scars that I have. I love love love the color. However, the downside of this foundation-concealer is that I need to use quite a lot of it, and it doesn't really stay that long compared to the other mineral foundation that I have used (Bare Escentuals). To me, Bare Escentuals foundations are at the same level as liquid foundations in terms of its 'staying' power, however, unfortunately, it doesn't have the perfect shade for me (apart from the fact that it is not sold in Malaysia).

(2) Finishing powder

I have to say my favorite is Mineral veil from Bare Escentuals. Mineral veil is just perfect. It makes my makeup stays and it makes my skin less shiny (I have oily skin, especially at the T-zone). However, since it is not sold in Malaysia, I have to find other alternatives. I used to use Maybelline's Loose Powder, which worked just fine, but I cannot find it anymore. Now I am using Silky Girl's Loose Powder, but I don't fancy it as much since I don't really like the smell and shade. I am still looking for the right replacement for the owh-so-loveable Mineral Veil.

(3) Eyeliner

Typically, the first eyeliner for most people is the pencil eyeliner. I have used it too, but I did not really fancy it since it's not as dark, and sometimes it was too stiff and hard that it hurt when I put it on. The softer ones however, tend to smudge easily. I tried liquid eyeliner after that, but it was too hard to control. Thanks to Mas, I tried Clinique's gel/cream liner and I loved it.

Gel liner is like the merged product of a pencil liner and a liquid liner. It has the intensity of a liquid liner, and is easy to control like a pencil liner. It is also perfect if you want to produce a smoky look as you can easily smudge it with a brush after application. I personally love Clinique's and MAC's gel liner since both stay on longer and don't smudge (I couldn't find Clinique's in Malaysia, though). Nowadays there are a lot of other brands producing gel liner, such as Maybellilne and Revlon, but I haven't had the opportunity to try them. I will, maybe, after I have finished using my MAC's (which I have been using for a year now, and I still have, like, 40% left. A good RM70 investment, I'd say).

(4) Mascara

I have short, straight, thin eyelashes *sob*. Finding a good mascara which can lengthen, thicken, and curl my owh-so-sad eyelashes, while at the same time does not smudge, is a challenge for me. After a lot of buying and trying, I fell in love with these two babies--Fasio's Power Stay Mascara 3D + Air Tech (Curl Volume), and L'oreal's double extension (tube technology) mascaras. Fasio's mascara stays on like a paint! No kidding! Rubbing, washing with water won't take it off, so it is perfect to be worn on days you think you would cry (haha). It, however, doesn't really thicken my lashes, but it lengthen them just fine. Perfect for a natural look, I'd say.

L'oreal's however, lengthen, thicken, and curl my eyelashes perfectly! It makes me look like I am wearing fake lashes! When I tried it on, I knew I had to have it! It stays on perfectly too, although it's not waterproof. I just love it. The effect is heavier than Fasio's though, so it is perfect for functions, I'd say. But you can still wear it everyday, of course, if you don't mind looking a little bit too made on a daily basis.

p/s: tips for muslims, don't let your waterproof mascara touching your skin when putting it on, so that you won't have to take if off while taking ablution :)

(5) Eye shadows

I haven't tried a lot of eye shadows yet, but I am currently using those from lovingminerals.com and absolutely like it! They are in powder form though, so you might need a little bit of practice before mastering it. Previously, I have tried creme eyeshadows, but I don't like them as much because they tend to crease. I'm yet to try pallete eyeshadow though.

(6) Blushers

I only started to use blusher about 2 weeks ago, so I cannot really say anything about this. But currently, I am using Maybelline's mineral blush in original rose. So far, I love the color, but it doesn't stay that long, I think. I still need to look at other alternatives.

Hmm..that's that I think. Care to share what your favorites are? :)

I am fasting today

2009-12-28T22:12:00.000-08:00

I am fasting today. Need to start replacing those days I skipped..

Actually I did not make any niat to fast until this morning, when I wake up for sahur. Which means I wouldn't have fasted if I did not wake up on time. And I thought I wouldn't wake up on time since I went to bed quite late (12:50am).

Miraculously I felt my heart jerking at 4:58am this morning, and so I was awake. My alarm had not ringing yet since I set it to go off at 5:15am. Normally I would pull my blanket and continue sleeping but then I remembered these words uttered by one of the speakers during my marriage course:

"Kalau kamu terjaga malam2 tu, bermakna Allah nak kamu bercakap dengan dia.."

Then I remembered that I wanted to fast today. Allah tolong kejutkan rupanya. Alhamdulillah.

And so I pushed my blanket away and headed straight to the bathroom to take my shower.

Second chance

2009-12-23T18:32:00.001-08:00

I sent an email to the deputy vice chancellor (academic) yesterday asking for the result of my application. However, she asked me to ask the registrar as she couldn't possibly remember all 30 cases that were brought up in the meeting last Tuesday.

I called the registrar today. And as expected, the person who is responsible for this thing is on leave (MC). She was on leave yesterday too. And I expect her to be on leave till the end of this year. Anyway, I called her assistant, and my calls were not picked up.

Then I got a call from Jinan. Apparently her luck was better and the assistant actually picked up her call. Jinan asked about my application. The assistant told her that my application needs further discussion by the Majlis Pengurusan Universiti (or something like that). The meeting is normally held every week, but since there will be a lot of people on leave next week, they will hold the meeting the week after. So, I still have to wait for another two weeks to get the result.

I am disappointed yet relieved at the same time. Disappointed because I still need to wait, but relieved because at least I know it was not rejected. And also relieved because I feel like I am given a second chance to pray my heart out.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Let me get this. I want this. I need this.

Amiiin~

p/s: Please pray for me people. I really need everyone's prayer. huhuhu

Of finding Mr.Right and saving money..

2009-12-21T21:24:00.001-08:00

With all these wedding stuffs, it makes me realize two things.

(1) In search for the right one, the perfect man might not be our Mr.Right. What important is, he is the perfect one for us. He may have some flaws, or may even have a lot of flaws, but somehow we know that he is the right one of us. After all, no one is perfect right? Including ourselves. So, why do our Mr.Right has to be perfect? When we know he is our Mr.Right, we see perfection in the imperfection. But of course, one thing that I think everyone needs to have is the desire to be better--that includes ourselves, and our Mr.Right. People will change over time, so why not changing for the better with our Mr.Right?

(2) We know that wedding costs a LOT, but we tend to save for our wedding when we actually have found our Mr.Right, since saving before finding our Mr.Right may make us look dreamy/pathetic/living in a fantasy. But trust me, we will spend more when we have found our Mr.Right, so trying to save at that time is kinda pointless. So, to singles out there, start saving before it's too late! Just ignore what other people might say! (or just answer you are saving for a holiday oversea instead)

p/s: scholarship result today. *bit nails*

Lightheadedness

2009-12-20T16:58:00.000-08:00

Have you ever felt lightheaded? How often?

I used to be active and strong ever since I was a little girl. However, I started to not able to stand up for too long when I hit 15. Everytime I needed to stand up for speeches etc., my stomach would feel funny and I would start sweating. Then I would start to feel lightheaded. Usually I would end up having to go out of the line and find a place to sit.

That feeling didn't occur often though. It would normally occur whenever I had to stand (not walking/jogging/running) for more than 15 minutes. And I never hit the point where I was about to faint.

However, it has gotten worst starting 2 years ago. I started to feel lightheaded whenever I jog on the treadmill for too long (more than 30 minutes), but it did not happen whenever I jog on the ground. But still, it was bearable, until recently..

For the past year, I have been feeling lightheaded after I jog, either on the ground or treadmill. And about a couple of weeks ago, during my BTN camp, I almost faint when I was in the line during our exercise session (it was neither too hot, nor long..I was standing for less than 30 minutes, I think). My stomach started to feel funny, then I started sweating, and my head felt light. Within seconds, I saw these white 'stars' started to covering my view, then I knew I had to rest.

As if it was not bad enough, since last week, I started to feel lightheaded most of the time, especially after meal, and it would last for hours. Sometimes it would happen before meals too, whenever I felt hungry. It's really irritating because I would not be able to focus on anything when it happened. It got better now though, after I consumed a lot of cockles last Saturday evening.

I looked online for possible explaination. Most of the people who experienced the same problem had hypoglycaemia (aka low blood sugar), or reactive hypoglycaemia (aka low blood sugar after eating). Is there a possibility that I might have it? Or is it just I don't have enough blood? (which I kinda doubt because my palms are red). My late grandmom had to consume a lot of iron at one point because she did not have enough blood. Could it be genetic?

Anyone has an explaination? Should I go to see a doctor?

Perkara-perkara yg saya pelajari ketika BTN

2009-12-16T18:07:00.000-08:00

Dah taktau nak buat ape ni. Tulis blog lah.

Hmm hari ni mari menulis pasal topik2 dalam BTN ari tu.

Basically BTN ari tu citer pasal sejarah Malaysia, starting from kurun ke-7 lagi. Sejarah dari kurun ke-7 ini adalah penting untuk menceritakan tentang perlembagaan, specifically what people call as kontrak sosial (walaupon dalam perlembagaan tiada tertulis perkataan kontrak sosial sebenarnye).

Anyway, pada kurun ke-7, Nusantara (read: tanah2/kepulauan di Asia Tenggara) merupakan satu tamadun, yang dikenali sebagai tamadun Melayu, sama seperti tamadun China, tamadun India dan sebagainya. Apabila penduduk dalam sebuah tamadun itu berhijrah ke kawasan lain dalam tamadun yg sama, dia tidak dikira sebagai pendatang. Kefahaman terhadap konsep ini adalah penting kerana pada masa sekarang ramai org yg mempertikaikan bahawa org Melayu di Malaysia adalah pendatang juga kerana kebanyakannya nenek moyang berasal dari Indonesia. Tetapi sebenarnya tidak, kerana asalnya orang Melayu adalah dari Kepulauan Melayu. Anyway, bezanya tamadun Melayu dengan tamadun China dan India adalah, tamadun Melayu terpecah kepada beberapa negara akibat kedatangan kuasa2 penjajah yang berlainan.

Semasa orang2 Melayu berjuang untuk memperoleh kemerdekaan dari British, orang2 Cina dan India pada ketika itu berdepan dengan dilemma kerana mereka bukan warganegara di Tanah Melayu. Ini bermakna, selepas kemerdekaan, mereka either akan dihantar pulang ke China atau India, atau ke Britain (sebahagian org China dan India yg dibawa masuk ke Malaya pada waktu itu mendapat kerakyatan Britain). Tetapi, dengan keadaan hidup yang rata2nya lebih stabil di Tanah Melayu, org Cina dan India pada waktu itu tidak mahu pulang ke tanah air mereka kerana keadaan ekonomi yg lebih lemah di sana. Pulang ke Britain pula bermakna mereka akan terpaksa bersaing dengan penduduk asal di sana yang sudah jauh lebih maju (perlu diingat pada waktu itu org Cina menguasai perniagaan, dan org India menguasai estet2 di Tanah Melayu). Jalan lain yang tinggal untuk org Cina dan India pada ketika itu adalah dengan menjadi warganegara di Tanah Melayu.

Namun begitu, untuk memberikan taraf kewarganegaraan, suatu perjanjian perlu dibuat untuk mengekalkan kestabilan dan keharmonian negara. (Perlu diingat, pemberian kewarganegaraan pada waktu ini melibatkan jumlah yang besar; bayangkan jika kita memberi kewarganegaraan secara serentak kepada semua pendatang asing di negara ini sekarang). Dengan pemberian kewarganegaraan, org Cina dan India perlu bersetuju dengan Raja-raja Melayu sebagai ketua negara, agama Islam sebagai agama rasmi, Bahasa Melayu sebagai bahasa rasmi, dan juga hak2 keistimewaan orang Melayu. Jika kita lihat kepada tiga perkara yg awal (Raja2 Melayu, agama Islam, dan Bahasa Melayu), perkara2 itu bukanlah sesuatu yg baru yg dibuat sebagai pertukaran kepada kewarganegaraan yang diberi; perkara2 itu adalah perkara2 tunjang yg memang telah diamalkan di Tanah Melayu sejak berkurun2 lamanya. Ianya seperti ikrar kesetiaan kepada negara yg ingin dimasuki. Perkara yang baru hanyalah hak2 keistimewaan orang Melayu (dan kemudiannya termasuk Bumiputera), dan inilah perkara yang menjadi pertukaran dengan taraf kewarganegaraan yang diberi. Namun, kita perlu sedar bahawa dengan pertukaran ini, orang2 bukan Melayu juga mendapat hak mereka sebagai warganegara, dan di dalam perlembagaan ada menyatakan bahawa Raja2 Melayu perlu menjaga kedua2nya--hak2 orang2 Melayu dan bukan Melayu. After all, kita semua adalah rakyat Malaysia.

Bercakap berkenaan rakyat Malaysia, sebenarnya rakyat Malaysia terbahagi kepada tiga kategori: (1) Melayu, (2) Bumiputra, dan (3) warganegara. Melayu adalah seseorang yg beragama Islam, bertutur Bahasa Melayu dan mengamalkan adat istiadat Melayu. Mengamalkan adat istiadat Melayu dalam konteks ini bermaksud paling kurang salah seorang ibu atau bapanya merupakan seorang Melayu. Kiranya ia menggambarkan pertalian darah. Bumiputra pula merujuk kepada orang2 asli di semenanjung, dan ras2 asli di Sabah dan Sarawak. Suku kaum Melayu di Sabah dan Sarawak juga termasuk dalam kategori Bumiputra, dan bukan kategori Melayu. Ini adalah kerana Sabah dan Sarawak bergabung dengan Persekutuan Tanah Melayu untuk menjadi Malaysia selepas perlembagaan telah digubal. Namun begitu, mengikut perlembagaan, Bumiputra juga mempunyai hak2 yang sama seperti Melayu. Warganegara pula merujuk kepada taraf kewarganegaraan yang diberi, iaitu org bukan Melayu atau Bumiputra.

Di samping itu, kami juga didedahkan dengan kesan2 yg akan terjadi sekiranaya perlembagaan dipinda. Contohnya, pelupusan perkara 153 dalam perlembagaan (hak2 keistimewaan orang Melayu) akan menyebabkan hilangnya taraf kewarganegaraan bagi org bukan Melayu (perkara 153 ada juga menyebut tentang hak2 orang bukan Melayu). Begitu juga dengan kes Azlina Jailani (Lina Joy) yang meminta gugurnya perkataan Islam dari kad pengenalannya. Mengikut perlembagaan, org Melayu mestilah beragama Islam (tidak seperti org bukan Melayu, org Melayu di Malaysia tiada hak untuk menukar agama, walaupun pada realitinya ada yang murtad..itu adalah urusannya dengan Allah), dan ini menerangkan mengapa Azlina Jailani kalah dalam perbicaraannya. Sekiranya dia menang, kemenangannya boleh menyebabkan perkataan Melayu di dalam perlembagaan (ada 38 kesemuanya) menjadi void, termasuk Raja-raja Melayu, dan ini akan menyebabkan negara kita menjadi sebuah negara republik (yang pada pendapat saya, lebih tidak stabil, kerana lihat sahaja sekeliling kita. Politik sekarang yang agak terkawal dengan adanya raja-raja ini pon sudah ntah apa2, bayangkan sekiranya negara kita menjadi negara republik, semua nak berebut kuasa). Namun begitu, apa-apa pindaan yang ingin dibuat ke atas perlembagaan yang berkisar dengan orang Melayu akan memerlukan kelulusan Majlis Raja-raja. Ini merupakan satu benda tentang perlembagaan yang saya rasa membuatkan ia begitu unik dan kukuh.

Selain dari itu, konsep asas pentadbiran negara dan konsep 1Malaysia juga diberikan penerangan. Yang saya maksudkan dengan konsep asas pentadbiran negara ialah negara kita mengamalkan demokrasi berparlimen dan raja berpelembagaan. Sekiranya sesebuah negara mengamalkan konsep demokrasi sepenuhnya, ianya bermaksud kuasa mutlak di tangan rakyat, manakala konsep beraja sepenuhnya bermaksud kuasa mutlak di tangan raja. Tetapi negara kita berada di tengah2--both raja dan rakyat have a say in pentadbiran negara. Demokrasi berparlimen bermaksud, since penduduk negara kita mencecah lebih 27 juta ramainya, adalah mustahil untuk semua berkumpul dan memberi pendapat tentang pentadbiran. Lalu negara telah dibahagikan kepada 222 bahagian, dan setiap bahagian akan menghantar seorang wakil untuk mewakili mereka. Inilah yang dikatakan demokrasi berparlimen; rakyat menghantar wakil untuk menyalurkan pendapat mereka ke parlimen. Raja berpelembagaan pula bermaksud raja masih memerintah, namun kuasa mereka terikat dengan apa yang dinyatakan dalam berlembagaan.

Konsep 1Malaysia pula bukannya bermaksud semua rakyat mempunyai hak yang sama rata. Kita bukan negara komunis. Hak kita memang berlainan berdasarkan keperluan. Keyword untuk konsep 1Malaysia adalah 'penerimaan'. Ianya bermakna, kita sebagai rakyat Malaysia menerima bahawa kita semua berbeza, namun kita semua adalah rakyat Malaysia.

Basically, itulah perkara2 penting/asas yg dibincangkan di BTN. Bagi saya, ianya tidak perkauman kerana setiap kenyataan dilampirkan dengan fakta (Fasilitator saya akan menyuruh kami merujuk buku perlembagaan on the spot, lengkap dengan nombor perkara, bagi setiap jawapan untuk persoalan yg kami ajukan. Kagum). Mungkin jika kita membuka minda kita untuk mendengar setiap penerangan tentang negara kita, kita akan sedar bahawa negara kita Malaysia merupakan sebuah negara yang unik, yang terbina atas persefahaman antara kaum.

Saya cinta Malaysia.

p/s: sekiranya ada persoalan tentang apa yg saya tulis, sy akan cuba menerangkannya dengan lebih terperinci berdasarkan apa yang saya pelajari, namun saya bukanlah pakar perundangan. Jika soalan terlalu mendalam, mungkin kita perlu rujuk kepada yang pakar.

p/s: owh btw, tambahan. 'Ketuanan Melayu' merujuk kepada Raja-raja Melayu, dan bukannya merujuk kepada org Melayu sebagai tuan tanah ini atau sebegainya. Orang Melayu dan bukan Melayu semuanya sama sahaja..semua pun rakyat Malaysia.

The Two Aries

2009-12-15T08:30:00.000-08:00

Aries is the first sign of zodiac.

According to the horoscope, people born under this sign is a natural leader. But I think that is not applicable to me. To my fiance...maybe. He was a prefect and the head boy and stuffs.

Anyway, that's not the point. I am not going to talk about zodiac and horoscope and anything along that line here..what I am trying to say is, I have a new blog. The blog was created a few minutes ago, so don't expect a well organized, beautiful, readable blog. The reason for the new blog is because I don't want to put too much personal stuffs in this blog, since this blog was initially created for me to post ideas, and anything that I think worth sharing (although I know I keep on breaking the rule lately. hehe).

*okay, writers' block due to sleepiness*

Anyway, do visit the blog if you want to know updates on my wedding preparation and anything down that line.

Good night!

Semester result

2009-12-13T18:14:00.000-08:00

I got 4.0 for my last semester's result.

My first time getting a 4.0 since high school.

(Heck, did I even once got a 4.0 in high school anyway?)

But why am I not happy and jumping?

Instead, I feel guilty.

Hate it. Urgh.

I am officially engaged!

2009-12-12T01:30:00.000-08:00

Today is December 12, 2009

It's my brother's 26th birthday

And my engagement day

I am officially engaged. Yeay!

Photos later, yeah? I am waiting for my friend (Ibik) to upload the pics.

Hehehehe

Anyway, let's look at some sneak peaks..

muka gembira dah tunang X)

top: cincin tunang, bottom: cincin risik

now the proposal ring has two new friends! (haha gedik gile)

The ultimate crap of all

2009-12-11T10:07:00.000-08:00

It's 2:15am and I am getting engaged in approximately 9 hours

I am very sleepy, yet my dad doesn't let me sleep because everyone else is sleeping and he's scared that no one will wake up on time

I am sleepy, and will be the only person with a pair of sleepy eyes on her engagement day

Lalalala~

Anyway, putting sleepiness aside, I have found my ring back! Yeay!

My dad found it yesterday on the ground when he was sweeping all the leaves and stuffs. So apparently I did not flush it down the toilet. hehehe

Hmm.. what else should I crap?

Hmm..I'm going to do my own makeup tomorrow. Hopefully it will turn out well. I am not good with colorful makeup as I always use natural color (brown) for my makeup, but o well. Same techniques, different colors, that's all.

Hmm.. Ibik will be my photographer for tomorrow. And kakyah will come as guest. Other than that, all my friends are not free to come. That's fine. It's supposed to be a small ceremony anyway.

Hmm..what else?

I am sleepy~ (=.=)~~~

Of scholarship and a woman

2009-12-09T20:04:00.000-08:00

I am getting engaged this Saturday. (yeay!)

However I can't really feel the vibes due to several problems relating to:
(1) scholarship
(2) a woman

Let's go to the first problem: scholarship.

The registrar told me a couple of weeks ago that they would hold a study leave meeting on the 9th of November. However, when I asked for the result today (10th November) they told me that the meeting was postponed to the 22nd November 2009. Then there will be another meeting within a week after that. The problem is, I have to send the acceptance declaration form together with a financial affidavit to ANU latest by the 23rd November 2009. I can't get the financial affidavit on time for sure. And so I sent an email asking to extend the dateline to ANU. Aaa~ hopefully they will consider..

Okay, second problem: a woman.

I am not against befriending the ex after a breakup. I mean, it's fine, as long as both parties know that they are done, and not crossing the limit. (Hey, I am a rational person, okay?) However, contacting your ex again to tell the problem that you have with your current partner is a big no-no.

I am a woman. As a woman, I know that when we tell our relationship problem to a friend, we are actually hoping the friend to understand our problem and console us. I also know that when a woman tells a male friend (especially her ex) about her relationship problem, she actually hoping the male friend to understand and become the 'replacement' for her partner. That's why it is very dangerous for a man to be the crying shoulder for a woman who has a relationship problem with her man. The man will most probably be the rebound.

I am a woman. As a woman, I know that they are at least two types of women on this Earth. One is the loyal women, and the other one is the attention-seeker women. The loyal women will stay by their men's side no matter what, and the attention-seeker women cannot stand being alone and always try to get men's attention, although they already have their own men. Unfortunately, the loyal women don't get that much attention from men due to their more reserved personality, while the attention-seeker women usually get the men's attention because of their usually pleasant (to most men, at least, or as other women call it, gedik) personality. Attention-seeker women usually can get away with almost anything, because they can just wink, and that is enough to melt the other party's heart. To relate to the previous paragraph, attention-seeker women usually tell their relationship problem to male friends, instead of their female friends, because of course, they want attention.

Another problem with the attention-seeker women is that they usually identify one man to be their sort of 'safety net'. The man is usually the loyal-type, who sticks to only one woman at a time, and may even stick to that one particular woman whom he really loves. The attention-seeker woman will usually make herself irresistible to the loyal man and become his one particular woman, so that whenever the attention-seeker woman does something wrong, the loyal man will not mind and forgive the attention-seeker woman anyway, even if the attention-seeker woman actually cheats on the loyal man.

However, after a while usually the loyal man will finally gives up on the attention-seeker woman, and finds a loyal woman as his soulmate. The attention-seeker woman will seek for another man's attention, and the loyal man and the loyal woman will live happily together. A happy ending, isn't it? No. The problem arise when the attention seeker woman face a problem with her current man, and she goes back to the loyal man to tell her problem, in hope that the loyal man will accept her back, or at least be her crying shoulder. After all, the attention-seeker woman sees the loyal man as her safety net, doesn't she?

However, the loyal man has already given up on the attention-seeker woman, and he has his loyal woman by his side. Being a loyal man, he will turn down the attention-seeker woman's hope and stick to his loyal woman instead. However, being the attention-seeker woman, she will most probably try her luck by keeping on contacting the loyal man, knowing that the loyal man may one day accept her back since he had once stuck to her, and with the so-called pleasant personality that she has, she knows that the loyal man can't possibly hate her.

And so the insecure feeling kicks the loyal woman, as she watches the attention-seeker woman trying to seek for the loyal man's attention. As much as the loyal woman trusts the loyal man to remain loyal, she still can't ignore the capability of the attention-seeker woman.

p/s: I think I could turn into a psycho-gf. Hahaha.

Post BTN

2009-12-08T10:18:00.000-08:00

I came back from BTN camp yesterday and I slept till noon today. Hohoho.

It was a good and enjoyable camp overall. There was no racism or political agenda being brought up. Of course both topics were brought up, but all were in the form of facts, so that doesn't count. Maybe those who refuse to accept the facts and refuse to think would say BTN is this and that. But of course, some facilitators/lecturers might have said things that sounded racist/political. However I can assure you the module was not. For me, every Malaysian should attend BTN, particularly the one that I just went (considering there are different modules for different target groups).

Anyway, I'll share with all of you what I learned from the camp. But not now..I'm just too sleepy and tired.

Good night everyone.

p/s: balik2 btn tros busy dengan preparation

Kursus Kenegaraan Biro Tatanegara

2009-11-23T16:53:00.000-08:00

I got a mail this morning telling me that I would have to go to Kursus Kenegaraan Biro Tatanegara. It will be on the 3rd-7th December 2009.

Thinking back, that is exactly the weekend before my engagement day. Which means I must have prepared everything before going for that camp to avoid going insane at the very last minute. Going for a camp the weekend before the engagement day also means that I will definitely be more tanned/darker on the engagement day.

Darker on the engagement day....

DARKER on THE engagement day...

.....

Should I buy a new foundation after the camp, before the engagement day?

p/s: How I wish my skin would have golden hint to it when it tans, instead of dark brown that makes me look like I was just out of the oven.

Slow day

2009-11-23T00:46:00.000-08:00

(This post is gonna be more a relax and less intense than those few recent posts..)

Hmm.. Today is quite a slow day. Came to work, ended up having to go to the restroom several times, chatted with mas, went out to have lunch at Alamanda, and without realizing it, it's already 2:30 pm.

So I started working on my study leave forms..

And I still cannot complete it because I don't have a couple of documents..

O well, worry about it later.

Anyway, I went out and bought myself a white braided belt yesterday. Finally I found one that was not too pricey. It was RM25 and it's not bad at all. The one that I had been eying on for a long time was RM40, so the belt that I bought yesterday was a good deal. Yeay yeay! :)

Hmm..I also bought myself a pair of platforms yesterday, after noticing that my 5-year old owh-so-loveable platforms were at the end of their lives. They were on 15% sale. Bought them for RM50.50. They were almost perfect. High-heeled yet comfortable. The only problem is, I'm not a fan of the color and design. They are too dull. I think I'm gonna get some gems to spice them up a little. Time to bring The Boyfriend to a little shopping! :)

p/s: Wonder why all the comfortable shoes are not sexy and pretty, and all the sexy and pretty shoes are uncomfortable. Even if some shoes are found to be sexy, pretty, and comfortable, they are usually not sturdy. I want a pair of comfortable, sexy, pretty and sturdy shoes, please.

Relieved (a little)

2009-11-18T19:31:00.000-08:00

I went to see the Deputy Vice Chancellor (Academic and International) this morning. I was late 10 minutes for our appointment (erk?!). Thank God she was cool with it. I felt bad though. Huhu

Anyway, she said to deal with the officer in charge (yes, the one who's on leave for a week). She said the money is with the university now; they only need approval with MOHE. That means I can ignore about the MOHE-won't-sponsor-oversea-master-studies part. And when I told her that I was worried about having to pay the deposit before the dateline and that the dateline is kinda near, she said there's enough time. That made me relieved a little bit. Alhamdulillah.

It sounds quite promising, isn't it? But still, I cannot sit back and do nothing, since everthing is not confirmed yet. So the plan is the same, still--loan from bank (pay them back right away if I end up not using the money), while at the same time apply for all scholarships available.

Bismillahitawakkaltu'alAllah. Amiiin..

p/s: I am going to fill in necessary forms after lunch. Heck, the forms will take a whole day to be filled. (O_o)~

Fight till the end

2009-11-17T19:50:00.000-08:00

Called MOHE this morning, asking about my letter. It went something like this:

(blablabla the same boring introduction)
MOHE: You sent the letter by yourself right? Not through your employer (UPM)?
Me: Yes, because the officer in charge is on leave for a week, and I am short of time.
MOHE: The problem is, you have to send the application through your employer, that's the only way for us to know that they have given you the permission to continue your studies abroad. And even so, we still have to see if there is a slot open for another scholar..
Me: Is there any other way? Since I am short of time now..
MOHE: No, you have to send it through your employer
Me: ......okay then. Thank you

This is my reaction after the phone call ---> ('___')

.....

Okay, I think I should think of plan B now.

Lets sort everything out.

Dateline for sending the Declaration of Acceptence to ANU: November 23, 2009 (I need to pay a fee deposit of A$5760.00 by then)

List of scholarships:
1) MOHE - no budget for oversea Masters study (although they sent a letter to the registrar, dated October 21, 2009 about the availability of a scholarship for tutors who are already offered a place in one of the top 20 universities). I can try applying anyway, although the whole process will definitely take at least a month and a half. By then, it's already past the dateline.
2) JPA - do not sponsor those who are working, having a CGPA less than 3.75, and applying for the scholarship more than 1 year after graduation. I am totally not eligible for it. But I can try applying for it anyway. Then again, the person said, the process would take around 2-3 months. It would be past the dateline, again.
3) MARA - application for Skim Pelajar Cemerlang will only be available at the end of the year/early next year. It will difinitely pass the dateline, still.
4) Endeavour Award (Australian Scholarship) - application will only open in December. And that's the second round of the application. The first round was last April. Percentage of getting: I don't know. But I'll try to apply for it anyway. Anyway, I think the whole process will take more than a month..so, it'll pass the dateline, still.
5) MOSTI - not for working people. I will need to resign if I want this scholarship. Still need to look deeper into this.
6) Shell, Sime Darby, and other private sectors - Haven't look into these, yet.

Hmm..it looks like all the scholarships will take more than a month to process. And I only have exactly 5 weeks from today to return the Declaration of Acceptance.

Hmm..I think I will gamble on this.

A$5,760.00 = RM18,027.21

I think I will make bank loan to pay for the deposit first. At the same time, I will apply to all scholarships available. Hopefully someone will sponsor me. Amiin.

Bismillahitawakkaltu'alAllah.

p/s: One main reason why I will fight till the end for this is because the day before I got the offer letter, I was thinking on registering for the GRE test the next day. And also, I did a serious solat hajat, wishing to continue my studies abroad and to get married soon. And of course, I also wished for a better, smooth life, and for a stronger iman. The moment I got the offer letter, it really felt like this is it. It was a very strong instinct. As if I know that this is the path for me. It felt like Allah had granted my wish. Now it's up to me to make it real.

Sponsors, scholarships and loans

2009-11-16T22:45:00.000-08:00

I've been actively looking around for scholarships since yesterday.

I went to the registrar today and the officer in charge was on leave for a WEEK. Her assistant said I need to have gone to Biro Tata Negara camp and submit the complete form, before they forward it to the Ministry of Higher Education. That will definitely take months.

So, I decided to go straight to the Ministry of Higher Education. They said;

MOHE: The problem is, we do not sponsor Master students for abroad studies..

Weird isn't it? Registrar said they will forward the form to MOHE...for nothing??

Anyway, I decided to go to Jabatan Perkhidmatan Awam right after. They said;

JPA: The problem is, it's been more than a year since you graduated, and you are curently working. We only sponsor those who continue their studies straight away, and are unemployed. (other than needing to have a 3.75 CGPA which clearly I don't have). You can try submit the application, nevertheless.

I've also looked up MOSTI and MARA. MOSTI will only sponsor those who are unemployed, and the application for MARA's Skim Pelajar Cemerlang loan will be too late since they will only be opened sometime in December/January. There is another loan from MARA, but I will need to pay 100% of the amount I owe....RM200k. Erk?!

Being the stubborn me, I wrote an appeal letter to send to MOHE. I sent it this morning by hand, and I told the receptionist, "It's urgent." I will call the person tomorrow hoping he has started working on my issue urgently.

I have also made an appointment with UPM's Deputy Vice Chancellor (Academic and International) to discuss about sponsorship. It will be at 8am, November 19, 2009. Two more days.

Other than that, I have looked through scholarships available at ANU. Most of them are for developing countries, but somehow Malaysia was not listed. I guess they have already considered Malaysia a developed countries. Anyway, I have found at least one or two that I could apply for. The application will only be available in December though. Hopefully it is not too late.

Ahh.. when finally there is an apportunity for me to feel like I have a purpose again, lots of hindrances appear. Well, it is expected. Afterall, what is life without a little fight.

And I know, this is definitely worth the fight.

p/s: like how I 'fight' for our relationship with his mother, although I failed miserably. It was my first meeting with her. But I didn't care. He is definitely worth the fight as well.

What should I do?

2009-11-12T19:19:00.000-08:00

I was surprised by an email this morning. It says:

Dear Ms Mohd Pushiri

I am delighted to offer you admission to a program of study at The Australian National University. Details are set out below:

Program: Master of Biotechnology (CRICOS Code: 052702F)
Program Type: Postgraduate
Commencing: First Semester, 2010
Indicative Tuition Cost: A$24,768.00 (per year)
Program Start Date: 22 February 2010
Standard Full-Time Duration: 1 Year

Okay, what should I do?

Currently in my mind, I have this picture:
-Call registrar and force them to give me a scholarship. They get sick of me forcing them, so they give me one, eventually (haha)
-Get everything needed to go study in Australia settled (passport, visa, etc)
-At the same time, get both families convinced to let us marry. They get tired of my continuous request, so they let us marry eventually. (haha)
-Get his necessary documents to follow me to Australia settled too
-Happily flying off to Australia with the beloved husband :)

Okay, back to reality.

The reality is: The dateline for scholarship application was on November 5, 2009. And today is November 13, 2009. I am already 8 days late. *jatuh tergolek2 masuk gaung*

What to do what to do what to do

Am I on the right job?

2009-11-08T20:12:00.000-08:00

I watched a program called "Outstanding Malaysians" on TV yesterday. It was on Chef Wan, who are now internationally known.

I learned from the program that Chef Wan was once working in the banking industry (as an accountant, I think) for seven years, before quitting his job and pursuing his passion in cooking. He sold his house, and traveled to California to learn culinary art. He graduated as the best student in his class, and since then he has been cooking all over the world.

Chef Wan's determination to pursue his passion really caught my attention. I admired his determination, hard work, and self-confidence. He gambled everything that he had at that time to pursue his dream. And this makes me think of my life right now.

Am I on the right career?

Living in Malaysia, where the society would most probably 'force' us to do Math and Science at the first sight they saw that we could do it, makes me basically did not have much choice other than studying science and become a scientist. As one of the top students in my primary school, I was offered to go to a boarding school, where everyone had to study pure science. Going into college, I chose biotechnology, as I loved genetics and I did not want to study pure genetics. I did not consider any other choices, as scholarships for other fields were scarce and I did not have any formal education on them.

However, during my college days, I found myself struggling to succeed. Biochemistry could not penetrate well into my brain. I could not make myself remember all the family names of the animals. I even got a C+ in the subject that I was so eager to learn--bacterial genetics. However, I got A's in all the Japanese classes I took. I even found myself very eager to master the language and to study the culture. Unfortunately, Japanese is not my major. And again, I found myself stuck in science.

Now, working as a Tutor, I know I am on the right track to become a scientist. After college, and when starting this job, I was so eager to study Environmental Biotechnology in depth. I was eager to do my own experiments, to learn new things, to know all these mysteries that mother nature had for us. Studying locally or abroad was not a big issue since I believed I could learn the same thing and get the same Master and PhD degree regardless of the place of study.

However, as I started my grad school studies here, I couldn't help but feel disappointed. Every class drained my energy. In no time, I realized that I had lost the eagerness and enthusiasm that I had before. My brain did not move as fast. My body did not move as fast. I have turned into a zombie. I work because I need to, not because I want to. I have lost the essences that make me, me. The goal that I have set seem too vague now. I am starting to look for other options. Other career choices.

But then again, I cannot find a thing that I am really passionate about. Maybe that's one of the things that makes it hard to be me. I am too cool and too indifferent about everything that I don't feel too excited about anything. I know I love playing music, learning new languages..both give me satisfaction, but none is my passion, I think. I do not google anything about music or languages. I can do both well, but I know I am not good when I start to study it deeper.

Recently I have started to think about starting my own business. But then, what do I sell? Cakes? Cookies? Dresses? Do I have the time? Can I really make money out of it? Do I have enough knowledge and experiences to start a new business? Owh, I remember, I got a C+ in Business Administration 6 years ago..the course that everyone else got an A. I think that explains everything.

I can't deny that I am in a very insecure and confusing state right now. Theoritically, I am in a job that I should be thankful for. However, in reality, I kinda feel like changing jobs, but obligations make me stay. I need some assurance. Something that can reminds me of my long lost enthusiasm and goal.

And so, I did a career test.

This is what I got:

My personality type is INTJ (Introvert, iNtuation, Thinking, Judging)

INTJ: "Scientist". Most self-confident and pragmatic of all the types. Decisions come very easily. These are the most independent of all types. They love logic and ideas and are drawn to scientific research. They can be rather single-minded, though.. 1% of the total population.

INTJ

INTJs’ precision thinking and need for accuracy causes them to be inflexible at times. Having thought out a strategy, the INTJ may stubbornly disregard those who they think have not spent as much time reflecting on an idea as they have. This, along with their drive to produce something significant, can make them demanding and difficult. If their plans and solutions fall short of their high standards, INTJ's feel pressured — as if everything is on the line. "Everything," for an INTJ, is the competence and ability to produce something significant. Fear of not living up to this expectation will increase their stress and possibly dissuade them from risking or trying out their ideas. They may then find themselves thinking about ideas that do not have a meaningful or productive end.

When stress increases, the INTJ can become argumentative and disagreeable. Social interaction, which is not their strength, becomes increasingly difficult for them. Not trusting their own abilities, they become preoccupied with obsessive notions. The INTJ may then find themselves spending an inordinate amount of time fighting horrible thoughts, tempting absurdities, and feelings of worthlessness. Fearful of others recognizing their perceived failure, the INTJ incessantly ruminates about mistakes, inadequacies, weaknesses, ineptness, and incompetence. Because this distracts them from risking what little confidence they may have left in themselves, it therefore keeps them from obtaining the success and achievement they so desperately need.

Careers

This lists represent careers and jobs people of your type tend to enjoy doing. The job requirements are similar to the personality tendencies of your personality type. It is important to remember that this is not a list of all the jobs possible. And it is very important to remember that people can, and frequently do, fill jobs that are dissimilar to their personality... this happens all the time...and sometimes works out quite well.

management consultant
economist
scientist
computer programmer
environmental planner
new business developer
curriculum designer
administrator
mathematician
psychologist
neurologist
biomedical researcher
strategic planner
civil engineer
intellectual properties attorney
designer
editor/art director
inventor
informational-graphics...designer
financial planner
judge

After reading about INTJ's personality, I think I really am in the state of the bold text above. The current program and classes do not reach the invisible standard that I have set, and so it makes me feel very dissapointed. However, it's good to know that I am actually on the right job. The only thing that is left to do is to make things in order again. Finding that eagerness. That enthusiasm. That energy. Finding me.

And thus, I am seriously thinking about continuing my studies abroad.

I know this decision will create conflicts with my personal life plan, but I believe if we do something sincerely, Allah will help us go through everything smoothly. InsyaAllah.

In memories..

2009-11-02T00:13:00.001-08:00

October 30, 2008 - November 1, 2009

I accidentally flushed it down the toilet, I think. I did not notice it was not on my finger, until I was performing ablution. Although there is a high possibility that I really did flush it down the toilet, I am still hoping I will find it again someday.

It was the first ring from him.
The first diamond from him.
The ring he used to propose to me at the restaurant.

And I lost it.

:'(

I am angry

2009-10-30T11:17:00.001-07:00

Found this article on utusan online, and I TOTALLY DISAGREE on what they are saying. I mean, if the system works beautifully, we wouldn't be seeing people click with their own kind all the time. Just look at school canteens, malls, buses, everywhere..people tend to stick to their own race, speak their own language. Why? Because we grew up that way! We never got the opportunity to fully understand each other when we were young, at the age where we try to comprehend everything, learn everything, know everything. When we got bigger, we had already been 'told' that this race this and that race that, and and they have stuck almost permanently in our heads. We tend to develop stereotypes towards other races due to our weak understanding towards others.

I mean, really, just look at other multiracial countries like the US. Everyone comes in from different background. They learn how to speak, read, and write in English. They go to American school. They introduce themselves as Americans, although at the same time, they are proud of their roots. The same goes to other multiracial countries like Indonesia. Why aren't these people fighting for their own schools?

It's weird, isn't it? Everytime someone suggests on having a one school system, there'll be lots of people against it. Why? What do they want, actually? Don't they want our country to unite? Don't they love their own country? I mean, as Malaysians, we should not be scared when we are asked to learn in Bahasa Malaysia or to mix with other Malaysians. Plus, I seriously believe that they will still teach Mandarin and Tamil in the school, so they should not be scared that the languages will finally extict, because they won't. Why are they so against it? Do they really want to be Malaysians, or do they want to be citizens of other countries? And plus, if they really serious about merging and unifying everyone together, they should have realized that the main reason that divide us is our school system. I mean, hello~ everyone else knows this~ duhh~

1Malaysia won't work if they stick to this attitude. 1Malaysia requires sacrifice from everyone, especially the leaders.

But instead, our leaders said these:

"Bagi sekolah Tamil, pelajar (India) akan berpeluang bergaul dengan kanak-kanak daripada kaum lain apabila mereka memasuki sekolah menengah,” -Datuk Seri S. Samy Vellu

My @$$. Try going to those secondary schools and see how many students actually mix with other races.

"Ia bukan penghalang kepada perpaduan nasional, sebaliknya bantu menerapkan semangat bersatu padu di kalangan masyarakat majmuk,” -Datuk Dr. Wee Ka Siong

And you are calling yourself the Deputy Minister of Education? Bullsh*t. Tell me how it has helped in uniting us together.

Stupid. Frustrating. VERY frustrating. Deym.

I am angry.

p/s: Remember having chinese, indian, singh, and aboriginal in my class when I was in standard 1-3 and it was beautiful.

MIC dan MCA tidak setuju sekolah satu aliran
30/10/2009 7:52pm

KUALA LUMPUR 30 Okt. — MIC dan MCA menentang cadangan melaksanakan sistem pendidikan satu aliran, dengan mengatakan bahawa sekolah jenis kebangsaan yang ada sekarang tidak akan menghalang usaha ke arah mewujudkan perpaduan nasional.

Presiden MIC, Datuk Seri S. Samy Vellu hari ini berkata, sekiranya cadangan itu dikemukakan dalam usaha menjalin perpaduan kaum, ada banyak cara lain lagi untuk melakukannya dan bukan melalui sistem pendidikan satu aliran.

"Bagi sekolah Tamil, pelajar (India) akan berpeluang bergaul dengan kanak-kanak daripada kaum lain apabila mereka memasuki sekolah menengah,” katanya kepada pemberita sebelum menyerahkan cek bernilai RM1 juta kepada lebih 50 kuil Hindu di sini.

Sementara itu, Ketua Pemuda MCA, Datuk Dr. Wee Ka Siong berpendapat sistem persekolahan pelbagai aliran patut diteruskan kerana ia tidak akan menjejaskan perpaduan di kalangan masyarakat majmuk negara ini.

"Ia bukan penghalang kepada perpaduan nasional, sebaliknya bantu menerapkan semangat bersatu padu di kalangan masyarakat majmuk,” kata Wee kepada pemberita selepas mesyuarat Jawatankuasa Pemuda MCA di Wisma MCA hari ini.

Dr. Wee yang juga Timbalan Menteri Pelajaran berkata, walaupun bahasa pengantar di sekolah pelbagai aliran bukannya bahasa kebangsaan namun ia tidak menggugat pelajar untuk menghayati konsep 1Malaysia.

- BERNAMA

When there are too many unusual cases, it's fake

2009-10-21T19:59:00.000-07:00

There are at least three cases of standing praying mat in the news these past few days.

The pattern is the same--one praying mat 'leads' in front of the others, like an imam, and the others look like the 'followers' at the back, like the makmum.

The three cases happened one after another, in different states. After the first case was out in the news.

I mean, come on. They are fake, okay. Even if they might be real, I would say only the first one might have been real, but the others? Nahh~

The pictures show that the praying mats are so-called 'standing'. But to me, they aren't. Instead, they are in a position that is not even close to standing. It's like the center of the praying mats were pulled up and whoever did it adjusted the mats so that they hold the shape and let the praying mats stayed that way.

Come on..the praying mats are made of some kind of hard fabric, not the soft, flowing ones..They can hold their shapes better than the other fabrics. We can make them look like 'standing' if we want to. Can't these people see??

I bet those pranksters were busy laughing right now.

Reminiscing

2009-10-20T00:16:00.001-07:00

I don't know what makes me think about the reason why I started blogging, but anyway, before this blog, I had (and still have, although inactive) a Multiply account. Before that I used Friendster's blog application. And even before that, I used to type about my earliest experience in the States at the Bulletin Board on Friendster (well, Friendster was the 'old-facebook', right?).

So anyway, when I opened my Multiply account, I managed to import all my entries from the Friendster blog, and now that I am using Blogger, I just link my Multiply on this blog.

However, I have never retrieved my post on Friendster's Bulletin Board.

So, I tried to retrieve them just now, and much to my surprise, the Bulletin Board was not there anymore. But thanks to those who actually read what I wrote and replied, I managed to get one my entries in my inbox. Heheh. I think I want to post them here, just for fun.

So, introducing *drum roll* the younger FizaPushie~!!

Hahaha poyo. Nothing interesting anyway.

O well, here goes..

Journal 14sept 2004

Ari ni start international student orientation. Kitorang breakfast pancake, waffle, scamble eggs..huhu~mas, udin, n izzah konon nak rase bagel, skali makan2, keras..haha!naseb baik

aku tak amek :-P

Orientation bosan gile kene dgr talk pasal staying legal..huhu~ade org germany kat sebelah aku

ckp kat aku diye bosan gile..haha~after that gi lunch..sedey gile..first time la aku makan salad

yg sangat hijau as aku punye lunch.memule nak amek salad yg nampak lebih sedap n colorful, tapi skali tgk ade letak wine..aku pasrah gile..last2 makan la gak salad yg tak sedap tu

After lunch kitorang jln2 tour campus..lawa rupenye ucd ni..n sangat besar..penat gile jalan..kat sini ade park yg ade tasik yg sangat lawa. Yg bestnye tu, tasik ni penuh ngan ITIK! Haha! Udin mesti gumbira jumpe kawan2 diye kat sini..kahkahkah!

After dat kitorang leh pilih aktiviti yg kitorang nak..kitorang pilih gi tour downtown davis, tapi last2 kitorang tak gi pon except udin..haha~kesian diye kene jalan jauh..kitorang tido kat room :P

The next activity is PARTY..7pm..huhu~sah la kitorang tak gi..cuak seh..esok ade orientation lagi..malas siot..aku nak tido~

p/s:owh, ari ni baru kitorang dapat register for internet connection..so bermulalah kehidupan

aku ngan internet kat sini..keskes:P n as for the weather, sini sangat lah windy n panas..takde awan langsung! Diye macam sejuk n panas at the same time..diye punye sunlight panas mcm kat Malaysia..tapi angin diye sejuk cam aircond..bak kate kumitaa, tak tau nak pakai sweater ke tak, n tak tau nak pakai sunglasses ke tak, n tak tau nak pakai cap ke tak..huhu!confuse~8-} tapi yg pastinye sangat kering la..sakit hidung aku~

A bling bling update

2009-10-19T01:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was wakened up by my dad at 4am. My parents were busy making roti jala out of 7kg flour and chicken curry out of 6 chickens. My dad did not get any sleep that night since he was busy cleaning and rearranging the house, so I was kinda needed to help them here and there. However, being sleepy and moody due to imbalanced hormones and a hurting arm, I only helped them till 6am--after performing my subuh prayer. Then I went back to sleep.

I woke up at ~8:45am and started helping in the kitchen--cleaning, marinating and frying some chicken, making some jelly, etc. My parents were out sending the roti jala and chicken curry to Hulu Langat. My sister was busy cleaning the hall. At about 12pm, my parents came back and they started to help us cooking and cleaning. Then my uncle and aunt came. Then my brother and sister-in-law. It was 1:20pm and I still haven't taken my shower nor brushed my teeth. What's worst than having a moody, emo, hungry and hasn't-yet-showered woman in the house. Hahaha. But of course, I took my shower and brushed my teeth after that.

It was 2:30pm, and they hadn't arrived yet.

3:00pm, still not arriving.

3:20pm, finally arrived.

My bf's family and a neighbor came into the house. They rushed to kiss and hug my adorable baby niece. Then the talk started. My aunt was the one who was doing all the talking since they basically speak the same language (cakap nogori). I was in the room playing Spongebob Collapse (people say the girl should not involve in the conversation, so I hid myself. haha), until I was called to serve some drinks to them. But instead, I made the drink and my sister-in-law served it. hahaha. So I missed the whole conversation. Anyway, after that they had a late-lunch and a long chat with my mom. They left at about 6:00pm.

At about 7:40, my bf and I went out to Jusco Setiawangsa. Bought myself a hair dryer and a pair of cooking chopsticks and my mom a new knife and cutting board (to thank her basically although I did not say it haha). My bf got a new haircut. Then we went to eat takoyaki while watching children playing at a water fountain outside the mall. It was then that I asked him about the conversation.

So I learned that the conclusion of the talk was:
Engagement day will be on December 12, 2009 (although the suggestion for this date was almost rejected)
Hantaran will be decided by both of us, which will be discussed.

All in all, yesterday was a relief for now we know the path of our relationship, compared to the more insecure position before. And I know that he will be my fiance in less than 2 months. haha.

One step is done, another two to go.

Hopefully everything will go on smoothly. Amiiin~

(usually people will say fingers crossed here, but I want to say sapu-tapak-tangan-dekat-muka, boleh?)

p/s: While wathing him having his hair cut, suddenly I felt some kind of excitement rushing down my veins. For the first time ever, I am curious and excited about the future.

p/p/s: Owh, of course, I have a new ring now. A total of two rings on my fingers. Photo later.

p/p/p/s: The reason why I always say I will post the photos later is because I don't have a functional card reader. The card reader that I have has never worked properly since the first day I got it in the mail. And it's too bothering to return it. So like, wutever.

p/p/p/p/s: (this is the last one, I swear) On a totally different topic, I was trying to buy RM50 worth of merchandise in a single receipt from Jusco so that I would be eligible to enter a contest. The total price of the knife, chopping board, and chopsticks was supposed to be ~RM52 (the hair dryer was in a different floor, so I could not pay them together). Much to my surprise, at the cashier, all of them cost ~RM46, not RM52. So apparently they have some kind of extra discounts for JCard members. Since it was less than RM50, I was not eligible to enter the contest. Deym.

random express updates

2009-10-15T07:27:00.000-07:00

After asking some of my doctors and soon-to-be-doctors friends, and also after doing some research online, I am pretty convinced that I had chikungunya fever a month or so ago. I had all the major symptoms and my joints still hurt even after a month. Now because of that joint pain, I walk like what the heck.

I think I twisted my right shoulder in my sleep. Now my right arm hurts badly.

This Sunday my boyfriend and his family is coming to my house to see my parents and discuss about our engagement. Hehehe finally. Owh and next week I will be wearing another ring. Hehe *gedik*

Our ancestors said that if a butterfly is found flying inside a house, it means that someone is coming to ask for someone in the house to be his wife. Yesterday a butterfly flew happily around me, in my room, and today when I opened the office's door from inside, I saw a butterfly was resting at the door, before flying off when it saw me. Two butterfly in two days. What a coincidence.

Adding to the butterfly story, today I stepped on a (part of) caterpillar. I was sitting on my chair, shutting off the pc and stuff. Then I decided to go back, so I stood up. Suddenly I heard something being squished--like a pop sound or something. I looked down on the floor, and I saw a small pool of liquid. I was like, "What the hell is that?" I looked around the liquid, then I saw something that looked like a geico poop, but it wasn't squished. I looked around a little more..and at that time I saw a half caterpillar. I was traumatized, and my heel was green because the caterpillar was green. Euw euw euw.

I swept the office this morning a little bit more properly than a couple of days ago. But there you go, a geico poop in the evening. I swear I did not see a single geico in the office today.

Although I love the location of my office, I hate the fact that there are all sorts of animals and insects there. Normal ones: geico, cricket. Some unusual ones: squirrel, snake, and caterpillar. Maybe that's how an office at the Faculty of Environmental Studies looks like.

Owh, have I told you that the crickets love to die in the office? No, I am not kidding. It's like a trend.

Hmm..I am rubbing my eyes now. Later people, I need my beauty sleep.

Good night.

Edited 2:19pm October 16, 2009
Credit to k.z
Title: Stepping the caterpillar

1st anniversary

2009-10-08T21:25:00.000-07:00

We have turned one year yesterday.

October 8th, 2009, 12:32pm.

We celebrated by having a good dinner at Tony Roma's in C@The Curve.

He ordered a grilled half-chicken with mashed potato and bean, and I ordered a ceasar salad with half salmon. He had iced lemon tea, and I had lime juice. And of course we did not finish the chicken. It was huge and we were stuffed to the max. There were no space for dessert. However, it was truly a great dinner date. I think we even got a discount. Heheh.

Baby,

Happy 1st anniversary, sayang. Thank you for loving me, staying with me despite my sometimes-tak-senonoh perangai and also my bully towards you (suro bukakkan pintu, angkatkan barang..hehe. But you are a natural). I hope to celebrate more anniversaries with you, till both of us turn wrinkly and grey and buncit. Till both of us having to need a wheel-chair to move. Till both of us having to need our grandchildren to feed us our anniversary dinner.

Yes, I love you that much.

Happy anniversary my baby boo(cuk) :P

Love you lots lots lots;
Fizapushie

p/s: Thank you for the famous amos cookies and the lovely card.

Complaints

2009-10-04T19:27:00.000-07:00

I used to complaint on anything that I found not-up-to-standard in my younger years, until I learned that Islam kinda forbids its followers from complaining a lot. Lots of complaining will make us whiny. Since Islam is a way of life, and being whiny is not the way to live, so that makes sense.

Since then, one of my principle is, "Stop complaining, start working." And it actually worked; I stopped complaining, and I worked a lot.

However, I feel like I cannot live up to that principle anymore. Once I decided to stop complaining, I'd find something that would make me complaint.

Like today, just as I decided to stop complaining about how the program here does not teach the students how to write, I found another thing that makes me start to complaint again.

This morning, I got a courses catalog for next semester. It did not say if it's for undergraduate or graduate only, so I assumed it's a general catalog. Then I flipped straight to the Faculty of Biotechnology and Biomolecular Scieces. Seconds later, I learned that it only listed down all the undergraduate courses.

Deym. Deym. Deym.

Very unorganized.

Tolong la bagi guideline/guidebook ke ape so that students boleh organize diri sendiri. Susah nak plan okay. Ni rase nak lari ni. Naseb la I need the job. Haish.

See, I have started complaining again.

Aries

2009-10-02T09:19:00.001-07:00

It's one of those times when I feel like doing/reading some useless stuff just to relax. And one of my top lists of easy reading is horoscope. Of course, as a Muslim, I do not believe in it. I read it just for fun.

Anyway, I saw one of my friends used this one application on facebook, called "Love Zodiac Profile." I was sleepy and tired, so like, what the hell, I clicked on it. Then I clicked on Aries. This is what I got.

Statements in large font are the things that I think are true, small font are the things that I think are inaccurate, and medium font are the things that I don't know its accuracy. The smaller the font is, the more inaccurate I think the statement is and vice versa.

Owh, statements in italic mean "wth??"

So here goes...

If you are Aries:
You are very romantic. You do not hold back your feelings and are very expressive in love and romance. You are very charming and amiable. In any social gathering, the opposite sex is attracted towards you. The opposite sex likes you because of your good looks and sociable nature. Since you attract so much attention from the opposite sex, your steady partner may feel jealous and possessive about you. But you are faithful to your partner. You are a very spontaneous lover. Your partner loves your little ideas of love and romance. You are a dynamic lover and wear the pants in your relationships.

Your kissing style:
You are a fantastic kisser. Your kisses are unforgettable.

To attract you, the opposite sex must be:
passionate, very active, not very sensitive, effervescent, etc.

You are more compatible with - Sagittarius, Leo, Aquarius
You are less compatible with - Cancer, Gemini, Pisces, Virgo

Sekian my crap for today. Till my next hopefully-more-useful entry.

The problem with Muslims in Malaysia

2009-10-01T23:56:00.000-07:00

I have just read an entry by Tun Mahathir in his blog, which then led me to ex-mufti Perlis's blog. Both entries discuss the problem with Muslims (particularly in Malaysia), where we tend to follow whatever that is said by the scholars of Islam, without actually knowing the truth behind what is said.

This is actually a very common attitude of Muslims in Malaysia. We tend to follow without asking. Whoever dares to ask or question anything that is said by anyone who is considered as 'wise,' is usually considered as arrogant.

As Malaysia is getting modernized, the people should become more educated. Not to say we should be more liberal, but we should be smarter.

This mengikut membabi buta attitude should stop.

p/s: As I was driving along Jalan Gombak, I saw a banner by PAS. Since wind was blowing the banner, I couldn't read the banner properly, but I saw that they were organizing a talk entitled "Bersatu somethingsomething BN." I was like, "Maybe they want to merge with BN. That's good, but I doubt it. This is all politic." Then the wind stopped and I could actually read the title properly, it said, "Bersatu tolak BN." Deym. I can't understand why the so-called Islamic party is spreading hatred among the people. Islam is all about peace and unity, not hatred. Funny.

everyday is a holiday?? whee~! :D

2009-09-29T09:43:00.000-07:00

I have just read Tun Mahathir's latest blog on religious/racial festivals in Malaysia.

Quoting:

" 6. Maybe we should have continuous festivals throughout the year. Then we would come together the whole year long to celebrate and get to know each other. Maybe then we would be able to create a bangsa Malaysia."

(Tun Mahathir, 2009)

I totally second that. Who wouldn't? Everyday is a holiday babeh! Wheee~~~! :D

Wake me up when september ends

2009-09-28T09:21:00.000-07:00

This video makes me cry everytime I see it.

Losing him is one of my biggest fear..even bigger than losing my job. (Hahaha pekerja hampeh sungguh)

LYRICS:

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends

like my fathers come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when September ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when September ends

summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends

ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when September ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends

like my fathers come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when September ends
wake me up when September ends
wake me up when September ends

Raya!

2009-09-25T11:31:00.000-07:00

Wow, I haven't been updating this blog for a while now. So, this entry will be an Eid-greetings-plus-some-updates entry. So...

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI & MAAF ZAHIR BATIN!

Anyway, like always, I didn't really look forward to Raya due to some personal issues. Usually I will welcome Ramadhan like everyone else..trying to get the best of it. But believing that I should not do something just because everyone else is doing it, I ended up not going to terawih again this year. Hahah! (I will try to go next year however, InsyaAllah) I wanted to go last year, but I knew if I did go, I would have done it because everyone else was doing it, so I did not. This year I had that feeling of sincerity, but I was not that ready yet. Plus, I did not have the time and opportunity to go actually, because I fell sick for almost 10 days..and it's not your average sickness.

I remember falling sick suddenly on Monday, Sept 7, 2009. About a couple of hours after iftar, I could feel my body temperature started increasing, my joints hurt and I noticed a few red dots on my skin. I went to see a doctor an hour later, checked my body temperature and it was 38.1 degree celcius. My blood test turned out normal, and the doctor gave me an MC for a day (after I asked for it..bleks). I ended up taking a 2-day leave because the fever increased the next day and I did not have the energy to go to work on Wednesday. On Thursday, although the red dots slowly went away, the joint pain was still there and the fever kept coming and going. Plus, lots of ulcers started to appear on my tongue, so my boyfriend brought me to the clinic he was working at. Again, my blood was checked and it turned out to be normal. The doctor gave me a 2-day MC for Thursday and Friday.

When I thought I was ready to go back to work on Monday, suddenly my face and hands turned red on Saturday. The red dots that I thought had gone away, came back, and this time it went from my face down to my feet. At the same time, the joint pain was still there, and I suffered a light fever. The ulcers on my tongue slowly went away after I dedicatedly gargled salt water everyday. Thinking the redness was measles, I did not go to see a doctor, and tried a home remedy by drinking a lot of young coconut juice. I went to see a doctor the next day however, trying to get an MC for Monday and Tuesday. But! to my surprise, *drum rolls* the doctor said it was not measles :O I was shocked. The two doctors who looked at my condition did not know what it was since my blood test turned out to be normal. They asked me to come back the next day for a blood test, again. I was put under an antibiotic treatment.

The next day (Monday), I came back to have my blood tested. It turned out to be okay (again). By then, the fever had completely gone away, although my joints were still hurting. The doctor said I did not have to worry about it, and he asked me to come back after two days if the fever reappeared. I asked for an MC from him since I did not go to work that day. He gave me a 1-day MC. (kedekut) O well, I did not go to work the next day since I wanted to be well-rested by the time I came back to work. Plus, I was still red, literally.

After a couple of days, the redness had completely gone away, although it left marks/scars on my skin. Although it was subtle, I could see freckle-like spots on my skin, especially on my nose and thighs. I instantly looked darker. Mas said I looked more tanned. The worst part is, I could not wear my foundation anymore.. However, thank God it has become very subtle and better now, although the scar is still there.

Anyway, due to that and having to take antibiotics, I had to skip fasting for 11 days :/ plus 10 days due to period...a total of 21 days! :O

That makes a total of only 8 days of fasting this year :/

But! I lost 3 kg..approximately. My weighing scale marked my weight at 51kg, making me at my lightest weight ever after 9 years. I lost 2 inches off my buttocks, and 1inch off my waist. Although I'm happy of my weight loss, I can't deny that I'm feeling a little bit worried because this is not normal for me. Based on experience, my body will only lose weight after exercising. Even dieting does not affect my body weight, normally. O well, I think I'll just wait and see. If my body keeps on losing weight, I'll get my body checked. Till then, I'll just enjoy this moment while it lasts. Heh.

Hmm..what else? I thought I had a lot to write before I started writing this entry..

Hah! On a totally different topic, I just realized that I currently have 9 kittens and 7 cats.. a total of 16 kitties! No wonder the cat food finishes up so fast..

And...I sewed my first dress last Wednesday! I wanted to do another design, but I miscalculated the length, so I changed it here and there to make it wearable. I ended up with a different design...more feminine and complicated. Hahah! I'm planning to perfecting my skills, and turning it into a business. Side income. Heheh.

Hmm..that's it I think. I cannot think of anything else to write anymore. Plus, I need to go to sleep. It's 3:37am and I should really be sleeping since I don't want to be insomniac again.

Till my next entry, take care everyone!

p/s: I got RM50 for duit raya this year. Korang dapat ke? :P

Perverts

2009-09-03T21:08:00.000-07:00

I found an interesting yet *euw* blog entry by an unknown blogger. It all started when Mas gave me a link to a sad story about the blogger's cat's death.

Anyway, being me, I like to click on archives on any blog that looks interesting to me. Then I found a catchy title (haha!), and I clicked on it. and..

OMG.

It was about the writer having to deal with a pervert taxi driver when she was 16. So the story was, she got into a taxi and told the taxi driver to send her home. Ended up, the driver did not stop at the location; instead, he kept on driving, while asking her all the perverted stuffs. He intended to bring her home, but she was clever enough to convince the driver to send her back, and she promised him that she would wait for him the next day at the same spot. She even got RM20 from the driver. Hahaha. Owh, did I mention that he flashed his 'thing' at her? Maybe not flashed, but more to showed..and worst, he almost made her 'suck' that thing (I don't want to type that word because I think it's too much for my innocent blog haha). Euw euw euw.

You can read about it here.

Then I made Mas read it. After that, while Mas and I were throwing up about it, she told me about a friend who were in a taxi with her boyfriend. The taxi dropped her first, before dropping her boyfriend. Right after dropping her, the taxi driver (who appeared religious physically) asked the boyfriend if she was the type of girls who are easy to be brought to bed with. WTF. Euw euw euw.

And another friend has this kind of experience as well. When she was getting into her car, suddenly a random guy got into the passanger's seat and flashed his 'thing'. Euw. But she was smart enough to chased the guy away. Fuuhh~

Hearing these stories makes me thankful that I have never been in such situation. Maybe the worst I've experienced was when we were in Hawaii. We (5 girls) were walking around the city at night--around 9-10pm--when I witnessed the incident. There were two guys--one buffed, one skinny--and a petite girl in front of us, talking. The guys were like trying to get something from the girl, but the girl refused. The girl was wearing a spagetti top, a denim jacket and a pair of pants. Suddenly the big guy pulled down the girl's top, revealing one of her breasts. I was speechless. After that incident, I could not see even the slightiest cleavage..it would make me feel like throwing up. Euw.

Aahhh~ why can't these people not be pervert in public?

Euw.

p/s: Btw, the girl's breast looked too perfect, it's fake. Haha (sempat lagi tu).

Bakal

2009-09-01T23:24:00.000-07:00

Peristiwa 1:
Ketika sedang sibuk di dapur membuat caramel, emak pula sedang sibuk membuat roti jala. Kedua-duanya dibuat untuk tempahan dan jualan.
Mak: Ooo..camtu buat kuih ni~ (sambil melihat aku dan adik membuat creme caramel)
Aku: A'ah~
Mak: Nanti Ajoy boleh jualkan roti jala tak?
Aku: Boleh je..cakap je la kat diye
Mak: "Roti jala ni bakal mak mertua yg buat~" (konon-konon mengajuk gaya Ajoy mempromosikan roti jala)
Aku: Hahaha~

Peristiwa 2:
Ketika sedang sibuk menyediakan juadah berbuka puasa.
Aku: Weh Hazirah, Abg Ajoy tanye nak pasang pelita tak kat rumah
Adik: NAK!!
Aku: Haa boleh la nanti pasang
Adik: Yeay yeay sukanye dengan bakal abang ipar aku ni. Kak Shila (kakak ipar) pon best gak. Dua-dua cam bersemangat!
Aku: Itulah..bagus la sbb family kite ni tak semangat raya langsung~

*Mesti ade org yg sedang tersenyum-senyum sampai ke telinga bila bace post ni hehehe*

Malaysia's 52th Merdeka

2009-08-30T09:30:00.000-07:00

It's 0032hr August 31, 2009.

It's been 52 years since Tunku Abdul Rahman shouted "Merdeka! Merdeka! Merdeka!" Since then, our country has been trying our best to be on the same level as other developed countries. We are yet to be recognized as one, but I think we are not that bad, although we are still developing. We are better than some countries that gained their independence earlier than us, don't you think?

Anyway, despite the celebration of our independence, it's sad to see that the difference between races is still apparent in our country. We are like speaking different languages although we are Malaysians. I partly blame this on the social order (? I believe there's another better suited word, but I cannot think of any right now) that the British set up when they brought the Chinese and Indian into Malaya, but I mainly blame this on our education system.

Yep, our education system. The education system that segregates us since our tender age of seven. The education system that basically teaches us about racism. The education system that doesn't unite us as one at all.

I read an article on this in the newspaper this morning, written by Dr. Mohd Ridhuan Tee Abdullah. He is a Muslim Chinese, who sends his kids to SRJK(C), the head of PIBG of a SMK, and a lecturer at an IPT, so he has a wide view on this issue.

I got this article here, but I think I'll just copy and paste it here for easy reading.

Do read the article and think, dimanakah jati diri kita sebagai anak Malaysia?

Selamat Menyambut Hari Kemerdekaan yang ke-52.

Merdekakan pendidikan perkauman

Pendidikan adalah merupakan salah satu elemen penting dalam pembentukan sebuah negara bangsa. Bentuk pendidikan yang lahir akan menentukan sama ada agenda nasional dapat dicapai atau tidak. Jika sistem pendidikan berbentuk perkauman, maka perkaumanlah penyudahnya.

Setakat ini, hanya Malaysia adalah satu-satunya negara di dunia ini yang mempunyai pendidikan pelbagai mengikut kaum atau vernakular. Inilah yang selalu dicanangkan oleh golongan tertentu sebagai salah satu kekuatan Malaysia. Ya, dari satu sudut ia memang satu kekuatan. Tetapi dari sudut yang lain, kita lihat bila ada ura-ura kerajaan untuk menyeragamkan sistem pendidikan berasaskan konsep 1Malaysia, tanpa menafikan hak-hak kaum lain mendapat pendidikan ibunda mereka, serta-merta golongan ini akan membuat laporan polis dan menuduh kerajaan yang bukan-bukan.

Saya amat menyanjungi sikap bumiputera Sabah dan Sarawak selaku pribumi, kerana mereka tidak menuntut sekolah berasaskan kaum. Jika tidak, saya tidak tahu ke manakah hala tuju pendidikan negara?

Ini tolak ansur yang mesti dihargai. Orang Melayu dan bumiputera tidak ada sekolah mereka sendiri. Yang ada ialah sekolah kebangsaan untuk semua. Sistem inilah yang dipraktikkan di seantero dunia. Jika adapun sistem pendidikan perkauman, ia telah lama dihapuskan. Semua bentuk pendidikan diseragamkan demi mencapai matlamat nasional. Contohnya, Thailand, Indonesia dan negara-negara maju yang lain.

Kita perlu berfikir jauh ke hadapan walaupun pahit untuk diterima. Setelah 52 tahun merdeka, sistem pendidikan kita masih belum merdeka dan terbelenggu. Setiap kaum masih leka dalam kepompong sistem pendidikan masing-masing. Orang Melayu masih percaya kepada sistem pendidikan kebangsaan untuk semua, tetapi tetap dengan sistem perkauman, India dengan cara India dan Cina dengan cara Cina. Kehidupan kita sebenarnya semakin jauh dan terasing.

Sebagai permulaan, biarlah saya mulakan dengan kajian yang telah saya lakukan terhadap sistem pendidikan Cina khususnya, selaku majoriti kedua terbesar. Secara umumnya, orang Cina terbahagi kepada dua kumpulan. Satu kumpulan dikenali sebagai Hua Ch'iao (orang Cina seberang laut) yang masih berwarga negara China. Satu lagi ialah Ma Hua, menganggap diri mereka sebagai Malayan Chinese, kebanyakan lahir di Tanah Melayu menganggap Tanah Melayu adalah negara mereka.

Wang Gungwu (1970), membahagikan orang Cina Malaysia kepada tiga kumpulan iaitu A, B dan C. Kumpulan A boleh dikategorikan dalam kumpulan minoriti berbanding dengan kumpulan lain. Mereka masih mengekalkan hubungan dengan politik di China, sama ada secara langsung atau tidak, serta masih mengambil berat akan masa depan negara China. Kumpulan ini tidak sedominan kumpulan B dan C.

Kumpulan B pula terdiri dari kalangan yang keras kepala. Majoriti bersikap realistik dan yang secara tidak langsung mengambil berat soal politik perniagaan dan pertubuhan komuniti. Kebanyakan mereka amat aktif dalam pertubuhan-pertubuhan bukan kerajaan (NGO).

Pengaruh mereka amat mendalam dalam komuniti masyarakat Cina, malahan kerap memberikan tekanan kepada kerajaan. Inilah kumpulan ultra kiasu yang selalu saya sebut. Kumpulan ini berada dalam pertubuhan pendidikan (NGO), politik dan persuratkhabaran.

Kumpulan C pula, mereka menunjukkan minat yang mendalam serta aktif dalam politik negara. Wang Gungwu yang meletakkan mereka dalam kategori orang yang tidak pasti tentang identiti mereka sendiri tetapi secara umumnya mempunyai ketaatan kepada negara.

Pendapat Gungwu turut dikongsi oleh Rita Sim dan F.K. Soong, daripada Institute of Strategic Analysis and Policy Research (INSAP). Menurut mereka, terdapat dua jenis kumpulan Cina daripada keseluruhan berjumlah 6.5 juta.

Kumpulan pertama, mewakili 85-90 peratus orang Cina, berlatar belakangkan perkauman Cina, berpegang kepada tiga rukun, menyertai pertubuhan-pertubuhan Cina, bersekolah Cina dan membaca/mendengar/menonton media Cina. Manakala, selebihnya mewakili kumpulan kedua 10-15 peratus, adalah English- speaking group atau kumpulan yang mendapat pendidikan Inggeris, yang tidak mendapat pendidikan Cina. Kebanyakan mereka ada yang beragama Kristian, Cina Peranakan dan menyertai kelab Lions dan Rotary.

Pengkategorian ini sudah cukup untuk membuktikan kajian Yew Yeok Kim (1973, 1982) dan Leo Suryadinata (1989) mengenai sikap mereka yang mendapat pendidikan Cina dan bukan aliran Cina. Pelajar Cina yang mendapat pendidikan Inggeris (termasuk pendidikan kebangsaan) kurang identiti kecinaannya, lebih mudah bergaul dengan kaum lain dan memudahkan proses integrasi nasional. Manakala, mereka yang mendapat pendidikan sekolah Cina adalah bersikap sebaliknya.

Semua bukti ini jelas menunjukkan kedudukan dan polarisasi masyarakat di negara kita akibat sistem pendidikan yang wujud sekian lama. Sistem ini yang telah mewarnai kehidupan kita hari ini. Akibatnya, lahirlah golongan yang meletakkan kepentingan kaum di hadapan berbanding kepentingan nasional. Bahasa kaum sendiri lebih didaulatkan berbanding bahasa kebangsaan.

Kita ambil contoh kedudukan bahasa Melayu di sekolah jenis kebangsaan. Bahasa Melayu hanya diajar tiga kali seminggu berbanding dengan bahasa Cina yang diajar setiap hari. Ini tidak termasuk matapelajaran lain seperti Matematik, Sains, Kemahiran Hidup, Pendidikan Moral, Sivik dan Kajian Tempatan yang turut diajar dalam bahasa yang sama. Saya ingin mencadangkan Kementerian Pelajaran menambahkan waktu pembelajaran matapelajaran bahasa Melayu, sekurang-kurang sama waktunya dengan mata pelajaran bahasa Cina. Jika tidak, kedudukan bahasa Melayu sebagai bahasa kebangsaan tidak ada ertinya.

Saya berkongsi pandangan ini kerana saya mempunyai pengalaman yang agak luas berinteraksi dengan sekolah Cina. Boleh dikatakan kesemua anak saya mendapat pendidikan rendah di sekolah Cina. Secara kebetulan, saya juga adalah Yang Dipertua, Persatuan Ibubapa dan guru (PIBG), di salah sebuah sekolah menengah yang majoriti pelajar-pelajar Cina yang datang dari sekolah rendah Cina (SJKC). Keadaan ini menjadikan saya lebih faham mengenai masalah bangsa saya sendiri, terutama dalam soal penguasaan bahasa Melayu dan pendidikan ibunda.

Melalui pengalaman dan pemerhatian, secara umumnya, tahap penguasaan bahasa Melayu di kalangan pelajar-pelajar Cina adalah rendah. Dengan sebab itu, kelas peralihan terpaksa diwujudkan apabila mereka melanjutkan pelajaran ke peringkat menengah. Bagi mereka yang berada di kelas bukan peralihan pun, itu bukan bermakna penguasaan bahasa Melayunya baik. Bahasa Melayu lebih sekadar hafalan untuk menghadapi peperiksaan berbanding bagi tujuan interaksi dan pemahaman sebagai bahasa kebangsaan. Inilah dilema sistem pendidikan kebangsaan hari ini.

Kadangkala saya amat hairan kenapa setiap kali kerajaan cuba untuk menyeragamkan sistem pendidikan tanpa menafikan hak setiap kaum terhadap pendidikan mereka, mendapat tentangan yang begitu hebat. Mereka mempunyai prasangka bahawa ia adalah agenda kerajaan untuk menghapuskan sekolah Cina secara terancang. Inilah bentuk pemikiran yang telah bertapak setelah 52 tahun kita merdeka.

Kini, kedudukan pendidikan Cina tidak pernah tergugat, malah semakin kuat, termasuk kedudukan kewangannya. Di SJKC tempat anak saya belajar, penyata kewangan berakhir setiap tahun melebihi RM1 juta. Ini menunjukkan bahawa sokongan yang ditunjukkan oleh orang Cina terhadap pendidikan mereka semakin padu dan jitu. Manakala pendidikan kebangsaan semakin tergugat dan terhakis. Walaupun pelbagai usaha cuba dilakukan oleh kerajaan untuk mengadakan sistem satu sekolah dengan tidak mengenepikan hak kaum lain untuk mempelajari bahasa ibunda, namun ia tetap ditolak.

Pada hemat saya, jika inilah bentuk pendidikan yang lahir, kita masih belum merdeka dalam erti kata yang sebenar. Pemikiran kita masih dibelenggu dengan pemikiran perkauman. Selamat Menyambut Hari Kemerdekaan ke-52.

Dr. Mohd Ridhuan Tee Abdullah ialah Pensyarah Kanan, Universiti

Pertahanan Nasional Malaysia

Kartika's caning

2009-08-27T22:48:00.000-07:00

I would say Kartika's issue is one of the country's current hottest issues, and it has caught the attention of a lot of international media as well. Some say it is unreasonable for someone to be caned for drinking, while others support the court's decision. Personally, I think we should just keep quite about this thing as we should respect the court's decision. In addition to that, Kartina wants it anyway. Although we may question the motive behind her making a press conference and all on this, o well, just cane her already.

Here I want to share a blog entry about the punishment for drinking for the muslim. It's a long entry, but read it anyway; it's worth the time.

p/s: Really, Islam is simple, yet it is broad. So broad that I think I only know about 1% of it, although I am a muslim myself. Shame.

Ne...???

2009-08-27T00:52:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine, Jeny, introduced me to this video. I thought it was interesting, so I want to share it with you guys. I personally think they should send the video to tv3 or something; it would make a great tv commercial for Merdeka. Anyway, watch it, enjoy it. Owh, don't forget to stand up straight when watching it. Selamat Menyambut Hari Kemerdekaan ke-52. I love you, Malaysia.

Motivations

2009-08-25T19:43:00.000-07:00

On my graduation day, I had this dream of becoming an honorable scientist who would do good for the environment.

When I think back, my motivation at that time was none other than wanting to learn more, to know more, and to contribute more. Money was not my first nor second priority. My first priority was to learn more about environmental biotechnology, and second was to prepare myself to become an excellent academician; so that I could educate the young generation of Malaysia, so that the future Malaysia would be a better place. And the third was the money; so that I could live a comfortable life without having to think too much about money, so that I could help my parents and also provide my future kids with a comfortable life.

It was a noble way of thinking, don't you think?

However, with the current situation, I cannot hang on if I was to hold on to only my previous motivation. The current situation has forced me to find a new motivation to keep me from falling off this program. Hence I was looking for a purpose to stay.

And I think I have found it.

Here are my new motivations:
1. To wear that graduation robe, to get that diploma, and to get flowers. Lots of them.
2. To get a promotion and a higher salary. Money, money, money.
3. To not lose the job, as jobs are scarce

They are superficial and not noble at all--I know--but I need it anyway as without them, I think I could write and send my resignation letter right away. It is sad to think how the situation has changed my motivation that way. People might say that it's my fault for not trying to adapt, but trust me, I have tried, but I failed. The situation is just too disappointing to be accepted. And I know that I am not the only one to feel this way.

Putting my other half aside, I think am not happy with my current life.

a cute killer

2009-08-17T20:31:00.000-07:00

I love cats. I know some of us don't, but I am pretty sure most of us do. I can't remember the first time I held a cat, since cats have been in our house for as long as I can remember. I even have a picture of me with a cat when the cat and I were almost the same size. Hahaha.

Anyway, as I remember, my cats rarely kill, although they do sometimes. I remember when I was small, there was a time when my kittens always got eaten by one of the adult cats. Until now I am not sure who ate them, was it the mom, or the alpha male. Then there was another cat who caught small chicken occasionally to eat them. Other common animals that they sometimes kill are geckos and cockroaches. However, all the animals that they kill are usually small..hardly reach the size of a small squirrel..

But this morning..

*jengjengjeng* *drum rolls*

there was a dead chicken at our door step..and the chicken was quite big.

(picture will be uploaded later)

p/s: I will get my cat a collar with a bell if she ever kills again. huhu

Updates

2009-08-12T00:39:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to write in this blog..but somehow I did not find a time to write. O well~

Anyway, here are some update on what has been going on for the past couple of weeks..

Bye-bye Tokmak!

Last week's Tuesday (August 4, 2009) was the day for my family to grieve. My grandmom passed away at 6:40pm due to pneumonia with cold aglution (?) disease. It was a very sad event for all of us. Tokmak had always been a very good mother and grandmother. She was soft spoken, and rarely..or more to never, nags. She did all the housework patiently. I had never heard her complaining about having to do all the housework alone. She was a good person.

The next day, everyone came for her funeral. All of us had the chance to kiss her goodbye for the last time. I saw her face for the first time after she breathed her last breath. I couldn't help from feeling sad, and tears started to gather in my eyes. I kissed her forehead. She was cold, and hard, like a ceramic. After kissing her, I walked to the kitchen, trying to find a place where I can be alone and cry. I never thought that I would cry that hard that day. The thought of not having her around always bring me to tears, even until now. I miss her.

p/s: That night when she passed away, I went to bed thinking of her. Then I felt like I was hugged from behind while I was sleeping. I am sure that it wasn't anyone else. I am pretty sure it was her.

Group presentation

Last Monday, we had to do group presentation for our class. I was the group leader (self-claimed since there was no one else volunteered to take charge), and at the last minute, I learned that one of the students who was supposed to present fell sick and was asked to stay at home. As a good leader (?!) I volunteered myself to replace her.

So there I was, presenting in front of the class. Holding the microphone..listening my own voice coming out from the speaker. It was a good presentation, I think, and everything went well. After the class, a few people came up to me complimented me on my presentation. I was like, "Owh, thanks. Hehe"

Have I ever mentioned that I enjoy talking in front of people? I don't know why, but somehow it gives me satisfaction. And I also enjoy organizing events or something. It is satisfying to see something that I have been working on going as planned. Or even if it is not going too well, at least I know that I have tried my best. Maybe it's the adrenaline..

p/s: Maybe I should consider changing my job from being a tutor to being a motivator. hehehe..

Grad school

With the owh-so-dissapointing classes, I was seriously thinking about finding a grad school overseas. However, I was called in by the dean today, and he told (or more to forced) me to convert my Master program to a PhD program by at least next semester, and to finish my PhD within 3 years. And there it goes, my hope of finding a better place to do my grad school. I guess I have no choice but to finish my PhD as soon as possible here. I hope I will survive this grad school.

O well, I think I should just focus on finishing it as soon as possible. At least, after getting my PhD, I don't have to think about this thing anymore, and I can be pretty well happy with my pay at that time..haha

p/s: have.to.accept.the.fact.have.to.accept.the.fact.have.to.accept.the.fact.

Hmm..that's it I think. Hmm..that's quite boring, although I swear I have more things to write about, but being me, I forgot most of them. Haha. Till my brain finds back all those lost thoughts. Have a nice day, people! :)

7 wasiat raja Melayu

2009-08-06T19:27:00.000-07:00

I found this link when I logged in to Facebook this morning. I don't know what's there with the kings and sultans, but I honestly respect and look up to them. Hahah I'm such a loyal citizen, I know.. Anyway, I'll just post this up, since I had never heard about this, so I bet some of us don't know about this as well. So here it is, people. I copy and paste this from here.

7 wasiat raja Melayu

Oleh FAIZAH IZZANI ZAKARIA
pengarang@utusan.com.my

KUALA LUMPUR 6 Ogos - Raja Muda Perak, Raja Dr. Nazrin Shah hari ini mengingatkan rakyat khususnya orang Melayu mengenai tujuh wasiat raja-raja Melayu yang menjanjikan kesejahteraan, kedamaian dan keamanan jika mereka bersatu dan berpegang teguh kepadanya.

Wasiat yang disampaikan semasa raja-raja Melayu menurunkan tandatangan persetujuan pembentukan Perlembagaan Persekutuan Tanah Melayu pada 5 Ogos 1957 itu ialah:

Kami namakan dan kami panggil akan dia, bumi yang kamu pijak dan langit yang kamu junjung Persekutuan Tanah Melayu (sekarang dikenali dengan nama Malaysia).
Kami isytiharkan dan kami simpan untuk kamu dan kami benarkan kamu isytihar dan simpan untuk anak cucu kamu, selain gunung-ganang, tasik dan hutan simpan, Tanah simpanan Melayu sehingga nisbah 50 peratus, selebihnya kamu rebutlah bersama-sama kaum lain.
Bagi menjaga kamu dan bagi melindungi anak cucu kami serta harta milik kamu, kami tubuhkan Rejiman Askar Melayu selain untuk membanteras kekacauan dalam negara dan ancaman dari luar negara.
Kami kekalkan dan kami jamin kerajaan dan kedaulatan raja-raja Melayu memerintah negara ini.
Kami isytiharkan Islam adalah agama Persekutuan.
Kami tetapkan bahasa kebangsaan ialah bahasa Melayu.
Kami amanahkan dan kami pertanggungjawabkan kepada raja-raja Melayu untuk melindungi kedudukan istimewa orang Melayu dan kepentingan sah kaum-kaum lain (kemudian ditambah kedudukan istimewa anak negeri Sabah dan Sarawak).

The new form of peer pressure

2009-07-23T00:27:00.000-07:00

Looking at wedding pictures of people my age really makes me feel depressed.

These days, most of my friends have started to book dates for their wedding. They are like, lining up to get married.

This is a new form of peer pressure.

I want to get married too, but not because of the pressure. I want to get married because I want to get married. I want to settle down.

However, due to some inevitable problems, that plan has to get postpone. Urgh~

But it's okay. I am strong right?

Yes, I am strong, strong, strong.

.....that's not working. Let's try doing that again.

I am strong, strong, strong.

Okay, that works.

p/s: This is like, the third(?) time I write about this. Hahaha. I am desperate. Pathetic.

Lagu: Hampir Ke Situ
Artis: Mendua

Aku sadar bukan mudah
Untuk mengejar mimpi indah
Pernah suatu ketika dulu
Ku punya harapan besar
Kini aku tak pasti
Dapatkan ku miliki

Sudah jauh kita tempuh
Kekalkanlah impian lalu
Mungkin ada hikmat
Yang akan menunggu
Di penghujung jalan
Biar nanti kecewa
Setidak-tidaknya mencuba

(korus)
Jika halangan menduga perjalanan kita
Janganlah kau putus asa
Karena ku ada di sisi setia menemani
Andai semangatmu gugur
Genggamlah tanganku
Kita hampir ke situ

Adakala ku terasa
Ketabahan tak setegar
Tetapi apakan daya
Berhenti separuh jalan
Percayalah padaku
Aku yakin kita mampu

(ulang korus)

Biar orang katakan
Rapuhnya harapan
Bukan mereka tentukan lagi
Kau ada aku dan aku punya kamu
Amanlah akhirnya tetap bersama
Oh...

(ulang korus)

Academicians in Malaysia

2009-07-22T18:22:00.000-07:00

Story 1:
Last Tuesday I went to my Research Topic class. It is a course for graduate student. I don't really know why they named the course Research Topic because so far I have not felt that I was lectured on how to choose topic for research, instead I was lectured on how to publish paper, how to choose journal, etc.

Anyway, last Tuesday the lecturer was talking something about choosing the right journal, and a little bit on how to write your paper so that it is not rejected. Then the lecturer talked about how to write the methodology section. She said, the methodology section should be detail enough for the readers to understand and to repeat the experiment, but always keep something hidden. She further said that we should not reveal everything because if we reveal everything, then someone else could repeat the exact experiment, and if the person found a better result, what would happen to us? (I think she was saying we would be considered as incompetence)

Anyway, I totally disagree with her statement. I think methodology section should be detail for other researcher to repeat the experiment, and get the same result. If other researcher repeat the experiment and get a better result, that means that maybe we have missed something, or maybe the result of the experiment varies according to the location (for example, my prof told us, the yeast for sourdough bread works only in the bay area, when the bread is done somewhere else, even using the same yeast, the taste of the bread is different..wonder why). And as academicians, we should not be afraid of revealing everything to the other researchers because no matter how the consequences, there is always something to learn. If our result is good, then good for us, and other researchers can do further studies based on what we have found. If our result is not-so-good, then we can always learn from that. Maybe our technique is wrong, or maybe there is something that we have missed. I think we should reveal everything for the sake of the knowledge. And also I think, it is unethical for us to not revealing everything because what if our result is not accurate, and it is used as a foundation for something big, which might effect lives and the planet?

Story 2:
This morning I was having breakfast with my friend. We were chatting and she told me about her superior (a lecturer) who asked her to be lenient when grading lab reports. He told her to give all the students at least an 8/10, not less than that. When my friend said she wanted to check the grammar in the lab reports just for the sake of educating--not grading--the lecturer told her not too. The lecturer also told her that it is okay if she found students who plagiarize.

Okay...what was that?? As a lecturer, as an educator, should he told my friend all those things? Where is his ethics? I totally think that as an educator, as an academician, he should not have said that. A sincere academician and educator will respect knowledge and make sure that all students be graded equally, and the grade that the students receive should reflect the quality of their work. If everyone will get an A, why do we grade in the first place anyway? And plus, saying that it is okay if the students plagiarize? And it does not matter if their grammar is terrible? What kind of graduates do you expect to get from this kind of incompetent, insincere lecturer?

Random:
Another thing that ticks me off is when it comes to writing recommendation letter. I would say, 90% of the time, when a student asks for a recommendation letter from his/her lecturer, the student would have to write the letter him/herself, and the lecturer would just sign the letter. I think this is very unethical. Lecturers are paid to do all these kinda things. And the university/employer who want the recommendation letters do not want to know what the students think of themselves, they want to know what other people think of the students. If we write something about ourselves, that is called personal statement, not recommendation letter.

Sometimes I wonder why some lecturers in Malaysia are so incompetence. I think they are not sincere in doing their job. It feels like they are forced to become lecturers--not because they want to become lecturers--thus, they do their job half-heartedly. As academicians/educators, we should show good examples to the students by being ethical, and by showing the respect and the love to the knowledge. For me, knowledge is something that is too noble to be disrespectful to; it should never be exploited for personal gain. This kind of lecturers really give bad image to the country's education system, and I think they should be brain-washed so that they realize how important and noble their job is, so that they would be more sincere in doing their job.

p/s: praying that I will never be in the same category as these incompetent and insincere lecturers.

Random thoughts (and crap)

2009-07-16T23:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was having some backache. My shoulder bone hurts, and the pain crawled to my chest area. I think it was because of this uncomfortable chair that I am using at the office. After work, I complained about the pain to my boyfriend, saying it would be good if I could get a good massage. Then, before I knew it, we were at a massage center at Jusco Setiawangsa. I chose a one hour full body massage. Since I did not want to make my boyfriend wait for one hour, I forced him to get one as well. Haha. Suddenly we were pampering ourselves last night. It costs us RM50 each for an hour of massage. Not that expensive, and I thought it was worth it. However my boyfriend did not enjoy it as much because the guy who massaged him was quite huge (so he was too strong), and he kept on asking my boyfriend, "Sakit bang~," with a Thai accent. Hahaha.

A few days ago I was reading something about the new curriculum for English learning at school. It was said that they would increase the hour of learning by 100%, which makes a total of 30% from the learning time would be dedicated to the learning of English. In addition to that, they would include new module in the learning--English lab, Scientific English, etc. I thought, "Wow, this is good~." Way to go, you have my support.

The celebration of the 100th day of Najib ruling showed quite a number of improvements that he has been working on. On that day, he gave 11 'gifts' to the people, and one of them was a 20% discount to those who had to go through toll gates >=80 times per day. I think it was terrific because people are really burdened by the toll prices. Although I am not in the >=80 times users catagory, I am happy for them.

I think people are slowly accepting Najib's ruling (and also BN). I think his 1Malaysia principle is working, and I personally think it is a good idea since it promotes togetherness. Although there are voices saying some people would take advantage of this principle, I think as long as we understand the basic principle of our country, everything should be fine.

PAS won Manik Urai by only a few votes. This shows how people have started to gain confidence in BN. I only hope for the best for the country.

Recently I have been receiving a lot of wedding invitations. I am under pressure. I want to get married too. If only wedding and marriage processes do not involve parents, I would have been married by now. O well~ Patience. Patience. Patience.

I am hoping everything would be just fine with my research on the first try. Okay, I know all scientists who are reading this would be laughing by now. Hah. Well, there can be miracle when you believe, right? Heh.

I will talk to my supervisor about getting a co-supervisor so that I can do my work in the lab located next to my office building.

This evening I am going for a swim.

I think I should stop typing now. This post has too much crap already.

End.

Culture shock?

2009-07-13T21:44:00.000-07:00

I had a 3-hour class this morning. Or more precisely, 2-and-a-half hour.

The class was scheduled from 8-11 am every Tuesday. I wanted to leave the house earlier today, but I woke up late (6:05 am) and had to rush to work. I quickly ate some fried rice at home and brought a bottle of plain water with me so that I had something to push down the fried rice. I left the house at 6:47 am, hoping the traffic would not be so bad.

After about an hour of driving, I reached my office. I punched in, boiled some water to make myself a cup of tea. After drinking half a mug, I rushed for my class. It was 8:00 am.

Reaching there, I was expecting a class full of people (it was 8:05am). Instead, I found myself to be the first one to enter the classroom. The projector was on, but the light was not. I switched on the light, took a seat, and not long after, a few students came in. It was 8:10 am, and the lecturer was nowhere to be seen.

8:25 am: the lecturer still had not come yet.

8:30 am: finally the lecturer arrived, but the class had not started.

8:35 am: the lecturer asked, "Can we start now?" I was like, "Are you serious??" In my mind, of course..

Then the class went on for the next 2 and a half hour..a boring 2 and a half hour, to be exact. It was a 3 credit hour class..so we are supposed to meet for 3 hours every week (unlike in UCD, where 3 credit hour is equivalent to 1 hour lecture or 3 hours lab).

I don't have any problem with meeting for 3 hours every week. The problem is, it was a straight 3 hours. I will be much happier if they split the class into two sessions of 1.5 hours each. And since the lecturer did not have much to say anyway, she kept on rambling about unimportant stuff just to fill that 3 hours. Sometimes she gave like 10 examples (okay I exaggerated) for a point that she was trying to convey. Or sometimes she elaborated an example for 15 minutes (okay, I exaggerated again). But you get the point. The 3-hour class was not properly filled, nor it is used effectively.

Added with the dimmed lighting (the light was off to get a better view of the slide show, and since there was only one switch for all the lights, we had to turn them all off), many of us fell sleepy and eventually fell asleep (or at least, me).

Somehow I felt like I have succeeded in wasting my time this morning. I barely got anything from the class, since I have already learned most of the things that she said during my undergrad life.

A 3-hour class is too long. I am confident to say that the points that the lecturer was trying to teach could have been cramped into a 1-hour lecture. So, instead of having a 3-hour boring and slow lecture, they could just made it into a 1-hour fast (and maybe more interesting) lecture, and gave us assignments to fill in those extra 2 hours.

And plus, I am not used to starting the class late. For me, 8:00 am means 8:00 am, and not 8:30 am (although I came in a lil bit late, because I knew everyone would be late anyway). She said, last week she told the class that she would start the class at 8:30 am since she did not want to rush everyone to come in at 8:00 am (I missed last week's class because I was not registered yet at that time). However, I am sure that 8:30 am means at least close to 8:45 am. Hah.

O well, I hope I will survive this program. I aim to finish in a year, although I know that is a bit ambitious. Hoho.

p/s: I miss the ever-exciting-and-enthusiastic class environment. The students here do not seem too excited about learning. O well, I guess we cannot blame them. Blame the boring class, I would say. Or maybe the learning culture, in general.

p/s/s: I miss the road-filled-with-fast-bicycles too. I miss to see students rushing to their next class. Let it be running or cycling. It's exciting. It makes us want to rush to class too. (And I did. I was literally running to some of my classes. And sometimes I would bike as fast as I could.)

p/s/s/s: It's funny to think that, even without the attendence sheet, the students in UCD were very enthusiastic about going to class, and they would try to come in at least 5 minutes before the class started. But here, even with the attendence sheet, the students would take their sweet time to get to class. O well, again, we cannot blame them. There is no reason to come early anyway. The lecturer is always late. At least 5 minutes.

p/s/s/s/s: Okay, it should have been p/s/s or p/p/s? p/s means postscript, right? So, postpostscript makes much more sense than postscriptscript, right? But I think, there is no such thing as p/s/s or p/p/s. I think there should only be p/s. Hahah.

Problem solved

2009-07-13T21:23:00.000-07:00

Finally, no one should face any problem in leaving me a comment anymore. My boyfriend has solved everything up. Apparently he had to add the scroll function in the coding. Tell you I would not be able to do this alone. Heheh.

Feel free to leave me a comment, as it is always good to know that I don't write only for myself. Comments always cheer me up, and make me excited. Hehe.

Anyway, if you still facing a problem, do tell me by sending me a message at nhmp_85@yahoo.com. I will try to fix it as soon as possible.

Till my next post, take care, everyone! :)

The weirdest dream

2009-07-13T00:35:00.000-07:00

Last night, I had the weirdest dream ever.

I dreamt my face was covered with fine but quite long (1 inch) hair and small flowers.

Yes, actual flowers. Like they were growing on my skin. There were like 4-5 of them, and they were white little flowers.

In that dream, my friend, Mas, advised me to go for a facial to remove the hair, but she did not say anything about the flowers. Or maybe she did. I think she just mentioned something like, "Eh, there are flowers growing on your skin."

Then I met my boyfriend and I told him with a sad face that I had flowers growing on my face, and that I wanted to go for a facial. Then he laughed a little before saying "Okay."

Then, the dream just stopped, or maybe I woke up.

Fuhh..~ I was glad that it ended. It was the weirdest dream ever.

Or more precisely, a NIGHTMARE :/

My face in my dreams. The short lines are the fine hair.

Apologize for the difficulties in commenting

2009-07-12T08:47:00.000-07:00

I have received quite a number of complaints about the difficulties in commenting. All of them involved difficulties in typing in the verification code. Someone said it might have caused by the template that I was using, so I have removed the template and reverted back to the classic template. However, I think the previous template has messed up the whole thing, and so it was not working. My boyfriend added this new template, but he did not have enough time to repair all the damage. I tried leaving a comment on my previous post, but even the comment box did not show up. Hahaha.

O well, just bear with me for a while. I will have my bf repairs everything back to normal. He has a BSc in Information Technology, so he should know (unlike me who is afraid of technologies...hehehe).

Anyway, again, I apologize for any inconvenience. I will try fixing this thing up as soon as possible. Till then, if you feel like commenting, type it in a notepad, or talk to your roommate about it.

Heh.

Math and Science in English?

2009-07-09T18:16:00.000-07:00

Logging into facebook this morning and found this article.

This issue about teaching of science and math in English has been going on for quite a while. Some people wanted the subjects to be taught in English, while others thought that the policy is just bullsh*t. So the government finally has made the decision to drop English as the medium of teaching, and go back to using BM/Mandarin/Tamil, starting 2012. Although the decision was said to be final, the commotion is still there. Those who wanted the subjects to be taught in our mother tongues rejoiced, while others were disappointed.

I personally agree with the government's decision. I know some of you disagree with me because of the obvious reasons--the language for science and math is English, English is the language of the world, without English, we cannot go anywhere, yadayadayada. Yes, I agree with those statements, but I have my own reason for agreeing with the government's decision.

My main reason for supporting the decision is, for me, groping the main ideas and basic concepts in science and math comes first before being able to explain those ideas and concepts in English. Science and math are both considered as killer subjects to most people, which means both subjects are difficult to be understood. Even to Americans, algebra is hard. And they learn that in English--their mother tongue. And how can we expect our students to be able to grope and master math and science when these subjects are taught in English, which is our second or third language? Without a strong understanding of the subjects, we still cannot produce good scientists and mathematicians.

I have talked to a science teacher, teaching form1-3 students. She said, when she taught in English, they did not want to listen because they did not understand. Ended up, sometimes she had to explain it in BM just to make the students understand. And although the students have to answer exam questions in English, apparently it is fine for them if they use the wrong grammar, as long as the key word is there, and as long as they examiners can understand what the students trying to explain. (Of course, if wrong grammar would make the answer wrong, almost everyone would fail)

Let's think for a second here. The main reason for teaching math and science in English is to produce science students with a good command in English, and they are hoped to become world-known scientists and mathematicians in the future. However, looking back at what I have written in the above paragraph, this policy does not serve the purpose, since wrong grammar = bad english = bad scientists. Let's try to put this thing in equation so that we can see it better.

(S&M refers to science and math, not the other thing)

Introduction:

English is the language of S&M. Our problem is,

S&M taught in mother tongue => good scientists, bad English => bad scientists

Solution (method):

Teaching of S&M in English

Hypothesis:

Teaching of S&M in English => good scientists, good English => excellent scientists

However, result:

Teaching of S&M in English => cannot undertand S&M => bad scientists

Teaching of S&M in English => does not help in mastering English => bad English, still

Thus,

Teaching of S&M in English => bad scientists, bad English => even worst scientists

Conclusion:

Teaching of S&M in English does not produce better scientists, instead, it makes it worst.

So, what went wrong?

Maybe we have overlooked something. We expect teaching of science and math in English would produce a good scientist with a strong command in English. Our main problem here is our students, even the top scorers in math and science, have a weak command in English. This shows that we don't have a problem with our method of teaching science and math. The problem is in our method of teaching English. Even for the non-science students, their command in English is bad. It has been English all the way. Then why are we trying to mess up with science and math?? We should have been messing up with English!

I think the reason why we messed up with science and math in the first place is because our parents' generation said, "My friends who went to English school, learned science and math in English, and had no problem. They understood science and math just fine. So, what's with all the ruckus?" However, they forgot that those who went to English schools from non-English schools had to do, if I am not mistaken, a year of some sort of preperatory program. Or maybe less than a year, I am not sure. But the point is, they were prepared before learning everything in English. It's the same concept as sending students for preparatory program before flying off to oversea for college--the program that I was in. For at least a year, we were taught the language of the country that we were going to for college, so that we would be well-prepared to learn everything in a different language. We were well-prepared, but these students who have to learn science and math in English at school are not prepared, thus explains the unsatisfactory result.

I am not saying that teaching of science and math in English is wrong. It is not wrong. But the students have to be prepared before they are ready to learn those subjects in English. They have to master English first, before they can learn and master the subjects in English. Or, they can master the subjects first in their mother tongue, master English second, before they can master the subjects in English. Either way, they have to master English.

There, we have come back to English being the main problem.

I am still with my stand. We have to change our method of teaching English. Our current method is not effective at all. The curriculum should focus on all aspecst of the language--reading, writing, listening, speaking--and it should be taught at least for an hour everyday. Make it a habit. Then only we can master English. In fact, this should be implemented to the learning of other new languages as well.

p/s: From my observation, most of the people who want the subjects to be taught in English come from the city, or are not aware of the difficulties that the students from rural area have to face when they are forced to learn science and math in English. We should be aware that the probability of these students hearing/using English in their everyday life is close to zero.

p/s/s: I had expressed my disappointment about Malaysians who cannot speak BM. For goodness sake, they ARE Malaysians. Aren't they ashamed of themselves? However, someone told me that these people cannot speak BM because they do not use BM in their everyday life, so we should not blame them. So, are we saying it is okay for Malaysians to have a bad command in BM, but it is not okay for Malaysians to have a bad command in English? Dimanakah jati diri kita sebagai anak bangsa Malaysia?

Monolog: 9 bulan

2009-07-08T18:14:00.000-07:00

(amaran: sesiapa yang tidak berhati jiwang, read at your own risk.)

Mohd Dzulkarnain Zainal Ahbiddin.
Bergambar ketika bersiar-siar di Taman Burung, Kuala Lumpur.

Sedar tak sedar, sudah 15 tahun aku mengenali lelaki ini, dan semalam, genap 9 bulan aku bersamanya. 9 bulan yang aku rasakan begitu pantas berlalu. 9 bulan yang dipenuhi kisah suka-duka dan juga cinta. Ya, cinta.

Apa itu cinta? aku pun tidak tahu apa jawapannya dalam bentuk kata-kata, tetapi yang pastinya aku yakin, apa yang aku rasakan ini adalah cinta. Aku masih ingat kali pertama dia melafaskan kata cinta kepadaku. Ketika itu, kami berdua berada di dalam kereta untuk ke suatu tempat. Pada waktu itu, hubungan kami baru berusia beberapa minggu..mungkin 2 atau 3. Dia katakan padaku, "I sayang you, I cinta you. I taknak menggunakan perkataan 'love' kerana ia boleh membawa maksud 'sayang' atau 'cinta'. Bagi I, 'cinta' adalah perasaan yang lebih kuat dari 'sayang'. Semalam I sedar yang perasaan I terhadap you sudah mencapai tahap cinta. I cintakan you, sayang."

Aku tidak tahu apa yang aku patut katakan pada ketika itu. Lidahku kelu. Tiada yang keluar dari mulutku melainkan ucapan terima kasih. Aku tahu dia tidak mahu itu. Aku tahu dia ingin aku mengucapkan kata-kata yang sama kepadanya, tapi aku belum bersedia. Atau lebih tepat, aku tidak tahu apa itu cinta. Aku tidak mahu melafazkan sesuatu yang aku tidak pasti akan maknanya.

Aku sudah terlupa bila kali pertama aku melafazkan kata cinta kepadanya. Tetapi yang pasti, aku tidak membuatnya menunggu terlalu lama. Mungkin selepas beberapa hari dia menyatakan yang dia mencintai aku. Aku menyedari yang aku juga mencintainya bila aku tahu yang aku tidak boleh kehilangannya, bila aku tahu yang aku tidak boleh hidup tanpanya, bila setiap kali dia menangis, aku menangis bersamanya, dan bila setiap kali dia ketawa, aku ketawa bersamanya.

Selama kami bersama, sudah banyak suka dan duka yang telah kami lalui..mungkin lebih banyak dari segelintir rakan-rakanku yang telah mendirikan rumahtangga. Aku teringat satu peristiwa di awal hubungan kami. Pada waktu itu, aku masih lagi sukar untuk mempercayai lelaki, walaupun lelaki itu adalah dia. Disebabkan oleh sikapnya yang terlalu baik terhadapku, aku sering terfikir, adakah layanannya itu akan kekal sehingga ke tua? Atau apakah ketika aku tidak lagi cantik, dia akan keluar mencari pengganti dan meninggalkan aku keseorangan di rumah? Aku sering berasa gelisah pabila mengenangkan perkara itu. Disebabkan aku banyak mengelamun pada waktu itu, dia sedar akan perubahan pada diriku. Dia cuba untuk mencungkil apa yang ada di benak fikiranku. Dengan rasa yang serba-salah, aku mengaku padanya yang aku mempunyai masalah untuk mempercayai lelaki, termasuk dia. Tidak dapat aku ceritakan bagaimana raut wajahnya ketika itu. Dia sungguh kecewa dengan kenyataanku, lalu menghisap beberapa batang rokok tanpa bersuara. Aku rasa bersalah, aku tahu aku telah melukakan hatinya. Aku tahu dia mengharapkan aku mempercayainya kerana dia mempercayai aku tanpa berbelah-bagi. Pada waktu itu, baginya, aku adalah nyawanya, dan bagiku, dia hanyalah seorang lelaki. Aku menangis di tengah-tengah kesibukan kota.

Setelah beberapa ketika, dia berpaling kepadaku. Dia melafazkan kata-kata cinta padaku. Dia meyakinkanku bahawa dia tidak akan berubah, bahawa dia hanya mencintaiku dan akan terus mencintaiku seorang. Dia meyakinkan aku bahawa dia akan tetap mencintaiku walau kulitku sudah kedut seribu, dan kepalaku telah dilitupi dengan helaian rambut putih. Dalam linangan air mata, dia meyakinkan aku. Aku menggagahkan diri untuk melihat wajah dia yang telah aku lukai. Ternyata dia ikhlas mencintaiku. Malam itu, segala keraguanku terhadapnya lenyap sama-sekali. Aku mempercayainya. Aku yakin akan dia. Aku tahu dia adalah yang terbaik untukku. Aku tahu aku mencintai dia.

Kini, aku hanya mengharapkan dan mendoakan hanya yang terbaik buat kami berdua. Aku berharap, walaupun aku tidak dapat bernikah dengannya pada hari ulangtahun pertama perhubungan kami, setidak-tidaknya dapatlah aku mengikat tali pertunangan dengannya. Aku sudah tidak sabar lagi menantikan detik aku diijabkabulkan dengannya, bergelar isteri kepadanya. Aku tidak sabar untuk melahirkan dan membesarkan zuriat kami. Aku sudah tidak sabar lagi untuk membina sebuah keluarga dengannya. Membina kehidupan dengannya. Kehidupan aku dan dia.

Ya, dia. Dia, yang merupakan
nyawaku,
nafasku,
hidupku,
bungaku,
bulanku,
matahariku,
pelangiku,
sinarku,
penyeri hidupku,
kekuatanku,
doronganku,
wangianku,
harapanku.

Dia adalah segala-galanya bagiku.

Dialah cintaku.

Jika apa yang aku alami ini adalah mimpi, jika apa yang aku alami ini adalah fantasi, biarkan aku enak dibuai mimpi ini. Jangan sekali-kali menyedarkan aku kepada realiti.

Shocking? Surprising? Unbelievable?

2009-07-07T18:26:00.000-07:00

I found this article a few minutes ago...

http://utusan.com.my/utusan/info.asp?y=2009&dt=0708&pub=Utusan_Malaysia&sec=Ekonomi&pg=ek_02.htm

Malaysia jadi 'lubuk' syarikat bioteknologi Korea

KUALA LUMPUR 7 Julai - Malaysia yang kaya dengan sumber alam semula jadi, menyebabkannya dianggap sebagai 'lubuk' kekayaan oleh syarikat-syarikat bioteknologi antarabangsa terutamanya dari Korea.

Negara itu mempunyai minda dan kepakaran yang baik dalam bioteknologi manakala Malaysia pula mempunyai sumber semulajadi yang kukuh.

Sebanyak 22 buah syarikat dari negara itu akan membuat pelaburan dalam bidang tersebut yang dilihat mempunyai potensi besar untuk dikomersialkan.

Malah, Malaysia juga dianggap mampu mencipta pasaran yang baik untuk syarikat-syarikat berkenaan bagi menembusi 10 buah negara sekitarnya yang dihuni 600 juta penduduk dengan Kadar Dalam Negara Kasar (KDNK) terkumpul berjumlah AS$1.4 trilion (RM4.94 trilion).

Menteri Sains,Teknologi dan Inovasi, Datuk Dr. Maximus Ongkili berkata, kini, syarikat-syarikat berkenaan boleh mengubah lokasi kilang dan aktiviti-aktiviti kajian dan penyelidikan (R&D) ke negara ini.

Katanya, syarikat-syarikat berkenaan boleh mengambil peluang terhadap kedudukan Malaysia yang terletak di tengah-tengah Asia selain terletak di antara pertumbuhan ekonomi rancak negara India dan China.

Selain itu, katanya, Malaysia juga merupakan negara Islam yang memberi kemudahan kepada syarikat-syarikat berkenaan untuk menembusi pasaran negara-negara Pertubuhan Persidangan Islam (OIC).

Jelasnya, OIC kini dianggotai sebanyak 57 buah negara.

''Malaysia kini berada di fasa kedua dasar bioteknologi negara iaitu pengukuhan sumber manusia dan sedang menuju ke fasa tiga iaitu pengkomersialan. Fasa satu merupakan tempoh kajian dan penyelidikan,'' katanya.

Beliau berkata demikian pada majlis menandatangani perjanjian antara Institut Kajian Biosains dan Bioteknologi (KRIBB) dengan Malaysian Biotechnology Corporation (BiotechCorp), Institut Piawaian dan Penyelidikan Perindustrian Malaysia (SIRIM) dan Ultimate Biotech Sdn. Bhd.

Katanya, Malaysia dilihat terlalu pantas melangkaui sasaran bioteknologi yang sepatutnya berada pada fasa ketiga pada tahun 2011.

''Ini merupakan satu petanda yang baik apabila kita berada di landasan yang betul, malah lebih pantas daripada sasaran yang diberikan,'' ujarnya.

Fasa keempat merupakan fasa untuk perniagaan di peringkat global.

Now my biotech friends...do you think this is true? That we have passed the research phase? That we are too fast in the biotechnological development? That we are already in the human capital phase and is going to the commercialization phase? But why almost all of biotech graduates (that I know, at least) ended up continuing their studies because they could not find any job? And why during that BioCareer09, most of the vacancies were for people outside of the biotechnology field, and there were less than 5 openings for biotechnologists? Why, when we are developing too fast in biotechnology, most of biotech graduates cannot find any job (other than becoming research assistant and getting paid less than rm2000/month, or becoming like me, a tutor)? Why? Why? Why?

And that's why I laughed when I went to the BioCareer 09, and also when I was reading this article.

Unbelievable.

updates

2009-07-05T23:15:00.000-07:00

I haven't updated this blog for quite some time now. That shows how busy I am lately, although I'm pretty sure there are some people who disagree with me, considering I had so much time before. But as always, all works tend to come to me at the same time. So what have I been doing?

Papers editing

So my faculty decided to make two books, and it just happen that I was selected to be in one of the editorial board. I had to edit undergraduate thesis in order to publish it. Since apparently these students didn't take any scientific writing class, the papers are quite a mess. Results and discussions were being put together, inconsistent use of figures and tables, wrong formatting, direct-translated/informal english..urgh.

Kursus Persediaan Pengajian Siswazah bagi Pegawai Akademik

This was a 4-day course. Monday-Thursday, June 22-25, 2009. We were given talks on how to choose university for our graduate studies, how to choose supervisors, how to publish papers, what to expect during the duration of the studies, what we should do during study leave, etc. Pretty much like a motivational talk, apart of other technical stuffs. It was a good course, but I wish it had been organized earlier. I mean, most of us had already chosen our universities and supervisors prior to the course.

Medical Checkup

On Friday, June 26, 2009, I went to the Student Medical Center for a medical checkup. I needed it for my graduate school registration. After going there, to my surprise, I needed to bring my offer letter for swine flu screening. I wasn't told to bring it, and I had to drive back to my office to take it, so I complained (a lot) to the nurses. Ha! Padan muka

The closing of the 14th International Conference on Thinking (ICOT)

This was held at the KL Convention Center on Friday June 26, 2009. I wasn't asked to go for the closing ceremony, but I wanted to go, so I went. I was able to listen to the final talk by Edward de Bono, and it was interesting and amazing. His thinking was extraordinary that left me wondering how he came out with all of them. Maybe I should buy his book.

Graduate school and class registration

I am officially a graduate student at the Faculty of Biotechnologies and Biomolecular Sciences, UPM. I registered on June 29, 2009. It was a quick process - I took approximately 30 minutes to get it all done (and also to lose RM1600 for the tuition fee). However, I wasn't given any guidelines on when the orientation will take place, which class to take, or even the courses list. After asking around, apparently there aren't any! And so I had to ask around on which class to take, and so on. Urgh.

Higher Education Professional Training Program for Young Lecturers

Earlier last week, I learned that my name was in the list for this program. I don't know how the Ministry of Higher Education pick my name of all people. But since it was an order from the ministry and was compulsory, I went anyway. It was held for 4 days, July 2-5, 2009 at the Grand Season Hotel, KL. 4 days of never-ending food, and talks. It was a good initiative, but some speakers were just boring to death, although there were some who were good. But o well, I got a certificate for it, and am qualified to be a lecturer already! Owh, almost forgot that I need to have a PhD to become a lecturer. Dang.

First day of class

Today is the first day of class, and the lecturer was late. Ha! Also, the shocking truth was, most of the students in the class were dropped from the class, without notice. Apparently there were too many students registered for the class online, but UPM only allow 80 students in each class. To meet this criteria, they restrict to class to only students from the Faculty of Biotechnology and also from IBS (what it is, I don't know). However, instead of telling us from the start, and instead of dropping those who aren't from the two categories, they dropped EVERYONE except for those who gave their names to this one person. How the hell a new student like me would know that?! And they told us about this during our first class. Ha! So ended up I wasn't registered for any class this semester, other than my Master research project (12 credit). Anyway, we went to see the person to give our names during the 5-minute break, but then found out this person was on leave today. Ha! KILL ME ALREADY!

That sums up pretty much all the things that I have been doing for the past couple of weeks (or more). And today I was smacked by another workload. Dush!

Why is today Monday..

p/s: This morning there was a car tail-gating me. It was a busy morning as always, so he didn't have a chance to overtake me. I like to sort of piss off these kind of people by not giving way to them, so I kept on driving without changing to the left lane, and I was able to piss him off for quite some time. After a while, there was an opportunity for him to overtake me through the left lane, and I was like, "urgh~." However, the road merge with a bigger road -- from 2-lanes to 4-lanes. I moved to the most right lane because I wanted to go straight. While doing that, I kept my eye on the car, just to see how fast he could go. Well, he kept on tail-gating on other cars. He couldn't change to the right lane because he was too close to the front car, and ended up, I was much faster than him. 'Haha. Learn from me, Mister. The art of smart-driving, not haste-driving.' *Proud face* Tu la drive gelabah sangat, padan muka lambat. Kancil kecik comot ni lagi pantas dari Persona kau tau!

My 5-day break

2009-06-15T19:40:00.000-07:00

Today is my first day at work after a 5-day off (2 weekends + 3 days leave). It feels really good after a long break since I hadn't had one in a lo~ng time. So it feels really good~ Although I must admit it was quite a tiring break..but fun at the same time. Plus, I got to settle quite a lot of things that I had postponed for quite some time.

So, what did I do during my 5-day break?

Thursday - Had brunch at home (my mom made fried rice). Went to the bank to settle some things at about noon. Then headed to the office to take some documents to submit to JPA, but later realized that I left a document at home. Postponed it to Monday. Then headed straight to my bf's late-grandmother's place in Rembau. Bought some smoked fish to bring Rembau (in addition to a plastic bag full of rambutan picked from a tree at my house). Reached Rembau, helped here and there, ate dinner, helped around (again), then went to bed at around 1am.

Friday - Woke up early--very early--at about 430am. Accompanied my bf to pick his brother up from Seremban (he took a night bus from penang). The journey took 45 minutes one way! I was planning on sleeping on the way back, but since my bf was too sleepy, I had to stay awake to make sure he didn't fall asleep behind the wheel! Reached Rembau at 6am, my bf went back to sleep but I didn't, and took a shower instead (not fair! >.<). I mean, how could I go to sleep when my bf's mother was wide awake and busy preparing breakfast, right? So after shower I helped around before preparing to go to the town for the big event (my bf's eldest sister was getting married). I was able to watch the whole ceremony (videos and photos later). Then came back to the house and helped around with the preparation for the next-day reception. But ended up not helping a whole lot due to headache and fatigue. So, I rested a lot instead. Like my bf said, "You've already helped a lot..although you slept 40-50% of the time." huhuhu. Later in the day, I found out that it's that time of the month already, so that explained the fatigue. After helping with the goodie bag, my bf forced me to go to bed at 1230am, although I later found out the next day that other people went to bed at 3am+, and some at 5am. They must have been mad at me for going to bed early. Haha.

Saturday - The reception day--the busiest day. After taking a shower at around 7am, I helped around with the cooking and other preparations. By 11am, I was sweating a lot and decided to take a shower again before dressing up for the event, which started at 12pm. My fatigue was still there, so most of the time during the event, I was inside the house, resting and waiting for my parents to come. The groom arrived at about 130pm. I got to see the whole ceremony done the Negeri Sembilan way. It was my first time seeing it, and I was excited. I filmed part of the ceremony (will post later). Not too long after that, my parents arrived, and my bf and I ate our lunch with them. Got to introduce my parents to my bf's moms and relatives (yeay!). After my parents left, our friends arrived, and they left just before the event ended at 3pm. After the event, everyone was just sitting around and chatting while listening to whoever was brave enough to sing at the open-mic. My bf and his cousin sang a Negeri Sembilan song, and I filmed it (of course!). Although it's very temping to post the video here, I was already warned not to post it. Huhu. Anyway, the house was a disaster after the event. Trash and dirty dishes was everywhere. So we started cleaning at about 5pm+. I helped with the dishes, but after that I was too tired to do anything else. We managed to get most of the cleaning done by dinner, so that's good. And since everyone didn't get enough sleep the night before, the house was already quite by 10pm. However, me, my bf, and some of his cousins were watching the tv till 12am before going to bed.

Sunday - Woke up at 6am, but ended up falling asleep again on the couch until 7am. Took shower, packed, had breakfast, sat around and left home at about 1pm. Had lunch at 315pm and went back home before going out again to send my bf's brother to KL central (he had to go back to Penang). After sending him off, we went to the cinema to watch Night at the Museum 2, using the free tickets that I got for my birthday. It was a funny movie, but I guess I was too tired that I almost fall asleep when watching it. Huhu. After the movie, we headed straight home since it's already 1030pm.

Monday - Day off! Whee~! Woke up pretty late at around 9am. Left the house at around 11am. Change the engine oil on the way to Putrajaya. Had lunch at Alamanda while waiting for the office to open at 215pm. Since Alamanda is a mall, I ended up buying a hand cream for my bf (he didn't want it, of course, but I knew he needed one) and an eye cream for me (hopefully it works!). Handed in the documents to JPA, but ended up having to write letters to ask for permission to postpone the contract (Haish, lagi baik buat bodo. Skrg dah banyak keje). Then headed for Shah Alam to get my bf's watch and ring that he left at Rembau from his cousin. After that we headed to Gombak, before I decided to bring my sick kitten to see the vet. Drove around to find a vet and failed. After doing some search on the internet we found one which was cheap and quite close. So we headed there after bringing the kitten along. The kitten had to get an injection which costs me rm25 and he needed another one in 2 weeks time (owh duitku~). After dropping the kitten off at the house, we went to Jusco Setiawangsa for dinner, but the restaurant was closed. We tried a new restaurant instead and watched a real-life 'drama' of a couple. The girl didn't even look at the guy and they ended up not eating anything! I bet the guy had done something really bad. Hohoho. Anyway, after dinner we got something from the supermarket--insect repellent for the car, rat trap for my bf's place, hair gel for my bf, and a hot-patch (salonpas) for my bf's stiffed shoulders. Then we had a nice talk at our favorite eating place near our home before he sent me home..

Anyway, I feel really good that I was able to settle most of the things that I wanted to settle. I don't know why but I feel like wanting to take care of all the things that I kinda neglected all this while--my cats, the cars.. And now that I have settled most of the things on my list, I feel good~ (mcm motto ntv7 tak? hehe).

Now, these are the things that are still on the list:
1) make a new mykad
2) buy conditioner (I have been depending on hair-oil for quite some time now. huhu)
3) change Kancil's engine oil (Hopefully it's not dried up yet!)
4) Kancil needs a bath and a good polish!
5) bring my other cats to the vet too

Not so important:
1) buy new make up sample from lovingminerals. com (ade sape2 nak blanje? :D)

Can't wait for my next paycheck! >.<

too much in a day

2009-06-03T21:02:00.000-07:00

It is only 1204pm and I have already discovered two '18sx' materials.

1) Fucking, Austria

2) Korean Penis Fish

Davis, my second home

2009-06-01T19:49:00.000-07:00

I have been in Malaysia for almost 11 months now. Wow, I did not notice it at all.

It has been almost a year, but I still miss my second home, Davis, a small town in North California.

official logo of Davis (wikipedia)

Maybe for those who are used to living in the city would not like Davis the first time they go there. No malls, no tall buildings, lots of bicycles and not that many cars..the smell of cows..is that a nightmare or what?

cows eating

lembu-lembu kepanasan?

But no, Davis is actually a paradise. Or like I used to describe it--a fantasy town. A perfect world of their own, secluded from the brutal world outside. You know, kinda like Disneyland, but less extreme.

Davis is known to be as an environmental-friendly town, with recycle bins scattered everywhere, people use their bikes as the main transportation, and not that many street lights so that people can enjoy star-gazing at night. And during the spring time, there will be Whole Earth Festival on campus (open for the public, of course), which is fully environmental friendly. Electricity is generated by solar panels, and no plastics/non-biodegradable items are used.

You can find this everywhere

We used to have this in our apartment

This is located on campus

Crafts sold during Whole Earth Festival

Buy your food, pay deposit for the plates/cutleries/cups, and get it back after returning the dishes

Solar panel

A sign during the Whole Earth Festival. Notice the number of bikes

Being a university town, Davis is populated with mostly educated people from different walks of life. A small town full of educated people is really a very welcoming experience. We can express our opinion about sensitive topics and people are open about that. No one is a majority and everyone is so friendly. People at the grocery stores will ask us if we need help getting the stuffs to our car. The lady at the Asian Market asks about the scarfs that we wear. Once, a stranger on campus said hello to me even though I did not know him.

Also being a university town, UC Davis will organize Picnic Day during spring every year. It is like a open day for the university. Picnic Day is the largest event held on campus, and "is believed to be the largest student-run event in the US" (wikipedia). There will be parade, exhibitions, demonstrations, competitions, booths, and performances on this day. I would say it is the most-waited event every year. Students might also see their professors cow-milking on this day.

Parade on Picnic Day

Dog race (?) on Picnic Day

People always think that a small town usually has nothing. But think again. In Davis, we can plan on eating Thai food for dinner and change the plan at the very last minute to sushi buffet, since the restaurants are just 2-3 minutes apart by foot. Thai food, Chinese food, Mediterranean food, Italian food, Korean food, Japanese food--you name it, Davis has it (although I wish they have Malaysian and Indonesian restaurants in town). And do not worry about entertainment. There are three cinemas and a paintball field in this small town. There are also a bowling alley, and a game archade on campus. And we also have a large theatre hall called Mondavi Center. When there is a need for shopping, there is a GAP store and a Gottschalk about 5 minutes away by bike from the campus. And if you feel like browsing through a larger variety, Vacaville factory outlets is only 30 minutes away by car and Sacramento city is only 20 minutes away by car. No car? Not to worry. Buses are always there to serve you.

Fuji Chef - the most popular sushi buffet in town

University Mall

I used to stop here on my way back to my apartment

Owh, almost forgot about the Farmer's market. A market selling local products. Those cheeses, juicy oranges, strawberries.. And your visit to the Farmer's market on a Saturday morning will usually be welcomed by some live music. Such a peaceful and lively atmosphere.

Farmers Market..love the free samples. hehe

musicians performing at Farmers Market

Ahh~ I do not care what other people say. I just love Davis.

Owh, did I mention UCD still use those red double-decker buses from London? Yup, with the driver seat on the right.

Red double decker Unitrans bus. This is on campus

Owh, and did I mention about the Arboretum and the ducks? A LOT of ducks..

The main entrance to the UCD Arboretum

Part of Arboretum. (Arboretum is a long lake..this is the middle part of it)

Ducks at the arboretum, although sometimes they fly to the downtown area. Wait for the spring to come. You could see 'duck rape' almost everywhere. haha

Ahh..~ how I wish I could go back to Davis with my bf and walk the Arboretum with him...

(Most of the pictures are taken from DavisWiki. The logo is from Wikipedia)

Grad school application - APPROVED!

2009-06-01T01:46:00.000-07:00

I got a text from a colleague this evening telling me to check my grad school application status online. So, I checked it right away, and it was approved. Yeay! Finally.

So I will be starting off my new life as a student again this July. July 3, 2009 to be exact. I will be doing Master of Science (Environmental Biotechnology) with thesis program under the Faculty of Biotechnology and Biomolecular Sciences for 1-3 years.

Hmm..what do I need to do before the semester started? Register, pay the tuition fee (RM1600, urgh), and register for classes I suppose? I should better confirm about that soon.

Anyway, I am excited. Finally I have something to do. But when I think about the messy lab..I guess I am not that excited anymore. Huhuhu.

We seriously need a Lab Assistant, urgent.

Change and will power

2009-05-27T16:37:00.000-07:00

"Just be yourself."

That is one of the common phrases that we usually hear people say. Or maybe one that we usually use. I know I use it a lot, for I believe that trying to be someone else would not make us happy.

However, no matter how much we need to be ourselves, there are always some things about ourselves that need to be changed. For example bad habits, shopaholics, etc.

I need to change something too. It's not a big thing, really, but I know it's not good, and so I want to change it.

So, what do I want to change about me?

Jeng jeng jeng...~! (suspense tak?)

I want to stop consuming coffee.

I am a coffee addict. I love coffee for its taste and its smell. And maybe sometimes for its effect on my appear-to-be-always-sleepy brain. The stronger the coffee, the better. Not too strong though; I cannot really take espresso shots. I love to sip a cup of coffee till its last drop. My favorite coffee is Starbucks low-fat Caramel Macchiato, but I also enjoy strong Nescafe and kopi Muar 434. Although I love coffee, I can only consume 1 cup of coffee per day since I cannot really tolerate its caffeine.

However, despite my love for coffee, I want to stop consuming it because it causes bad effects on me. Three bad effects, actually. One is, despite giving me instant caffeine boost after drinking it, I will start shaking and shivering once the effect goes away. It usually happens about 3-4 hours after drinking it. And following that (bad effect #2), I will feel very, very hungry. And if I consume more than a cup per day (bad effect #3), I will feel nausea. The same feeling also happens after a period of constant one-cup-per-day coffee consumption.

So, given the bad effects, I want to stop drinking coffee. Plus, I have read some articles somewhere saying that caffeine would make you fat (or at least, not helping in making you lose weight). Since I have fat genes in my genome, coffee is not helping in keeping the gene inactive. So, that's it. Byebye coffee.

But, no effort comes without challenges. Same goes with this. This morning I heard a coffee advertisement in the radio. Damn, didn't the advertisement describe coffee as something that is really good? Urgh~ I felt like having coffee right away. But no-no. I have made up my mind. I know I can do this. Byebye coffee.

The temptation reminded me of the movie The Confession of a Shopaholic. How the main character sees all the manneqiuns talk to her into buying all the clothes, shoes, accesories... And it also reminded me of the reality tv show The Biggest Loser. The contestants have to follow a strict diet while still having to see all the cakes, fried chicken, etc. everyday. Wow~ haven't we all fall for a temptation at least once in ourlives.. And when temptations are in front of our eyes, the only thing that could stop it is our will power. Will power, kick in! Wacchaa!

Anyway~~ I hope my will power is strong enough to fight the temptation. I can do this. I know I can. I have succeeded once; in 2003/04 I didn't had a single sip of coffee for a whole year. So I can do this!

Cheers for will power!

A new blog and Pushie

2009-05-25T23:27:00.000-07:00

Pheewww~

There, six posts from my previous blog that i copied and pasted here. Those are the only six worth reading (or so I think) entries that I have written for the last five months. So, if you are lazy to go here, you can just read those.

Anyway, as I look at my profile name and description, I feel like I have just created a new name for me.

Fiza Pushie.

First name: Fiza.

Last name: Pushie.

Uuu..can I use that name in official forms and stuffs? Like, bank transactions, grad school application.. haha

Anyway, I was wondering if there is such name as Pushie. Like, if it is a real family name. Is there any other Pushies?

And so, I googled 'Pushie last name,' and found this.

O wow, I have family crest and all. Korang ade ke?? Hahahaha.

So, try google your name people! What do you find?

Tangkap khalwat

2009-05-25T21:08:00.000-07:00

(written on May 14, 2009)

I just watched video on tangkapan khalwat and also read about it in a forum..

(Just in case you all wonder why I searched for those stuffs in the internet..it all started with a conversation I had with my friends during breakfast this morning..anyway~~)

Watching the video, uneasiness started crawling in my vein. Not really with the doers, but with the people catching these couples..who I assumed were from Jabatan Agama Islam, somewhere. I am not saying that it is okay for couples to do those things, especially in public, but the way they were caught and humiliated the couples after that is, I think, violating their rights.

These people who caught them, record a video of them doing whatever that they do, then ask them in a raised voice "Dah kawin?!" and still keep on recording the video--focusing on their faces and all. If they say it is for proving purposes, fine. But how did these videos end up on youtube? Plus, without blurring the faces whatsoever?

Firstly, I think recording a video is quite unnecessary, since even in Islam, 4 witnesses is enough to prove that they did what they did. However, some people say that the video is to strengthen the eye-witnesses say. Okay, fine. But it shouldn't be made public. It is humiliating. And it is not Islamic at all to humiliate someone in front of other people, what more to the whole world. Plus, sometimes the couples did nothing. Some couples were just sitting, with gap in between and not touching, and still got caught! Some people are not even Muslims, and they weren't even kissing or hugging! I mean, seriously..they were humiliated for no reason, and it's not cool to do that. However, some people say it is to remind other people not to do it. Okay, fine. But they could have blurred their faces first, before putting it on youtube, right?

Secondly, the way they ask is inappropriate (i think there's another word for it, but I cannot think of any). They raise their voice and asked, "dah kawin?!" They cannot be sure that those couples aren't married yet, can they? What if the couples are married? Free humiliation, again, to both the couples and them. And plus, the way they ask makes the couples startle, and thus the couples would answer to whatever that they ask. Okay, that's not really a big deal, but what if they were actually criminals pretending to be the people from Jabatan Agama Islam and asking for these couples' identity card? How can these couples be sure that they really are from JAI? My mom once said, even if a person dressed like a policeman comes to us and asks for our IC, asks for their police batch first. They could be criminals. Same goes to these people who claim that they are from JAI. So I think, instead, they could have introduced themselves (and show their staff card, if necessary) and asked politely, "kami dari blablabla, encik dah kawin?" so that if the couples are married, they can ask for kad nikah and apologize and go away without being humiliated, and if the couples are not, then they can proceed with the right procedure. Kata berbudi bahasa amalan kita, kan?

(owh, suddenly my chain-of-thoughts was distracted and I cannot find the other half!)

......

Anyway, most people commented that these couples should have gotten married and not be doing all those things in the first place. Basically, they blame the couples 100%. But I say it's not 100% the couples' fault. Again, I am not saying what they did was right, but, think again, how much does it cost to get married?(Thanks to our society, we need to invite everyone--satu kampung, 2,3,4 pupu--to our wedding, or else people will say things) How complicated it is to get married? (Also thanks to our society, the older sister needs to get married first, or the guy needs to support his family first, or they need to be engaged first for at least a year, or the hantaran cannot be too low or else people will say things). Although I agree that most probably most of these couples do not have the intention of marrying each other, but I believe at least some of them do, but due to these reasons, they cannot. Some people might argue that if the guy really wanted to marry the girl, he should've protected her and not be doing all those things to her, but I would say, they are just human. For someone to be wanting to marry someone else proves that there is attraction between them, and thus all these things happen. To err is human, and thus, not everyone is strong enough to keep the boundaries..

(okay, I've lost my chain-of-thoughts again..)

So anyway, I think, one way to reduce this social problem (other than strengthening the way religion is taught in class and at home) is by the society to not be too strict on the marriage and wedding process. If both the guy and the girl have met the requirements and they want to get married, the parents should just let them. Put the what-other-people-would-say thinking aside. It's better to get humiliated for not inviting everyone to the wedding, or for not having the highest hantaran than get humiliated for doing inappropriate things..but then again, the people who still have this kind of thinking are mostly from the older generations, who, will most probably, not be reading this entry.

ps: Some people said that sometimes these people who catch couples punch/hit the couples first (including the girls) before bringing them in for justice. I mean, hello?

pss: Someone in the forum wrote that he and his wife got caught a lot of times by these Jabatan Agama people. Then another person wrote that her husband got pissed and hit the person who caught them. That's hardcore. haha

Marriage

2009-05-25T21:05:00.000-07:00

(written on Feb 22, 2009)

When I was about 4 years old, my mom once asked me, "Who do you want to get married to when you grow up?" My answer was, "Bangyid (my brother) of course..who else?" My answer brought a huge laughter to everyone. Then my mom told me, "You cannot marry your own brother..you have to marry someone other than your relatives.." I was like, "oo00o0o0ooo000ooo."

After that incident, I had never thought about marriage, not until I was 17. Once when I was chatting with some friends in the classroom, I said, "After this we will continue our own path. Maybe 5 years from now, one of us will get married. At that time we will be 22. Marriage is possible, even if it's not common (because 22 is still quite young)." And it was true. One of my classmate got married when she was 21. (Ironically, she was one of the people who said she wouldn't be the person who would get married before 22. Haha).

Then I met someone when I was 18. He was my first love, and so I was naive enough to believe in our so-called 'love'. The relationship was not exactly like I hoped it would be. I constantly felt like it was a one-way relationship, although I strongly wanted to believe that he loved me too...so I did not care being the one who gives, but got nothing in return. I foolishly fantasizing of marrying him, having him as my husband, and father of my kids. At that time, I made a rough plan of how my life would be--get a degree at 22, get a job right after, get married at 23 or 24, and maybe continue study at 25 or older.

However, my plan was not actually got approved by my bf at that time. He said he wanted to get married at 28, because usually by that time, people will have quite a strong and stable financial status. I was devastated, because I thought 28 is quite old. And plus I wanted to have kids before I turn 30. I was not aware of how much a wedding would cost. Then he told me, "We need at least RM 20k to get married. Do you know that?" Then I was like, "Owh, okay." I never though a wedding would cost that much.

After the relationship with my first bf got shaky, I started to shut my self from thinking about love, marriage, and anything related to that. For a whole year, I dunked my self into books and school, and nothing else. However, after he contacted me again, my thought about marriage came back.

That thought however, stayed for only a few months. After we broke up for good (finally), marriage was the last thing in my mind, although I had another guy after him. You see, another guy is the last thing that a woman needs after a break up. I knew we were not for each other, and I knew the relationship would not last long, and I could not even imagine having to spend my life with him.

After barely 7 months, I broke up with him, and I swore to my self that I would not make the same mistake. Although I was single at that time, I still thought about marriage. Maybe because I have already reached that age, where I feel I need someone to be my strength..someone that I can share my life with. However, for the next seven months after the break up, I could only see the career part of my future, but not the family part. Sometimes I even imagined my self having to live alone in an apartment, with a few cats to accompany me. I was preparing my self to accept any possibilities.

However, as the saying goes, "jodoh pertemuan, ajal maut di tangan Tuhan." After barely 7 months, I met someone who, I can confidently say, is the one. I can totally see myself spending my whole life and raising children with him. Our relationship started with me telling him that if he wanted me, come and see my parents to ask my hands in marriage first. You see, I was tired of being tangled in useless relationships, so the way I saw it, if he really wants me, marry me. However, of course, marriage is not something that is easy.. and as usual, money was the problem. We got together nevertheless, and planned to get married middle of this year; when we get to save some money, and wouldn't have to loan too much from banks. We try our best to get enough money for our wedding, so that none of our parents will have to spend any money on us. We search for wedding planners that offer a good deal on wedding packages. We try to be as independent as possible, and not being dependent on our parents for money. But things do not always go as planned..barriers keep on coming--family, money--and so it has to get posponed. However, I am not giving up.

Now, at 24, as I look at my friends' wedding photos, I wonder how they did it. Some of them were still studying when they got married..and some of them just started working. Where did they get the money from? RM 20-30k cannot be saved overnight you see..

Yes, maybe I am jealous that my path to marriage is not as easy as theirs. But I should not complaint. At least, I have found the one. Some of my friends do not even know how it feels to love and to be loved by someone. Some of my friends face a bigger challenge with the other family. Yes, I should not complaint.

My bestfriend once asked me why I wanted to get married now. She said I was just 24..it's not the age where one is desperate to get married. Yes, she was correct. I am not desparate. But I want to get married because I want to settle down, so that I can move on with my life. So that I can focus on other things--my studies, my career. She said my answer was exactly the same like her sister's when she wanted to get married. Now her sister is happy with her husband (and a kid, i think). Then my bestfriend said, "I think you are really ready to get married. I know I am not."

Yes, I am ready..but the time has not come yet. I cannot deny the faint dissapointment that I felt the moment I realized things did not go as planned, but I am willing to wait. At least, after everything is over, we can pat each other's back and said, "We did it (started a family with our own money)."

The Perak Crisis

2009-05-25T21:04:00.001-07:00

(written on Feb 9, 2009)

Hmm.. I feel like writing about this.

The issue in Perak has caught my attention. I am not the kind of person who read the newspaper and watch the news everyday, but the Perak issue has made me one (ok, not watching the news part). I do not care who rule the state; for all I care, as long as the governing party do their job, it is enough for me. Owh, actually I do not really care, since I am not a Perak-ian anyway.

However, since the Perak issue touches matters on the Power of the Sultans, I turned from someone who is quite ignorance, to someone who cares. The fact that the former MB of Perak does not want to admit to his loss of power and Karpal wants to sue the Sultan of Perak really has triggered some WTH feeling in me. The first time I read about the former MB said, "mohon sembah derhaka," to the Sultan, I was like, "are you serious?" Then I read he said something like, hoping the people were on his (and the opposition) side. I mean, seriously, if he wants to go against the Sultan, do it alone. Do not promote the immorale act of disloyalty towards the Sultan to the public. And do not let me start on Karpal. He wants to sue the Sultan?! Who does he think he is? And the supporters who threw rocks to the Royalties' cars? I mean, seriously?

Yes, the change of power in Perak was too abrupt. Some people were questioning why the Sultan did not order for another election to be done. They said the Sultan could have dismissed the DUN, instead of bringing BN into power. So what are they trying to say actually? That the Sultan favors BN more? Or are they trying to say that BN has 'poisoned' the Sultan's mind?

Maybe they forgot that our Sultans have the final say on everything basically. Maybe they have forgotten that although our Sultans and Kings are bonded with law, they still have veto power..maybe not that much, but they do. If we look at our Parliament, any new law that the government want to make has to go through our Yang diPertuan Agong. The fact that everything has to go through the Sultans and Kings means that they have the choice to approve it or not. If our Sultans and Kings have only one choice, what is the point of presenting anything to them? Do these disloyal people think our Sultans and Kings are just nodding machines--saying yes to anything that they say? Although I do not study law, but based on what I read, yes, maybe the Sultan has the power to dismiss the DUN, but we should not forget that based on the law, he also has the power to bring BN into power. So based on his judgement, he brought BN into power. That is what he has decided, and that is what we have to obey. We do not know why he decided on that. Maybe to the opposition, they might think that BN has something to do with his decision. But personally, I would say BN has nothing to do with his decision because he is a Sultan for heaven's sake--whoever rules the state, he still has the higher power. And I would lmao if suddenly people said BN bribe the Sultan. HAR HAR HAR. As if Sultan does not have enough money and power already.

Nizar's act of not admitting to his loss is a shame to me. Personally, I think he is making a fool of himself. He should instead be a gentleman, and step down. Just wait for the next election. Maybe he should be reminded that the Sultan was the one who appointed him as the MB in the first place. Why he did not go against the Sultan at that time, although clearly, he was not the one with the highest vote? Owh, of course..who would say no to power..right?

Karpal, Nizar, and their supporters should be thankful that I were not the Sultan. If I were the Sultan, I would have sent them for exile.

Maybe we should always be reminded of our Rukun Negara.

Maka kami, rakyat Malaysia, berikrar akan menumpukan seluruh tenaga dan usaha kami bagi mencapai cita-cita tersebut berdasarkan kepada prinsip-prinsip yang berikut:

Kepercayaan kepada Tuhan
Kesetiaan kepada raja dan negara
Keluhuran perlembagaan
Kedaulatan undang-undang
Kesopanan dan kesusilaan

In Islam, when we pray, we should do all the '13 rukun solat' in which if we fail to do even one of them, our prayer is considered as tidak sah (ok, what is it in English..). So logically, as Malaysians, if we fail to do any of the Rukun Negara, I would say, we are not eligible to call ourselves Malaysians.

DAULAT TUANKU

Rukun Negara #2

2009-05-25T21:02:00.000-07:00

(written on Feb 5, 2009)

*taken from utusan malaysia online Jan 6, 2009*

http://utusan.com.my/utusan/info.asp?y=2009&dt=0206&pub=Utusan_Malaysia&sec=Muka_Hadapan&pg=mh_07.htm

Saya tetap MB - Nizar

IPOH 5 Feb. - Datuk Seri Ir. Mohammad Nizar Jamaluddin yang enggan meletakkan jawatan sebagai Menteri Besar seperti dititahkan oleh Sultan Perak beranggapan beliau masih menyandang jawatan itu secara sah mengikut Perlembagaan dan Undang-Undang Tubuh Negeri Perak.

Sehubungan itu, katanya, beliau akan menjalankan tugas sebagai Menteri Besar seperti biasa dan tetap pergi ke pejabatnya di Bangunan Perak Darul Ridzuan di sini esok walaupun pejabat itu sudah ditutup oleh polis pada ketika ini.

Mohammad Nizar berkata, pendiriannya untuk tidak meletakkan jawatan sudahpun dinyatakan kepada Sultan Azlan Shah semasa menghadap baginda di Istana Kinta pada tengah hari ini.

''Saya dengan rasa rendah hati, dengan penuh rasa... memohon derhaka kepada Tuanku menyatakan patik sebagai Menteri Besar dan juga 'leader of the house' memohon untuk tidak mahu meletakkan jawatan.

''Jadi, saya telah keluar dan membuat mesyuarat dengan seluruh kepimpinan pakatan di peringkat negeri dan juga Pusat bagi menyatakan supaya sama-sama memohon kepada rakyat bersama dengan kita.

''Duli Paduka Seri Sultan telah menyatakan bahawa kerajaan Barisan Nasional (BN) telah mempunyai 31 ADUN dan pakatan pembangkang pula 28 ADUN.

''Saya telah diminta untuk memahaminya, tetapi saya telah menceritakan berkenaan hujah-hujah semasa saya datang berjumpa dengan baginda sehari sebelum ini.

''Sebelum ini, saya memohon sebagai Ketua DUN untuk mendapatkan mandat baru daripada rakyat Perak dengan memohon diperkenankan diadakan pilihan raya agar kerajaan baru dapat dipilih secara adil," katanya.

Dimanakah rukun negara #2: KESETIAAN KEPADA RAJA DAN NEGARA?

You judge

2009-05-25T20:59:00.000-07:00

(written on Jan 15, 2009)

Once my boyfriend and I went to Kampung Baru to have dinner before going to see a Makyung performance at Istana Budaya.

Opposite of the restaurant, there was a community center/admin office led by PAS. In front of the building, the were three flag poles displaying three flags--Jalur Gemilang, PAS flag and Kuala Lumpur flag, if I'm not mistaken. Next to the building, there was a BN headquarter or something I think, because there was a BN flag being displayed, along with Jalur Gemilang and another flag, which I have forgotten what it was.

Anyway, what I want to point out is, the highest positioned flag displayed in front of the community center/admin office/PAS headquarter was PAS flag, whereas for the BN headquarter, it was Jalur Gemilang.

(This post is left hanging for individual judgement)

p.s: I regreted not bringing a camera with me during the meal. I could have sent the picture to a newspaper if I had brought one.

They don't learn..

2009-05-25T20:55:00.000-07:00

(written on Jan 11, 2009)

I read the Utusan online a while ago..and this was what I found.

http://utusan.com.my/utusan/info.asp?y=2009&dt=0112&pub=Utusan_Malaysia&sec=Muka_Hadapan&pg=mh_01.htm

Israel guna bom kimia

Kereta kebal tentera Israel menghampiri bandar utama di Gaza dalam usaha menumpaskan para pejuang Hamas, semalam.

Tentera darat, kereta-kereta kebal Israel mara semakin jauh ke dalam Genting Gaza menuju ke bandar utama, memaksa penduduk awam Palestin yang panik melarikan diri.

Lebih 27 lagi rakyat Palestin terbunuh termasuk terkena bom mengandungi fosforus putih yang diharamkan oleh undang-undang antarabangsa.

Human Rights Watch (HRW) bimbang penggunaan bom kimia itu boleh mengakibatkan kesengsaraan lebih dahsyat kepada orang awam Palestin.

I don't know what to say. Killing innocent people is already bad. Now, using illegal bombs? Although I don't really follow what's going on between these two nations, but one thing I know, no one should use illegal weapons. This reminds me of the use of atomic bombs on Japan during WWII. Once I read a short novel written by a Japanese doctor who was there when one of the bombs fell. He said people just dissapeared and melted due to the bomb's effect. He was lucky to be far enough not to be affected. However his wife was not. Her bone broke and turned into powder once he lift it up from the ground. He knew the bone was his wife's because it has the bracelet/necklace he gave her.

Anyway, although the phosphoros bombs' effects might not be as bad at the atomic bombs', still, it must have been banned for a reason. No one should suffer from it. Especially the innocent people.

My views on war is simple and traditional: Go to war if you really need to. But, all the killing and fighting should be between the army ONLY. Leave the innocents alone.

Maybe the worst invention ever is the guns and explosives. People can kill from far away, without knowing who they kill. Back then, fighters needed courage to kill someone because they could see who they killed and how their enemy died, but now they become more coward--they kill from far away, without having to see who they kill and how their enemy died.

p/s: I remember reading about how the ancient Japanese fought. Before they fought, they told each other who they were, so that if they won, they would know who they killed, and if they died, at least, they would die in honor..knowing who killed them.

A new blog

2009-05-25T19:56:00.000-07:00

And so, I've moved.

Several people complained for not able to comment on my previous blog since they are not members of Multiply. So I guess Blogger would solve the problem since everyone can comment on it regardless he/she has a blogger account. So anyway~~

WELCOME TO MY NEW BLOG! :D

Feel free to comment on my crap, if you want. And if you want to see some stuffs that I've posted on my previous blog, feel free to visit http://fizahpush.multiply.com. Blogger doesn't have the option of importing blog from other websites--which multiply has. Well, I guess everything has its pros and cons.

...hmm...I think I'll repost some of the entries anyway...

p/s: I wanted to put the url as fizahpush.blogspot.com since it's almost the same as my previous blog (fizahpush.multiply.com) but somehow it's not available. Hence the name fizapushie.blogspot.com. Ahh~ I want fizahpush.blogspot.com.. :(